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Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 1:39:23 PM

DomLikeHell

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Guys,

I am not able to find any friend and partner on this site. Please help me understand what i am doing wrong. Is there any sugestions?

I am looking for Fem Sub

Sam

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Post #: 1

RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 1:52:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

One of the best threads on the site to deal with the subject is Stephan's thread on how to find women here. http://tinyurl.com/2pyp9h

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to DomLikeHell)

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RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 1:57:28 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

First off, Sam, what are you doing right now? Are you contacting women, or waiting for them to contact you?

If you contact them, are you telling them about you? Your profile says your ethnicity, age, and height - that's it. Frankly, no women will be intrigued by that.

There are more women than men on the site. You have to compete.

You might also want to see if there are groups local to you. You can meet people there and learn some topping techniques.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 2/3/2011 2:14:23 PM >

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 2:01:24 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

I absolutely agree with Steven. If I'm looking at subs here, and see a profile which is that empty, I just close the page without even bothering to waste the miniscule 2 seconds it would take to go over the whole thing.

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RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 2:11:39 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

Sam, it does not take the subs on this site to get jaded. As someone who was until recently looking for a Master, I've lost count of the number of fairly bland, one or two line messages I've had from Doms. I make it a habit to check out a stranger's profile before deciding whether to respond to them or not.

I will not respond to anyone who has a wall-o-whine for a profile, nor do I respond to anyone whose profile is all about kink and nothing else.

But I also hesitate to respond to profiles like yours, which tell me nothing at all. I have no idea how compatible we'd be because you don't say what kind of person you are, what kind of relationship you're looking for, and at least a top-level indication of your main areas of kink interest. I got a lot of mails, and the vast majority fizzled out after a few days - even those that looked promising at the start. Experience tells me that profiles like these tend to be from guys who are hiding something - usually a partner...

So beef up the text, give the ladies a reason to want to respond to you!

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There's nowt so queer as folk

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RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 2:25:38 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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I agree with the above posts. You're fishing without bait, so to speak. You've got to sell yourself. Women are constantly being approached, here and realtime. Why should we be interested in you, among the many? You've got to compete for our attention. Your profile is so sparse, it makes you look lazy, and boring. Are you? Your profile is your first impression, here. Make it a good one! Read Stephann's thread, and take his GREAT advice! Get in the game.

You've been on CM since 2005. In all that time, what have you been doing here? What have you tried? What feedback have you gotten from those you do come into contact with?

Welcome to the forums! I'm glad you're asking for help here, because you've just gotten some really good help. Don't waste it.

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RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 2:41:53 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Hi Sam,

If you post a sample first contact email, we will be happy to critique it.

Although I think you should have pics (which are easy to make anonymous) on your profile, if you are not comfortable doing so, send a CLOTHED picture with your first email.

Do read the profile advice in the afore mentioned thread.

And like Dark Steven says, unless we know what you are doing, it's hard to tell you what you are doing wrong, although black text on a dark blue background is always wrong.

Best,

KK

(in reply to DomLikeHell)

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Post #: 7

RE: Need suggestion - 2/3/2011 4:51:20 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

You joined in 2005, your profile says you're new... if you haven't gotten any experience in the last 6 years. .. I can see why you might be having a problem. If it hasn't worked, why not search "bdsm sacramento" (and I guarantee there is a lot of leather/sm etc in that part of CA) .. and open your front door and go out and find a group, get some experience and meet folks face to face. You might do better.

There are a lot of good threads on 'profiles' in the Ask a Mistress forum... and frankly, if you're searching for a woman, you should probably ask women what you're doing wrong.

Your profile is very sparse. I'm going to guess that you are easily passed over very quickly in favor of people with pictures and something to read in their profile.

What are you doing?

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 2/3/2011 4:53:06 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Need suggestion - 2/4/2011 5:22:41 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

You have no experience. You can gain experience by attending munch. By making friends at munch you will find people who are willing to teach you techniques and experiment. Gary has often had me be a stunt dummie for someone who is just learning flogging or needles or whatever.

If you are attempting to find a submissive online without expending even the energy to fill out a profile I am afraid that you will continue to look for many more years. By the way, are you 34 now or was that 6 years ago when you filled out the profile? Age can be and is a factor to some people.

IF you are serious at finding a submissive they you go to places where submissives go. That means you go to munches. That means you go to events. That means you wow them with your fabulous personality that is not showing up in that profile of yours or in your forum post. If you expect a submissive to drop into your lap with no effort on your part then expect cobwebs to form on your Collarme account.

(in reply to DomLikeHell)

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RE: Need suggestion - 2/4/2011 6:25:46 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Sam,

From your profile, I have no sense of who you are...not just in kink, but as a man.

The man who became my Master, got me my getting my interest.
Although actually his profile had very little to do with it.

He emailed me within a few days of his joining and in those initial emails he asked questions related to my profile.
He also asked me questions that were just interesting (and required more than one word answers).

Through our initial email dialogue, it quickly became clear to me that I wanted to know more about him.

2 years later, I still do, with delight.

edit: missing k

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 2/4/2011 6:26:55 PM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Need suggestion - 2/4/2011 10:27:44 PM

weaselwelder

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline

I have to agree with what has been said. You haven't said enough. As a rule, I get about 2 nice messages from actual women every time I dump another 250 words onto my profile or journal. Even when it was something to the effect of "oh you're so nice, I wish I could meet someone like you local to me" it meant I was doing something right.

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Post #: 11

RE: Need suggestion - 2/5/2011 9:14:24 AM

salemartist

Posts: 195
Joined: 12/17/2010
From: Salem
Status: offline

agreed, your profile is weak... might as well change your name to "BoringAsHell"

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Post #: 12

RE: Need suggestion - 2/7/2011 5:48:10 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Um, Sam, you have received a lot of feedback. Every single person told you that your profile is too empty. Near as I can tell, your response on the paucity of your profile was to change your ethnicity from Indian to Other.

Exactly how serious are you?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to salemartist)

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Post #: 13

RE: Need suggestion - 2/7/2011 5:51:04 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Others are right., the profile is so bland that by the time I finished reading it--I had forgotten what little I just read.

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Post #: 14

RE: Need suggestion - 2/7/2011 10:12:37 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

First you should change your profile. That black and blue stuff is hard on the eyes. Second, fill it out! Very few people will even glance at someone who says nothing about the type of person they are, or what they are seeking beyond kink. People like to feel that they will be more than a hole or a pillow you can practice on. Third, you live in Sacramento... There are munches, classes, and a local dungeon that would be a great place to start meeting people. The dungeon is mostly populated by people around your age, many of them have quite a bit of experience and some of them are as new to this as you are.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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Post #: 15

RE: Need suggestion - 2/7/2011 12:46:58 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Don't mind me, I'm just here to read this profile I keep hearing about.

Could be a bigger sleeper than "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" if it's really that bad and bland etc.....

Focus.

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Post #: 16

RE: Need suggestion - 2/7/2011 1:03:20 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Rats, nuthin' iconic there - just.... nuthin'.... Wellll..., your domme friend looks cute (pity about the 'domme' part).

OP, between your profile and that it's taken almost 6 yrs as a CM member to ask this most basic of questions, I'd hafta conclude you've found exactly what your efforts deserve.

Calling yourself a dom and waiting for the sub chicks to come a runnin' doesn't quite qualify as leading and taking charge etc.

2 our 10. Could do a *lot* better....

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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Post #: 17

RE: Need suggestion - 2/8/2011 7:10:38 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Domlikehell pay no attention to these people. Listen to me. There are no avaliable women left here. Join a monastary. You might have better luck there finding a woman. Back to reality. If you have been here this long and not found a woman then you have been sitting on your ass and doing nothing. Your profile is not what is not atracting women. It's you. Drop a note to women. Talk to them. Try to get to know them. If you get blow off so what. Keep trying. Why am I trying to Dom a Dom????

(in reply to Focus50)

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Post #: 18

RE: Need suggestion - 2/8/2011 7:44:08 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i have to say i agree with the others; i could make suggestions but this thread has been here for 5 days and it seems like nothing's been done to flesh out the profile.
but anyway ---

the blue is too dark to make the black lettering easily readable. if you're going to use colors, make sure there's a good contrast to make reading your profile more enjoyable.
we know you're looking for a female sub because your profile says "actively seeking submissive women" -- restating it again is redundant and takes up valuable time for the reader and space where you could instead be going on about your hobbies, your philosophies on life, you as a person -- that's what sucks people into a profile. when i'm reading a profile that's well thought out and presents a person well, i feel like i'm meeting that person and want to know more. that's the feeling you want to strive for.
if you dont have a job that could be put at risk, put up a picture of yourself. even if you can't show your face, show SOMETHING; anything is better than nothing.
fill out your interests -- many people will look to interests to see if there's anything remotely in common. if there's nothing at all, there's no way to know. and while it's great to work out compatibility while actually talking to someone, people are often not interested in investing time in someone who is ALSO not interested in investing any time. =p
when you fill out your interests, add kinky and "vanilla" things, too -- a lot of fsubs are looking for a well-rounded man, not just a guy into kinky play.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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