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GrinnerMcWolfe -> RE: Defiant sub (2/6/2011 4:36:03 PM)
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There are several good points that others have made in regards to this, though I do feel like adding to them. Remember, these are just suggestions, take them as you will.
First and foremost, as several people have said, you need to sit down and talk to her. Not only about your relationship with her, but about anything else going on in her life that might be affecting her. Job, family, personal issues, stress levels, all of those can have an adverse affect on any kind of relationship, and more so on a D/s relationship. It doesn't need to be done all at once, as that will be incredibly stressful for her, but it does need to be done. Take it at your own pace. Offer to be a sounding board, or offer advice, but do not solve her problems for her. Offer to assist if she asks, and nothing more. They're her problems, she needs to solve them herself.
Secondly: You need to discuss with her your desires in the relationship. Based off personal experience, even if someone claims to be a submissive, it doesn't mean they actually are, or are even really willing to become one. Actual, honest to goodness submissives are more then perfectly happy to discuss their relationship expectations and desires, as well as ways for a Dom/Domme to effectively gain their submission. Really sit down and talk with her about it. As others have said, if it turns out that she really isn't into the D/s relationship, then abandon it, but don't abandon your relationship with her. You're going to have to shift your dynamic a bit, but if she's what you're looking for in a partner, and you care for her, then stay with her. Perhaps in the future you two can try a D/s relationship again.
However, if things don't look like they're going to work out between the two of you, even after sitting down and talking with her, then the best piece of advice I can offer is to move on. If the relationship doesn't feel like it's going to work, even after you've taken steps to try and ensure it will, harsh as it might sound, it'll be better for the both of you if you just cut your losses and moved on with your life. You will find someone else out there that will click with you, and when that occurs, you'll find the D/s aspect of your relationship most enjoyable. But, and this is key, don't go into every relationship with the mindset of turning it into a D/s relation. There are plenty of people out there that are dumber then a truck of bricks and would view your tastes as sick, twisted, and dirty.
Regardless of what you chose to do, you need to make the choices that feel right for you, and your partner. In the end, everything will work out, one way or another.
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