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health & submission - 2/2/2011 10:52:10 AM

lisub4one

Posts: 94
Joined: 6/9/2006
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the thread on the suitability of someone suffering from a mental illness being a submissive has me wondering about an issue closer to home. i would like to hear what the Dommes have to say about a submissive who is diagnosed with a non-communicable, terminal illness. Specifically, would You be willing to continue an existing relationship with the submissive, and would You be willing to enter into a new relationship with someone who is terminally ill? The illness is not physically debilitating, and will not impede the subs ability to serve until close to the end.

Post #: 1

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 12:46:03 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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My girl has a chronic, though not terminal, health condition. Occasionally, her pain is debilitating and sometimes the side effects of her medication make her unable to serve. She's still my girl. If she were diagnosed with a terminal illness, she would still be my girl. I'm not going to end the relationship because of her health issues. I have my own, after all. However, we're polyamorous, so there is nothing stopping me from entering into a relationship with another servant or play partner if, at some point, she becomes unable to serve at all. She'll still be my girl, though.

Whether or not I entered into a new relationship with someone with a terminal illness is another matter. I'm not sure I would, but I'm also not sure I wouldn't. It would depend largely on what the illness was and how long the person was expected to live. I might be willing to enter an arrangement where the person was a regular and valued play partner, but I'm not sure I'd want to go beyond play. It would depend on the person.

_____________________________

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Post #: 2

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 1:39:27 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
Whether or not I entered into a new relationship with someone with a terminal illness is another matter.

I think the above is key and a critical part in our ability to answer some of the questions that have been asked on the boards lately. Next month, My husband and I will have been married ten years. There's no way on this planet that I would abandon him if he became ill. At the same time, that's not the same situation as starting something with someone new where I'm walking into a new relationship with someone who has a terminal illness.

On subjects like these, nobody wants to be the bad guy. Nobody wants to say that they are selfish and thinking about their own self preservation. Everybody wants to look good and say, "oh, of course I would because that makes a person look better in other people's eyes".

Yet, I'm the first person to tell you that, yes, I am selfish and yes, I am looking out for Me. Do I necessarily want to invite pain and suffering into My life? Not at first glance, no.

I think each of us has to look at our own situation and ask ourselves, what can we handle? Do the positives outweigh the negatives? What can we do and what can we not do?

It's not about looking good to other people and it's not about some kind of image that we hope other people look at us to be. It's about being honest with ourselves and what we are willing to take on.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 3

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 2:12:53 PM

lisub4one

Posts: 94
Joined: 6/9/2006
Status: offline

Lady Pact,

thank You for Your candor; it is valued and appreciated. Hopefully it will inspire others to express their opinion in a forthright manner.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 4:04:03 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

for me to answer this is impossible. There are too many potential variables.

It is possible that yes, I would enter into such a relationship. Death is not a scary thing to me, neither is the pain of loss. It's part of life and something I accept.

A lot of it would depend upon the ill person's mental state. What their mindset on their situation is like. How are they coping, etc. And, what would be required of me throughout the process. This is where my own selfishness comes into play. Time and energy is already at a premium for me, if their illness is going to require things that I have to commit a lot of time and energy to (trips to doctors, therapists, etc.).....I might have to say no.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/2/2011 4:05:14 PM >

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(in reply to lisub4one)

Post #: 5

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 4:17:55 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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It wouldn't be My first point of joy ... as LP and LaT have said ... it depends on how much I could cope with at the time, and on the person themselves. It would also depend on how much I felt My presence in their life at this time would help them to cope with what they were going to be facing. One of the hardest 'gigs' I ever did was to sing at a friend's 41st birthday ... she was in a hospice and died 2 hours later. We'd had a big party for her 40th as she wasn't expecting to make 41. Did I want to? Not really, at the time I was devastated ... but when she said "sing for me" could I refuse? No way, though it took a while to get through the songs between the tears. Do I regret it? Being there? NO WAY! It was one of the most profound moments of My life. Her parents stayed with her after I left, and they told Me later that she smiled as I was singing ... I saw that ... and that smile stayed with her till the end although she slipped unconscious only minutes after I left the room. To know that in some small way I helped ease her passing ... that means more than I can express and worth all the tears then, and now.

So ... it really just "depends" on the person, the circumstances ... no cut and dried answer available here.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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Post #: 6

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 6:57:10 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

if for some reason my Mistress became debilitated or became terminal with something i would not abandon Her i would be with Her till the end as that is who i am. for some the idea of their loved one dieing is uncomfortable, it is simply the conclusion of life. i would not skip reading a books last chapters if i did not like it nor will i look away from my loved ones in their time of need. i would continue to serve till the end and i would know that i was with Her making the passage as smooth as possible.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

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Post #: 7

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 8:53:50 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Clip you are a pretty darn fab guy.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 8

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 9:19:00 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisub4one
the thread on the suitability of someone suffering from a mental illness being a submissive has me wondering about an issue closer to home. i would like to hear what the Dommes have to say about a submissive who is diagnosed with a non-communicable, terminal illness. Specifically, would You be willing to continue an existing relationship with the submissive, and would You be willing to enter into a new relationship with someone who is terminally ill? The illness is not physically debilitating, and will not impede the subs ability to serve until close to the end.

I hate the term Domme, but I'll answer anyway.

I would never abandon my partners for that reason. I am deeply committed to them. We're a poly family, so the support we could mutually provide would be better, I think, than in a monogamous situation.

Yes, I would take the opportunity to get to know a special and unique human being for as long as they had left. There wouldn't be another chance to do so if I passed it up. So I wouldn't pass it up. Again, being a poly triad, I think we're in a better position to give both logistical and emotional support to the surviving partners as well as the terminally ill partner under those kinds of circumstances.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to lisub4one)

Post #: 9

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 9:24:12 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

Specifically, would You be willing to continue an existing relationship with the submissive, and would You be willing to enter into a new relationship with someone who is terminally ill?

Most definitely yes to the first and much more than likely yes for the second. I do music therapy for dying people, and I feel incredibly honored to be part of their journey. It would be the same with a sub I care about. If I met a potential sub I felt connected with who knew he had a terminal illness and we could bring each other joy and comfort for a time, I would begin a relationship. I'm comfortable around dying people (that would be ALL of us sooner or later). The dying process is a very spiritual, naked time of learning when a soul is laid bare as never before; all pretenses go out the window. In the end, it is the great equalizer...and we will all submit to it. Dealing with the subsequent loss...well, that's hard, but I'm strong. I know the depth of my grief is a direct reflection of how deeply I loved. I'm willing to bear one to relish the other.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 10

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 9:42:12 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
It is possible that yes, I would enter into such a relationship. Death is not a scary thing to me

Agree with this

quote:

neither is the pain of loss. It's part of life and something I accept

However, this is a biggie to me. I am empathic, and love intensely; maybe a more accurate term would be codependent. I accept death/loss as a part of life; still, missing my beloved tortures me, and stays with me. Sure, I have a big supportive family, and am blessed in many many ways. I'm spiritual, and accept most things in life, as a matter of course.

It's a crazy thing really... I would love, and stay with someone who became ill while with me. I would probably avoid, getting involved with someone whom I know to be terminally ill, because the thought of missing him/her later is too much for me to consider taking on. It is a self preservation thing, on my part. M

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 11

RE: health & submission - 2/2/2011 10:50:17 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Yes, and yes.

We're all gonna leave each other at some point, because we're all gonna die. If someone's needs were very compatible with mine, and it would be a reciprocal relationship (in which we get as much as we give) right up until the s was no longer able to reciprocate- which in your OP is very close to the end... Yeah I'd go for it.

With My existing slave: I will always own him. He lives as my treasured, adored property, and he'll die mine. Illness, terminal or not, is not a cause for release. Quite the contrary: its a time to draw him near, and take care of him.

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(in reply to lisub4one)

Post #: 12

RE: health & submission - 2/3/2011 12:45:03 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
I hate the term Domme, but I'll answer anyway.

I would never abandon my partners for that reason. I am deeply committed to them. We're a poly family, so the support we could mutually provide would be better, I think, than in a monogamous situation.

Yes, I would take the opportunity to get to know a special and unique human being for as long as they had left. There wouldn't be another chance to do so if I passed it up. So I wouldn't pass it up. Again, being a poly triad, I think we're in a better position to give both logistical and emotional support to the surviving partners as well as the terminally ill partner under those kinds of circumstances.

In one way, I agree with you about the additional emotional support and such. At the same time, it's also part of the issue.

Like you, I take My responsibility to My poly family very seriously. It's one thing for Me to say that I'm willing to accept someone to the family that I *know* is going to end in grief. (Don't get Me wrong. I do understand that we're all going to die and death is absolutely a possible outcome with anybody that we start a relationship with. Meaning they die before I die.) The thing is, I'm also inviting that grief on the males in My life, too. Not to mention, knowing they have to deal with Me through the grief process and I'm no bed of roses. That means I get guilt on top of grief because I'd be the one making the decision to put us in that situation.

Not arguing with you. Just looking at it from a different angle.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 13

RE: health & submission - 2/3/2011 5:01:50 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I just realised My response didn't make one thing very clear - I was only addressing the second part of the OP ie would I choose to get involved with someone who already had a terminal illness. My answer to that was ... it depends (reasons above).

I neglected to answer the first part ... what if someone I am already with develops a terminal illness? The answer to that is a definite I'm staying! That's part of the responsibility of entering into a relationship in the first place, to see it through. Though with My being 15 years older than Master, odds are, I'll be checking out first and that will make me very sad to be leaving Him.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: health & submission - 2/3/2011 5:39:32 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Interesting.
If it's not affecting him psychologically [but how could it not?], and if it would be a considerable time [I wouldn't want to literally peg someone to death! Interesting questions would be asked by the police, even though he died with a smile on his face.], i.e., he's not going to die this year, and he's otherwise compatible and, this is very important, he doesn't smell of death, yes.

But that's a lot of if's.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 15

RE: health & submission - 2/3/2011 9:34:52 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The thing is, I'm also inviting that grief on the males in My life, too. Not to mention, knowing they have to deal with Me through the grief process and I'm no bed of roses. That means I get guilt on top of grief because I'd be the one making the decision to put us in that situation.

Not arguing with you. Just looking at it from a different angle.

Valid angle to look at it from. While we don't call it "veto power" because that would distress my domly ego, the reality is that if either of my partners was unhappy or uncomfortable with my adding someone new, for any reason, I wouldn't add them. I value the stability and happiness of my existing family far more than I value getting to chase my dick around. No piece of hot new ass is worth the drama.

This said, someone being terminally ill wouldn't be my reason for laying down a veto. Wouldn't swear that one or both of my boys wouldn't put their heads together and do it for me though, and I would abide by that if they did.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: health & submission - 2/4/2011 3:51:57 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Last year a very beautiful and popular UK submissive died of a brain tumor. Right at the end whilst her man cradled her in his arms she whispered 'permission to die Master?'
More than anything those words filled us all with joy because it spoke a thousand words about submission and yet at the same time broke our hearts.

I don't know if I could of got into a relationship knowing they were terminally ill. Like someone else here has said, I have a tendency to love very deeply and I would fear loving a terminally ill person because of the fear of loss. That sounds selfish but I think its a survival instinct.
If my own partner or our sub was to become terminally ill then I would be with them up to the end, theres no doubt in my mind about that.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 17

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