AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sundowner
quote:
ORIGINAL: Bindre
I think the sexiest thing imaginable is when a domme is able to turn someone who wasn't submissive beforehand into her slave
I suppose it can happen and can be sexy - but this post brought back a sudden memory of a lunch maybe 20 yrs ago. <drifts off into reminiscence>
I met a couple of new friends from ukbdsm for lunch, one of whom was a Domme. She obviously decided she needed to demonstrate her dommeliness and at the end of the meal, when I declined a chocolate with coffee, she tried to make me eat one.
Doesn't need much effort for you to imagine the disastrous failure of that - trying to make someone eat a choc in a busy restaurant? And I'm not generally known for my submissive nature.
It was hugely laughable (with pathetic and contemptuous overtones) and, on reflection, it rather put me off the idea of respecting lifestyle Dommes for years.
Part of being an effective seductress is to know when you have the snare in place and when you can start to tighten the ropes. I never wanted to be in a situation where I either made a man exit a situation in outright fear ("she's obviously nuts") or become obnoxious and decide he was going to fuck with me and show me "whose boss" (the "I am a big tough guy, just watch" syndrome). These things never happened to me.
I spent a long time analyzing men and what worked and didn't work. I watched a lot of people do these dances of flirtation. I experimented. I also am naturally attracted to men who have some desire - hidden or otherwise - to surrender. The biggest part of all, however, is establishing through non verbal and subtle verbal cues who in a flirtacious scenario is the one in control. If in the first few moments of smiles and body language I sense a guy is a controller, I know he's not for me. If my first subtle joke or clue about S&m and me in control brings on a frat boy cat call and a man puffing out his chest, he's lost my interest anyway. I know what I like; if I don't see the right responses, my cat claws don't come out anyway. There are more fish to fry, I move on.
There is also something to be said for knowing when and what kind of "commands" will be effective. Making someone eat a desert is lame anyway. The tactic though is more lame. Dominance is not "making" someone do something out of brute force or ordering them to obey "just because". It is making them surrender to the idea of their own free will, because they realize that the act they previously thought was unpleasant or not interesting, became compelling - because it's arousing, exciting, or because they want desperately to please me, even at a cost. Since the third one isn't feasible with a brand new person (no intimacy yet), if I wanted to do something along those lines, I would have taken a different approach.
First, a woman needs to establish the reason for the "no chocolate," (I will assume it's a piece of chocolate cake, for example). If he's obviously not interested for reasons related to health, allergy, or it's a very strong conviction for him (I would establish this through a few innocent questions), I'd move on. If he just said, "I'm just not in the mood" or "not hungry," I'd say something flirtacious about how those kinds of statements tend to flip switches in my wiring and make me get a little aroused at the idea of "making" a man eat something he's not that interested in eating. He'd either become arrogant and challenging and say "ha! No way, not me lady.." in which case I know this is a lost battle, for now; a man will never make a bold statement like that then back off of it and admit defeat, he's essentially set himself up with failure by issuing almost a challenge or digging his feet in. I would wait for a later opportunity). If he just smirked or shrugged it off and whatever, no huge fuss, just a no thanks thing, I'd use a different tactic.
I'd order the dessert for myself, and tell him he can watch me eat, if he did not mind, since I decided I was hungry "for something sweet." I would say, "No I can focus on just taking a look at you for a bit." I would aim to make him feel a bit under a microscope and see what his reactions were.
When the dessert came, I'd proceed to eat it deliberately slowly, while telling him a little about why it makes me excited to "sort of force," a guy to eat something he actually wasn't interested in eating. I'd use one hand on the fork, lean in close across the table. I'd eat slowly and seductively, but not so deliberate that it was a caricature. I'd share some fantasies about having a man restrained, and force feeding him something like that desert, and how it would turn me on. I'd make sure he really got a clear picture of how surrender was a turn on for me, how it made me wet. Depending on his reaction (change in breathing, shifting a little, whether he watched my lips and mouth or stayed focussed on my eyes, for example) I would know if the experiment was over or not. If it was over, I never lost anything; I got the dessert anyway, and got to tell the story - most of all, I did not "lose face" by establishing an order that would not get obeyed. A femdom never wants to put a man in a position to fail, or herself to fail.
If he seemed to be getting a bit seduced by the idea, and depending on the level of privacy, I'd use my free hand to go under the table and masturbate. Yep! Actually enjoy myself, depending on the type of clothing (that's another story for another time); and I'd make sure he knew that me telling him how I ENJOY making a man take a MERE BITE from a dessert he did not want was enough to make me wet.
I would never actually make him eat it, or take a bit, unless he brought it up first. He'd have to say, "I changed my mind." That's a clear win. Telling him, "You have to take a bite now" still sets the scenario up for failure. I am just using this cake thing, with him, as a bit of a "teaching moment" and an establishment of chemistry. If he is not attracted to me, or my methods, at that point, then perhaps we're not a match anyway; if the way I describe to him why I would WANT to "make" him eat dessert is a turn on for me actually resonates with him, he will be rethinking his refusal.
I'd casually suggest boxing up the remainder of the cake to finish it in a more "dignified" way in private (ie, at home, with him strapped down and blindfolded while I get my vibrator so I can finish my job), and he can choose yes or no.
This is an example of establishing a little chemistry if it exists, testing dominance without losing face or putting a man in a "win or fail" situation that can embarrass both, and really, really enjoying dessert.
Akasha
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RE: Real life encounters - 
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