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RE: Breaking the ice - 2/9/2011 1:17:19 AM

mythoclastic

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/19/2010
Status: offline

As others have said, the closeup picture isn't doing you any favors. I'd also say that you have too many interests on your profile. It's not a biography - list the highlights and get to the point. No one wants to read through a list of 200 interests.

If you are are having trouble getting play, you have two main options:
1. Improve yourself - study, join your local kink community, get in better shape, etc.
2. Lower your standards - Go after some easier prospects so you can get some experience under your belt, leading back to #1.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 21

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/10/2011 7:55:27 PM

MisterBeast

Posts: 142
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

This will break some ice.

Mostly it is about making conversation. Make her laugh, ask her questions about herself.

_____________________________

"I’ve seen what is coming, I put myself inside his head, I’ve become the thing we fear the most, I’ve become capable of becoming the horror that we know we can become only in our heart of darkness, my gift my curse."

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 22

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 3:04:39 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

be confident

Doesn't work for young doms. Or young anything, really, as they instinctively infer it as you challenging their proficiency....

The young tend to relate to rhetorical confidence; the kind that's more about puffing out the chest with can-do attitude rather than anything actually founded on proven skill, knowledge or experience.

IE, the kind of self-confidence that tends to attract crowds, laughter and paramedics. Which is fine, *IF* it just involves themself....

Focus.

haha not all of us young people are idiots. for example I don't drink, do drugs, get into fights, damage property etc etc

OP
I have a feeling that you aren't the hooligan type either. I agree with what others have said on here. basically get comfortable enough in your own skin and learn how to sell yourself, unfortunately people are usually blind to who you are until they take the time to get to know you, so if you can sell yourself right you're likely to hold their attention long enough.

p.s. sorry if this comes across as gibberish it is almost 4 am and I haven't slept yet

Yanno what I hate...? I hate being forced to compose a post the long way 'round because one stupid, inane word (for youthful confidence) is right on the tip of my tongue and it just won't reveal itself...!!!

Such a post is the one you quoted and the word I sought that wouldn't come to me was "bravado". The young interpret confidence as the need for bravado. Got nothing to do with being an idiot or a mindless slave to addictions or acting out to fit in etc and everything to do with being young (mostly). Of course there are oldies who still engage in bravado and immaturity isn't so far from being an idiot (or an empty-head), esp if they've cultivated their addictions over time....

Down to cases; should we also add "bravado" to the list of youthful enterprises you haven't engaged in? Your post script is also typically "young", btw.... ;)

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Themasterofo1)

Post #: 23

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 5:02:28 AM

Themasterofo1

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

be confident

Doesn't work for young doms. Or young anything, really, as they instinctively infer it as you challenging their proficiency....

The young tend to relate to rhetorical confidence; the kind that's more about puffing out the chest with can-do attitude rather than anything actually founded on proven skill, knowledge or experience.

IE, the kind of self-confidence that tends to attract crowds, laughter and paramedics. Which is fine, *IF* it just involves themself....

Focus.

haha not all of us young people are idiots. for example I don't drink, do drugs, get into fights, damage property etc etc

OP
I have a feeling that you aren't the hooligan type either. I agree with what others have said on here. basically get comfortable enough in your own skin and learn how to sell yourself, unfortunately people are usually blind to who you are until they take the time to get to know you, so if you can sell yourself right you're likely to hold their attention long enough.

p.s. sorry if this comes across as gibberish it is almost 4 am and I haven't slept yet

Yanno what I hate...? I hate being forced to compose a post the long way 'round because one stupid, inane word (for youthful confidence) is right on the tip of my tongue and it just won't reveal itself...!!!

Such a post is the one you quoted and the word I sought that wouldn't come to me was "bravado". The young interpret confidence as the need for bravado. Got nothing to do with being an idiot or a mindless slave to addictions or acting out to fit in etc and everything to do with being young (mostly). Of course there are oldies who still engage in bravado and immaturity isn't so far from being an idiot (or an empty-head), esp if they've cultivated their addictions over time....

Down to cases; should we also add "bravado" to the list of youthful enterprises you haven't engaged in? Your post script is also typically "young", btw.... ;)

Focus.

typically young because of the time I wrote it or wording? I work nights so at 4am I am still on shift

I spent 5 years a bouncer here in brisbane and tell you what most of the bravado I have come across comes from the middle aged men, younger adults do have bravado thats a given but honestly not to the same extent

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 24

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 6:05:18 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

it seems a lot of men never "grow out of" the need for bravado and blustering. these negative traits are not only the realm of young Doms. like Themasterofo1, most of what i've experienced has come from middle and upper-middle aged men who feel the need to compete with younger men and prove "they've still got it."

(in reply to Themasterofo1)

Post #: 25

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 7:37:35 AM

Themasterofo1

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

it seems a lot of men never "grow out of" the need for bravado and blustering. these negative traits are not only the realm of young Doms. like Themasterofo1, most of what i've experienced has come from middle and upper-middle aged men who feel the need to compete with younger men and prove "they've still got it."

could not have put that together better, thank you lillybopeep

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 26

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 9:31:17 AM

MisterBeast

Posts: 142
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

it seems a lot of men never "grow out of" the need for bravado and blustering. these negative traits are not only the realm of young Doms. like Themasterofo1, most of what i've experienced has come from middle and upper-middle aged men who feel the need to compete with younger men and prove "they've still got it."

That is pretty spot on.

I thnk in every man's life there is a fork in the road, and a man has the choice to stick with his boyish ways and be a perpetual leg humping ass, or he can evolve into a man who is confident, knows his limitations and is happy enough with himself that he doesnt have to play the my dog's better than your dog game any more.

I also think having a career helps with that quite a bit, in most men there is the need for competition, the need to compete, and to deny that is to deny the very nature of being a man, this is why when a man can pour his copetative nature and drive into something that is ultimately productive in providing himself with a better life, he can become a happier well rounded person.

And there are those who will never figure this out, and for them, well there is a reason that brothels and porn exist.

_____________________________

"I’ve seen what is coming, I put myself inside his head, I’ve become the thing we fear the most, I’ve become capable of becoming the horror that we know we can become only in our heart of darkness, my gift my curse."

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 27

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 12:00:33 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

typically young because of the time I wrote it or wording? I work nights so at 4am I am still on shift

"Typically young" in that the average mature adult either wouldn't bother if they were so tired or wouldn't feel the need to explain themselves if they did anyway - a matter of owning your actions rather than making excuses for them. It's an observation, not a criticism.... In order to get old (like me), you hafta pass through the young phase on the way, including excuses, bravado et al....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Themasterofo1)

Post #: 28

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 12:05:30 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i don't know who these "average mature adults" are that you're basing your conclusions on, but i've seen more than enough excuse making on part of average older people to know that half of what you're saying is not at all based in reality. =p

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 29

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 12:39:35 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

it seems a lot of men never "grow out of" the need for bravado and blustering. these negative traits are not only the realm of young Doms. like Themasterofo1, most of what i've experienced has come from middle and upper-middle aged men who feel the need to compete with younger men and prove "they've still got it."

Ignoring the somewhat tiresome and unhelpful "glass is 1/10th full" perspective, you've managed to completely miss my point along the way. Confidence (the healthy kind) comes largely from previous experience of actions repeated and lessons learned etc.

And the younger you are, the less likely that is to be true. Advising a young person to "be confident", as littlewonder did, is to invite the young person's substitute for confidence - bravado. Which is fine if you're talking about learning golf etc, because when you're on the tee, you have a finite result that any self-respecting person (young or not) is forced to own. If it was preceded with confident bravado only for the ball to disappear into the woods (or not move at all), then you see the difference between well honed confidence vs hollow, posturing bravado.

I enjoy a laugh and I was once young and familiar with "air swings" - it's a learning curve. But we're not talking about a game and hitting an inanimate ball with a big club. Substituting a flogger and a living/breathing/feeling submissive human-being is raising the stakes exponentially - NOT the time or place for puffing out the chest to hide one's lack of skill or knowledge.

I'm not saying don't do it at all but to tread carefully - small steps etc. On their own, most young ones (esp males) reach straight for the big gun (one wood) when starting out. And it just ain't the way to build confidence as likely the opposite in results will be achieved. In D/s and for young doms, there's a lot more at stake then personal pride or of living in denial regardless.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 30

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/11/2011 12:46:36 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i don't know who these "average mature adults" are that you're basing your conclusions on, but i've seen more than enough excuse making on part of average older people to know that half of what you're saying is not at all based in reality. =p

I remember an old bumper sticker that went something like , "Hire a teenager now; while they still know everything".

You seem an advocate of the philosophy, even though it was meant as black, sarcastic humour.... <shrugs>

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 31

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 2:05:21 AM

Themasterofo1

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2009
Status: offline

ahh the holier than thou attitude of most of the older people I have had to deal with working at pubs across brisbane appears to ring true in here too I see

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 32

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 2:22:08 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I read your profile. You are well-written and if you are as well-spoken then I have no advice for you. You are cute as all get out, thoughtful and come across as sincere and someone who would be great fun. I love the quirky screenname, the pic looks better on the forum because of its smaller size but over-all, there's really nothing to worry about. There are plenty who will take you seriously and the ones who don't aren't worth your time anyway.

If I were only 30 years younger.. oh, yeah, and not collared and not married and lived in PA. ::grins::

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to weird123m)

Post #: 33

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 3:57:31 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

ahh the holier than thou attitude of most of the older people I have had to deal with working at pubs across brisbane appears to ring true in here too I see

You can get that way when you've spent a lifetime putting in the time, sweat and sacrifice to get somewhere in life with pride and a clean, clear conscience. And you can always count on the know-it-all, self-entitled young to judge you negatively for it. All things cut both ways....

A few decades back I worked the door at Natives Leagues Club (Bundaberg) for near two years - but do keep touting your hackneyed pub pholosophy; I know I'm suitably impressed and intimidated at the same time. If one is to mature as you grow older, I'm sure even you can appreciate the logic of having begun in a lesser experienced and informed place originally. Or does a certain bumper sticker ring true to you, too?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Themasterofo1)

Post #: 34

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 4:38:01 AM

Themasterofo1

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

ahh the holier than thou attitude of most of the older people I have had to deal with working at pubs across brisbane appears to ring true in here too I see

You can get that way when you've spent a lifetime putting in the time, sweat and sacrifice to get somewhere in life with pride and a clean, clear conscience. And you can always count on the know-it-all, self-entitled young to judge you negatively for it. All things cut both ways....

A few decades back I worked the door at Natives Leagues Club (Bundaberg) for near two years - but do keep touting your hackneyed pub pholosophy; I know I'm suitably impressed and intimidated at the same time. If one is to mature as you grow older, I'm sure even you can appreciate the logic of having begun in a lesser experienced and informed place originally. Or does a certain bumper sticker ring true to you, too?

Focus.

me stating what my experience is was not meant to impress nor intimidate you, but please belittle me as much as you like, I am young and stupid cannot think for myself etc etc oh I wish I was 50+ so I could finally grow a brain.......

this is pointless, you really are so blind as to believe that since people are younger than you that they are inherently stupid and any confidence that they have in themselves is nothing more than bravado. this pissing contest is over, atleast for me, please sir have a nice day

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 35

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 5:15:36 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

me stating what my experience is was not meant to impress nor intimidate you, but please belittle me as much as you like, I am young and stupid cannot think for myself etc etc oh I wish I was 50+ so I could finally grow a brain.......

this is pointless, you really are so blind as to believe that since people are younger than you that they are inherently stupid and any confidence that they have in themselves is nothing more than bravado. this pissing contest is over, atleast for me, please sir have a nice day

I'm not looking for any pissing contests as I'd much rather *discuss* the topic at hand.

You tell me. Working as a bouncer (or any job, really), are you justifiably more confident today than you were on your first day, or less? If more, does that confidence come from having learnt some shit along the way - ie, *experience*?

My whole point all along is that telling the inexperienced to "be confident", particularly where another human being is looking to that inexperienced person to lead and make decisions etc, is fraught with danger. It's almost daring them to prove themselves less they be seen as weak.

You embarrass yourself with this kind of indignant outburst. Been there; done that, too! At 56, I can tell you that life's lessons NEVER stop coming, especially once you think you've finally got something down pat. Believe me, don't be in such a rush to turn 50. Doc says turning 50 is learning to live with pain (dammit). I've never once thought young = stupid; that "stupid" is one thing that isn't age specific nor necessarily improves with experience.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Themasterofo1)

Post #: 36

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 5:38:02 AM

Themasterofo1

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

me stating what my experience is was not meant to impress nor intimidate you, but please belittle me as much as you like, I am young and stupid cannot think for myself etc etc oh I wish I was 50+ so I could finally grow a brain.......

this is pointless, you really are so blind as to believe that since people are younger than you that they are inherently stupid and any confidence that they have in themselves is nothing more than bravado. this pissing contest is over, atleast for me, please sir have a nice day

I'm not looking for any pissing contests as I'd much rather *discuss* the topic at hand.

You tell me. Working as a bouncer (or any job, really), are you justifiably more confident today than you were on your first day, or less? If more, does that confidence come from having learnt some shit along the way - ie, *experience*?

My whole point all along is that telling the inexperienced to "be confident", particularly where another human being is looking to that inexperienced person to lead and make decisions etc, is fraught with danger. It's almost daring them to prove themselves less they be seen as weak.

You embarrass yourself with this kind of indignant outburst. Been there; done that, too! At 56, I can tell you that life's lessons NEVER stop coming, especially once you think you've finally got something down pat. Believe me, don't be in such a rush to turn 50. Doc says turning 50 is learning to live with pain (dammit). I've never once thought young = stupid; that "stupid" is one thing that isn't age specific nor necessarily improves with experience.

Focus.

discuss I can do, but that was a pissing contest

some one who is inexperienced can have confidence in themselves, that does not mean that they have to 'make believe' that they are good at something they are not.

first night of bouncing, I was confident in myself, I held myself well facing down aggressive patrons at the door, I was not confident in what the outcome may be. I indeed did defer to the more experienced guard to learn. there was no bravado on my part in that situation, and yes I am alot more confident whilst bouncing now days, I was the same with k9 handling and plastics engineering. I was the same when I moved to a non english speaking country before I learnt the language. I was the same with my first girlfriend. displaying confidence in yourself is not a sign of bravado, displaying over confidence in yourself or in something you are inexperienced in is

my opinion is that if weird comes across as confident in himself and secure enough to say that he is inexperienced in BDSM he is more likely get further in initial interactions, he will learn and be taken more seriously.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 37

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/12/2011 11:28:12 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Themasterofo1

my opinion is that if weird comes across as confident in himself and secure enough to say that he is inexperienced in BDSM he is more likely get further in initial interactions, he will learn and be taken more seriously.

Now this is more like something I can relate to.... The blanket "be confident" opens too many possibilities to too many personality types. Most submissives will give a dom a go if he's confident enough to say "I don't know" when he doesn't. It shows self awareness..... "Inexperienced" is not how I'd define what's often referred to with scorn as a "wannabe". There isn't a person in the lifestyle who didn't start from scratch AND with an empty kit of experience.

Carry yourself well, but not with arrogance.... <nods>

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Themasterofo1)

Post #: 38

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/15/2011 6:01:55 AM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

That would help if the OP answered and participates to the discussion ;)

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 39

RE: Breaking the ice - 2/15/2011 12:32:15 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Buzzzz

That would help if the OP answered and participates to the discussion ;)

Happens all too often.

People who start things they can't finish; the host who does an intro then disappears out the back door.

Makes for a special kind of respect....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 40

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