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bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 9:33:15 AM   
nick51068


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/3/2011
Status: offline 		Hello everyone.

i am a sub male who does not find men to be sexually attractive, but sucked a few cocks and been fucked to please my Mistress. Now even though i have no desire to suck cock or be fucked by a man in a vanilla situation, being used by a man in a S&M situation is hot to me and i masterbate to it quite a bit. So does that make me bi or just submisssive?

nick
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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 9:55:40 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		You know...it is completely possible to be situationally bisexual...not at all uncommon either...

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 10:26:21 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nick51068

Hello everyone.

i am a sub male who does not find men to be sexually attractive, but sucked a few cocks and been fucked to please my Mistress. Now even though i have no desire to suck cock or be fucked by a man in a vanilla situation, being used by a man in a S&M situation is hot to me and i masterbate to it quite a bit. So does that make me bi or just submisssive?

nick


There was a really, really long thread on this subject a while ago, Nick. People took fierce views on a number of different sides and I'd be surprised if anyone changed his or her opinion as a result. Some said that the act itself made you bisexual, by definition. Others said that the act didn't matter, it was your being turned on by it that defined you as bisexual. As you might expect, a few chimed in with the line that you were either straight, or gay, and there was no 'in-between'. Then there was the argument that it was wrong to talk about being 'compelled' to suck cock if you got turned on in doing it.

Then, because people kept turning up to the thread and not bothering to read it, all these sorts of arguments got repeated afresh, in an almost never-ending cycle. Also, a couple of scallywags kept reviving it just because they knew that it was a white-hot subject for a certain few regular contributors to this forum.

I don't usually like to answer a thread-starter's question with a question, and the more general habit of attacking the perceived assumptions behind a questioner's query has always felt a bit off to me. On this occasion and with this particular question, though, I really would say 'Ask yourself why this question is important to you. If the answer involves anything to do with being afraid of a certain label, then ask yourself if that is something worth wasting any time or energy at all in dealing with'.

Me, I've had fantasies of the sort you describe. I've always considered myself 90% straight, with a bit of bi thrown in there somewhere. I don't give a rotating rat's arse if someone wants to call me straight, bi or gay, however. In the same way, it doesn't exercise me at all if someone wants to describe my eyes as green, or as hazel. So long as I don't end up on my death bed thinking 'Oh shit. I always wanted to do X, but I never did, because I was scared it'd mean I was then a [insert label]'



< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 2/3/2011 11:16:33 AM >

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 10:59:16 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There are people who contribute to bi threads because the topic is hot?  Shocking!

I tend to use terms such as situatioanlly bi or hetero-flexible for circumstances like yours, OP.  If you're maturating to fond memories of past encounters or fantasizing about future ones, that is part of the qualification for Me.  I'd hold onto the 'situational' part if I were you if this isn't something that you would seek out on your own or having an encounter with just a male doesn't hold the same excitement for you.  I'm just thinking it may be easier for others to understand where you're coming from when you start communicating and those areas where males might hit on you.


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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 11:15:15 AM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact



LP, I've noticed that you usually politely suggest to OPs that they conduct a search on former threads if their area of concern has been covered extensively in the past. What can possibly explain the absence of your usual thoughtfulness on this occasion?

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 11:20:15 AM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
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Status: offline 		And it matters, why?

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 11:26:35 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nick51068
i am a sub male who does not find men to be sexually attractive, but sucked a few cocks and been fucked to please my Mistress. Now even though i have no desire to suck cock or be fucked by a man in a vanilla situation, being used by a man in a S&M situation is hot to me and i masterbate to it quite a bit. So does that make me bi or just submisssive?


I think I'm going to go with calling that "hot" and leave it at that. 


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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 11:30:01 AM   
OttersSwim


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Status: offline 		Yes, but it is just "hot" or is it "situationally hot"? 


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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 11:37:31 AM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		If there are pictures and/or video then it is hot.

No pictures and /or video then it is situationally hot.

< Message edited by flcouple2009 -- 2/3/2011 11:38:42 AM >

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 12:27:04 PM   
VaguelyCurious


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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flcouple2009

And it matters, why?

Because self-identification is important to people.

I should know - I've agonised over the 'sexual orientation' list on Fetlife for long enough.

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 12:41:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
LP, I've noticed that you usually politely suggest to OPs that they conduct a search on former threads if their area of concern has been covered extensively in the past. What can possibly explain the absence of your usual thoughtfulness on this occasion?

I know you're kidding, but I'm going to answer you seriously anyway.

I think it's really difficult to do any kind of self identification from an external source.  Yes, it's possible to read thoughts from someone else and think it's similar to the way you feel inside, but really the best person to figure out how to label yourself (if you even want to label at all) is you. 

Well, there's that and the fact that I can't get into too much hot talk today.  Maybe after My meeting this evening. 


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 12:42:35 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Yes, but it is just "hot" or is it "situationally hot"? 


If I'm there, it's hot.

(Sorry for the double post, but I couldn't let that one pass.)


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 1:53:16 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Yes, but it is just "hot" or is it "situationally hot"? 


If I'm there, it's hot.

(Sorry for the double post, but I couldn't let that one pass.)



Well, your presence would be -one situation-...therebi... 


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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 2:11:31 PM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: flcouple2009

And it matters, why?

Because self-identification is important to people.

I should know - I've agonised over the 'sexual orientation' list on Fetlife for long enough.


I don't really see it the same.

Sucking a cock because it makes your Mistress happy doesn't make you bi any more than barking and eating out of a dish makes you a dog. 

You can not be bi and do those things just to please someone else.  If that's the route you take, what does it matter?

Edited to add:  That was my original point to the OP,  Why does it matter to him?


< Message edited by flcouple2009 -- 2/3/2011 2:12:16 PM >

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 2:25:00 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
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From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flcouple2009

Sucking a cock because it makes your Mistress happy doesn't make you bi any more than barking and eating out of a dish makes you a
dog. 

No, but fantasising often about it complicates the issue somewhat.

quote:


Edited to add:  That was my original point to the OP,  Why does it matter to him?

Which is what I was responding to - because self-identification matters to some people.

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 2:54:59 PM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		Yes,

But he is the only one who knows why that is important to him. 

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 3:12:58 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I often have fantasies of women topping me...am I bi?

If I let them do it, am I bi curious or a bit bi?

I really don't worry about my fantasies or my actions as long as I am choosing to participate in something of my own volition.

And yes, it is hot and anything with LadyPact would be considered hot, situationally or not.

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 3:27:37 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Actions don't define my orientation..  who I sleep with, play with, fool around with... or engage with in any physical way... doesn't define my orientation...

who I fall in love with, how I feel... and me alone... I get to define my orientation...

I'll assume the same of you... you get to decide how you feel...

sex is all about friction, not about orientation



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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 5:13:24 PM   
PeonForHer


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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I often have fantasies of women topping me...am I bi?


I never had the feeling that these questions of sexual tag exercised women quite so much as they did men.

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RE: bi or not bi? - 2/3/2011 7:22:04 PM   
chubbysubbyguy


Posts: 90
Joined: 1/30/2011
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		I don't know what the big deal with labels is. The first time I stepped outside of my preconceived "I'm straight, sex with men is gross" comfort zone the guy I ended up in bed with explained it best by saying an Orgasm is an Orgasm. I personally feel labels like gay, straight, bi are antiquated and unnecessary. I like sex, prefer it with women but not gonna kick a guy out of bed either. I'm just having fun.

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