Ma'am...not? (Full Version)

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Rumtiger -> Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 9:33:43 PM)

I've recently been catching a little flak because I have a tendancy to refer to most women I talk to as "ma'am", this is not to any sort of titles put to dommes, but it was simply how I was raised to speak to a lady (Mama raised da boy right!). My problem being that I have caught the ire of some people I have talked to who assume I'm being one of those subs who have a tendancy to skip over bounds and the such just from using that one word.

My question is what can I do to not put any kinds of assumptions on myself? I cant be putting a disclaimer before every conversation citing that my word usage is not what apparently the majority sees. Yet if I stop completly I feel awkward, and to be honost, rather rude in discussion with a sudden lack of manners, just because my sense of humor may be crude does not mean I am after all.

I hope to recieve some aleavement from my predicament with your wisdom ma'ams.



Vendaval -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 9:45:47 PM)

Hi Rumtiger,
 
Yes, the use of honorifics such as "sir" and "ma'am" are the norm in certain
places, the Southern states being an example and also in the military.
 
However; you are now communicating within a sub-culture where these words
have a different connotation.  So your best choice is to adapt to the norms
of the kink sub-culture and eventually the speech patterns will feel more
comfortable to you.
 
Welcome to the boards,
 
-Vendaval-
 
 



Misstoyou -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 9:53:46 PM)

The safest thing is to initially refer to the individual by her entire CM nic, i.e. "Dear MissToYou. After which, you can ask how she prefers to be called, (My nic has an embedded IQ test. lol) and then show you are paying attention by following her instructions.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 9:54:32 PM)

I don't find a single thing wrong with calling a lady Ma'am... now.[:D]    There was a time I was uncomfortable with the word, because in some areas (northeast), people tend to use it in place of "b****" when a woman has been assertive, aggressive, on dominant with them, so that was my reasoning.   I travelled to mid atlantic and southern areas and learned that it is more a respectful way to approach women you respect than anything else, so now, I prefer it.

The safe thing for you to do, is approach a lady as a Ms, Miss or Mrs with/without name, and go from there if you're finding lots of people with issues on the word Ma'am.  On the other hand you could take those people who jumped on you for calling them Ma'am as slightly uptight/arrogant, and stear clear. 

I don't take offense to being addressed as anything unless it is a disrespectful or derogatory term...   For example, I don't like being called a sweetie or honey by people I've never met, and am not very familiar with, but if someone approached that way, I would simply say "I would prefer you go with Ma'am."     
Welcome to the boards Rumtiger,   M



MsMacComb -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 10:01:30 PM)

ma'am - a woman of refinement; "a chauffeur opened the door of the limousine for the grand lady"
gentlewoman, madam, dame, ladygrande dame - a woman of great prestige or abilitymadame - title used for a married Frenchwomanadult female, woman - an adult female person (as opposed to a man); "the woman kept house while the man hunted"   I think its appropriate in all cases until someone states they prefer to be addressed as something else. I dislike when people call me "Mistress", or "Goddess" and much prefer Ma'am or simply Ms.



theRose4U -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 10:03:58 PM)

While I would agree with initally addressing someone by their nic. If ma'am happens to pop out oh well guess you'll find out how they feel. After using their nic ask how they want to be addressed. once again if ma'am happens to pop out oh well. I can think of worse things popping out of a sub.



SweetDommes -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 10:13:30 PM)

Personally, I hate being called ma'am - makes me feel like an old schoolmarm ... but that's just me.  And I wouldn't get offended at being called ma'am until someone continued doing it after being told that I don't like it, and reminded a time or two.



tangldupinblue -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 10:16:50 PM)

i also hate being called ma'am, it makes me feel old and as a sub it makes me twitch. but i get the manners thing and i respect that.

blue



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/2/2006 10:41:01 PM)

I *adore* it when someone addresses me as Ma'am (but not ma'am).  I get an anachronisitic pleasure from it, and the gentility and courtliness that it implies. 

But forms of address are a real gamble.  I allow favored submissives to address me as "Mistress."  It used to really get my head in a twist when a stranger would address me this way, only to be defensively told by him that a previous Dom preferred that (or that it was the "right" way to address a Dom).  Now I gently tell someone my desire if he uses other than the desired honorific.  Any title is going to please some Doms and cause others to retch. 

I'm impressed when someone begins by asking what I prefer.  It demonstrates adaptability, a desire to please, and an attention to detail.  The title "Ms." seems to be a way of showing deference and asking "how would you like to be addressed?"



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 7:38:13 AM)

It really is going to be an individual thing. The idea about using the CM handle first, then asking each new contact what they prefer, is most likely the best option. However, as MissToYou said, it can be obvious from the handle. I prefer Ma'am, but then, I love the military boys (and some girls).

Fire



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 8:09:43 AM)

I have no problem at all with Ma'am, although I know of some who really don't like the term.
I have a problem when every sentence begins and ends with Ma'am (or Goddess, etc.).  Then it is overdone.  And I state in My profile how I prefer to be addressed.  Another built in test.  *Smile*
If a correspondent was to slip and use the term "Mistress" I would remind that it is inappropriate, until such time as actually in a relationship with Me and permitted to use such form of address. Like others, I will get annoyed if the reminder (any reminder) is ignored, and the behavior continues.
Look at how you are using the word in correspondence, to see if it is overdone, and if not, then look at the Ladies you are picking out for email.  You are young.   Possibly they are also quite young, and still find the word more suited to older Dominas. However, most Ladies I know, would mention to problem and then see how you deal with it.  They would not get upset and berate you for a first, innocent mistake.
Good luck and welcome to the boards.
 



LadyHugs -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 8:24:09 AM)

Dear Rumtiger, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
The only change I would make in typing out Ma'am is cap "M" for Mistresses and "m" for submissive sorts.
 
Ma'am is just a short for Madam, to which some don't wish to be connected to a Madam of a whore house.  Yet, in each correspondence to the Queen of England; her letters start with Dear Madam. 
 
I rather focus on the intent of and or the spirit of which the note, letter and or post is writen.  More I read on the boards here, you can't please everybody--so, be yourself.
 
If you become more involved then start using the title that is requested.  I'm all for respect to be earned not given on a demand.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



patrick007 -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 8:29:16 AM)

It’s always good etiquette to ask the Lady how she would like to be addressed, been respectful is probably the most important thing.



MoonGoddessIsis -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 8:38:04 AM)

Sadly I have to agree with a lot of the people that have already posted.  It is such a "normal" thing to have someone else think you are jumping the gun by saying Ma'am.  If I were you, I would stay the way you are and explain that it is a gentlemen thing to do. 

There aren't many of those around anymore!

Good luck

Lady Moon



Oumae -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 9:26:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: patrick007

It’s always good etiquette to ask the Lady how she would like to be addressed, been respectful is probably the most important thing.


Welcome to the boards Patrick, nice to see you posting.


I'm not one who cares for the term "Ma'am" but know that it is used by many in everyday life so I just politely point out that I prefer not to be called that.  I understand that those who use it all the time may slip up every now and then and its not something I'd get too irrate over, however if after I have stated my preference it is used all the time I would feel the sub hadn't taken my wishes/preferences on board and wonder at their ability to listen and their wish to please. 

Oumae



sothernnyte -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 9:39:18 AM)

as a southerner, i also use sir and ma'am often. all the time n fact. i have yet to receive any negative feedback from it except from those wanting  me to call them Master or Mistress. to those i can only make the apology that i can call them something else, but i will not call them Master or Mistress unless they are my own or unless my own Mistress bids it so. this isnt and hasnt been an order given me ever. though i sometimes reserve that title for Those few that have my deepest respect, Those same ones never ask it of me. I think the "real" dominants have the same concept that a sub doesnt have to call everyone by Master/Mistress as long as they still treat them with respect.
   and that i will do.
sincerely
sothernnyte



FLsubmalecd -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 9:52:24 AM)

Hi, I would have never imagined that a Domme or any lady for that matter, would object to being called Ma'am. I know that whenever I chat with a Domme on-line and am asked a question that requires a "yes" or "no" answer, I always say, "yes Ma'am or no Ma'am. I'd feel funny saying "yes mistressinlovewithu", or some other long screen name she might use. But I'd feel just as funny saying "yeah" or "no" without a name with it.
I do wonder sometimes if I use it to much in a conversation. I surely do not want to sound phony with over use of the term. But I do ask a Domme how she would like to be addressed very early in the conversation. I have never had one say she does not like the term "Ma'am" Some will tell me their name. So if they do, I usually will address her as "Ms Debbie" or whatever her name is. Never call her just by her first name unless she asks me to.  The ones that bother me are the ones that ask me to call them either Mistress or Goddess. Thise titles to me, must be earned by them. Menaing they are my Mistress or my Goddess. So when I am asked to call them either of the two, I always say something like this: " Ma'am, with all due respect, I have been trianed to never call any Domme Mistress or Goddess unless she is my Goddess. I hope you understand."
If she insists or does not agree, I will back away from the conversation. Respect of a title is a two way street to me. 
I also do not like being called boy or slave if I am not her boy or slave. But I don't make an issue of it and don't even mention it. 
OK, that's my two cents.  Good topic.         



fastlane -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 10:03:44 AM)

I can relate to many of you.  I HATE BEING CALLED MA'AM TOO!

Sir, Kevin



EbonyFtshGoddess -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 10:28:04 AM)

i know a domme that detests honorifics..

personally i don't view Ma'am as an honorific.. she HATES when someone calls her Ma'am. (or Goddess or Mistress).

she prefers Ms. XYZ..

how would someone know that off the bat when they feel Ma'am is just being respectful?

personally i dont let or like when males call me Goddess or Mistress when they neither worship me nor do i own them.

if they call me Mistress or Goddess at the onset i'll just politely correct them and tell them i prefer Ma'am or Madame or Ms. Tara (my first name)..

they have a choice, my preference is for Madame.

i just don't like being called Mistress or Goddess by males i do not own.

your best bet (even if you've got chewed a new one).. is to approach someone as Ms. whoever.. or Ma'am.

then ask- "how would you prefer me to address you?"

that way it says pretty much, hey, i don't know what you like to be called.. i'm taking the safe route.. now i'm asking what your preference is regarding honorifics.

if someone gets nasty because of it.. then they wouldn't be worth your time to begin with.

that's how i do things





CatalinaControl -> RE: Ma'am...not? (5/3/2006 11:19:37 AM)

When I was young, being addressed as Ma'am would annoy me.  I must be getting old  because now I see it as a sign of respect. 



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