Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 3:11:17 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Honestly, I found the few posts made here by the OP to be very consistent with the blog you linked.    Maybe you didn't snoop very well?


I did also, is why I posted the one particular blog about him and his gal having phony ID's on CM.  I have read 'most' of the blogs actually found them to be eerily alike. In one he describes a similar height and weight., age documented as 'much older than the gal'., which fits the description of the OP's profile.

Yet, nothing else matches.  Is this then a vision of the alter-ego/phony CM profile? Yes, obviously.   Why? hmm to troll for new fresh meat OR to give advice on behalf of himself being an 'experienced' person within the lifestyle.  Either/or, the point is this person has a thorough distaste for CM users in general, describing them of not being genuine nor productive D's or s's because they 'do not qualify as such'.  See the blogs to view those statements on how we all fake actual bdsm and all that goes with it.

I may be wrong ...or I may be accusing someone of plagiarism. All I know is that one is a liar and the other is a deceitful game-player and the joke is on 'us', therefore, which is worse? You decide. 

Not to mention the fact that if this blogger admits to himself and his gal having phony profiles for kicks....yet she seemed to spend so many 'addictive' (as he calls her) hours trolling falsely for men --without intent on ever meeting any or doing anything more than to collect information, then WHY defend or take EITHER of the OP's personalities seriously???

We (you, me, others) wouldn't do so in any other situation, why would you think 'we' would do so now?  

The whole thing stinks of one who is disingenuous either way and I'd hope anyone with half a brain would notice his stance as is. 

He either wants to being a new life as a regular poster by doing this and never thought of the consequence of someone checking on the source, he never thought someone would take the time or effort OR he is lying in more way than one just by this one lazily written, ridiculously repetitive and self-righteous piety he considers 'the twue rules of safe engagement for us helpless girls'.

Point is, it is up to you to decide if you trust him, the words or the person.  Me, I trust neither, for obviously stated reasons. From the evidence I have read you nor anyone else can change my mind on that in days to come.

*yet, I have to add:  If you notice this 'couple' has phony accounts and she is particularly addicted to getting mail from men in order to laugh at how lame they are.  Well, awee, how cuddly, time-consuming and immature.  If it is so horrible after the hundreds of mails she receives and they get a kick out of it as much as they seem to (by calling these men weak and stupid, more or less) then it is obvious who wears the pants.  If he were any MAN at all, she wouldn't need the consolation that other men are weaker to make this MAN feel more manly.  Not to mention a real MAN would tell her to get off the computer and knock off the crap with toying with other men with a fake profile in order to make her dom's dick, ego or brain seem 'bigger' by comparison. 

Real men don't accept comparisons.  Real men may perhaps have a sub/woman who wouldn't make attempts (or be allowed) to second-guessing to compare--even for kicks. (yet, who knows, as I said, maybe she wore the pants lol).

He is single again (supposedly) afterall, isn't he.

I frankly don't care if he wrote that crap or not, I do care though that it only proves to newcomers and us 'oldies' alike that there are game-players as such here, that ruin it for others who may perhaps be genuinely seeking a partner yet they run into another time-wasting foolio.  It also makes me wonder that if 20% of the people we talk to everyday have alternate profiles for such games....wow, what a total waste of broadband, time, energy and life/love in general that could be spent on their 'significant other' instead of fuKn' with other people. 


< Message edited by came4U -- 2/8/2011 3:36:38 PM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 3:30:01 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

Honestly, I found the few posts made here by the OP to be very consistent with the blog you linked.    Maybe you didn't snoop very well?


I did also, is why I posted the one particular blog about him and his gal having phony ID's on CM.  I have read 'most' of the blogs actually found them to be eerily alike. In one he describes a similar height and weight., age documented as 'much older than the gal'., which fits the description of the OP's profile.

Yet, nothing else matches.  Is this then a vision of the alter-ego/phony CM profile?

. . .


I don't know.  It just sounds to me like you're keyed in on a blog entry that was made over a year ago and taking it personally.  Did you also notice that there's been no blog entry since August last year, and that the OP describes himself as single in his profile? 

At any rate, it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other.  I'm not interested in picking apart a person or second guessing their motivations.  I take everyone here with a grain of salt, but I also accept that they are pretty much who they present themselves to be.  I've no reason to do otherwise as it's not like it makes any difference to my life.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 3:40:05 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2.

the irony is that not until youve been at this for a while do you realise that in terms of finding someone here its no different to finding a vanilla - except - for those colours.


Now this is where I disagree. It's very different finding someone whose power dynamic dovetails and whose kinks are in parallel. ...in my experience anyway.
All other aspects of a relationship are negotiable. My kinks are non negotiable. Now that's a tough order.
Finding a bland tasting, washed out, watered down vanilla example of my turn on are easy as almost everyone seems to want to dabbble in the bedroom. There are SO many straight relationship sites that I could have a date a night if I settled. Even sites with fairly palatable so called personality tests who can promise me not just a relationshoip but love! Someone indeed who I can be in eharmony with, or match etc.
But I don't want someone the same. Indeed I want smeone entirely polar opposite: someone deemed on the other side of the kneel to me.
See: so to me it is entirely different and I don't want that person prescribed, described, idealised or sterotyped as that gives the very false hope that that is the way I am going to 'get real'.



thats what i meant by colours. 

the colours that we are attracted to are very specific to us.  be they in a sub or a Dom/me.

in all other regards finding a relationship partner here is no different than finding a vanilla - the same rules apply. like them, communicate with them, enjoy being with them - .  but theres no point liking and enjoying a persons company if theyre not going to trip youre Dom/me or sub switch because that in the end is how we're wired. 



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 3:49:04 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		no no Treasure,

if you notice on the right side of this blog...he has many months of comments, I didn't just read one lol

http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/dominant-dating-tips-totally-unexplored.html?zx=685f4287e4a9bc24

quote:

At any rate, it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other.  I'm not interested in picking apart a person or second guessing their motivations.  I take everyone here with a grain of salt, but I also accept that they are pretty much who they present themselves to be.  I've no reason to do otherwise as it's not like it makes any difference to my life.


You may not want to pick apart someone here or second guessing but I also have the freedom and forthright to do so if I choose to, am inclined with proper proof, motivation and time.

It made no difference in my life, I just chose any random sentence from his 'rant' and posted it in Google and voila....it wasn't rocket science.

I was bored. 

Yet, I stress again, either he is a plagiarist or a liar.  Seems not to matter around here since he can just get another name (if he likely doesn't have 5 already) and start all over again. Vicious circle of bulls*t.

THAT is what women have to beware of, forget the longwinded passages of 'I'm here to help you' type rules and regulations. 

As others have said....it is usually the neighbors who exclaim 'buuut he was such a nicceee guy' (or the clown in Gacy's case, etc) that we gotta watch for...and I am calling this one OUT as a not so nice fraud in either direction.

quote:

I've no reason to do otherwise as it's not like it makes any difference to my life.


and I have to point that out.  Maybe you have a Dominant already? maybe you are not looking?? no clue

but someday, somehow this/he will make a difference in SOMEONE's life, in the lifestyle, HERE, perhaps a single gal who is a close friend, or even a stranger.  Defend all you want, but I'd prefer to watch some other gal's back by calling a spade a spade.


< Message edited by came4U -- 2/8/2011 3:56:29 PM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 4:30:58 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		*wanders off to read The Boyfriend Test by Dr. Walsh*

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.


(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 6:13:32 PM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		It is likely a dominant has no problem getting laid , uh huh

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 9:53:39 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36
::snip::
But I suspect you had already chatted quite a bit before rocking up at his place? And maybe told a friend when you would be back??
They are guidelines - not rules.


Actually, no. A couple of emails, about 5 phone calls.


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MasterR36)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/9/2011 7:19:51 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36
::snip::
But I suspect you had already chatted quite a bit before rocking up at his place? And maybe told a friend when you would be back??
They are guidelines - not rules.



Actually, no. A couple of emails, about 5 phone calls.




You did better than me. I talked to a Mistress in Memphis on aol chat twice before I met her at a hotel there and then went off to see my very first dungeon. Didn't actually talk to her on the phone until after we had met at the hotel restaurant and I made up my mind to actually show up at the party. Yea it was stupid, but I trust my instincts and they very rarely fail me.




< Message edited by thishereboi -- 2/9/2011 7:20:22 AM >

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/9/2011 7:28:05 AM   
MasterR36


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
Load of bollox.
(Can't spell it out anymore poetically than that bruv).



Well I can't argue with logic like that ;-P

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/9/2011 7:46:09 AM   
MasterR36


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
OK here's spelling it out:
a bar is a power-over situation, embued with stereotypical codes of behavious.
A consensual bdsm relation is a power exchange.
I know where I feel safe/safer/safest/
In other words you are still talking bollox.




Grammar and typos aside, this doesn't make any sense. You cannot compare 'meeting someone in a bar' with a 'consensual BDSM relationship'.

You cannot HAVE a consensual BDSM relationship without trust, and you cannot establish trust without at the very least a long conversation, ideally a first 'date' to suss each other out. At the very least you need to be setting limits and agreeing safe words (unless you are into no-limits play, which again is fine for experienced players but for brand new subs could scare them off for life (or scar them for life)).

Online chat and email can never match voice or face-to-face conversation. I have studied enough communication to understand this - the old adage that 90% of communication is non-verbal is true - and a lot of the trust you would build up to have that BDSM relationship can only be developed by real meetings.

For instance, you cannot pick up intonations in voice from online chat and email. You can't pick up physical markers that work into gut instinct either. Simple things like a head shaking when you say yes or nodding when you say no that subconsciously give you clues someone isn't being 100% honest.

I'm not saying you can't just rock up and play, I saying I wouldn't do it, and for people starting out in the scene I wouldn't recommend it either. What you choose to do yourself is your choice, but advising others that it's safe isn't something I'd do. It is, after all, an opinion and one which I'm perfectly entitled to ;)

And you can't play down the dangers either. A quick search finds this, which is relevant and recent (2010).

Kidnap gangs

PS: Ok, so I shouldn't have said subbies, my mistake...I can't get everything right!

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/9/2011 8:36:39 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36


quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
OK here's spelling it out:
a bar is a power-over situation, embued with stereotypical codes of behavious.
A consensual bdsm relation is a power exchange.
I know where I feel safe/safer/safest/
In other words you are still talking bollox.




Grammar and typos aside, this doesn't make any sense. You cannot compare 'meeting someone in a bar' with a 'consensual BDSM relationship'.

You cannot HAVE a consensual BDSM relationship without trust, and you cannot establish trust without at the very least a long conversation, ideally a first 'date' to suss each other out. At the very least you need to be setting limits and agreeing safe words (unless you are into no-limits play, which again is fine for experienced players but for brand new subs could scare them off for life (or scar them for life)).

Online chat and email can never match voice or face-to-face conversation. I have studied enough communication to understand this - the old adage that 90% of communication is non-verbal is true - and a lot of the trust you would build up to have that BDSM relationship can only be developed by real meetings.

For instance, you cannot pick up intonations in voice from online chat and email. You can't pick up physical markers that work into gut instinct either. Simple things like a head shaking when you say yes or nodding when you say no that subconsciously give you clues someone isn't being 100% honest.

I'm not saying you can't just rock up and play, I saying I wouldn't do it, and for people starting out in the scene I wouldn't recommend it either. What you choose to do yourself is your choice, but advising others that it's safe isn't something I'd do. It is, after all, an opinion and one which I'm perfectly entitled to ;)

And you can't play down the dangers either. A quick search finds this, which is relevant and recent (2010).

Kidnap gangs

PS: Ok, so I shouldn't have said subbies, my mistake...I can't get everything right!


what's wrong with "subbie"?

I have had some want to meet after a couple exchanges

and I don't see much said about the possible danger to that male side in meeting unknowns


_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to MasterR36)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/9/2011 4:39:09 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		*Sets aside The Boyfriend Test and begins reading The Emotionally Abused Woman by Engel*

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 5:49:54 AM   
RaceBannon


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		My, my, my...six pages of comments, and many attacking my character, motivations, honesty, etc...

No sure what to say about any of these comments other than, don't like what I wrote? Try making such a document yourself. Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.

Easy enough?

Good luck on the endeavor, and be well...

(in reply to petmonkey)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 5:52:10 AM   
RaceBannon


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by RaceBannon -- 2/10/2011 5:59:11 AM >

(in reply to MasterR36)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 5:59:01 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If the work was yours originally, OP, why didn't you just link the page in the first place?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RaceBannon)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:08:21 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

My, my, my...six pages of comments, and many attacking my character, motivations, honesty, etc...

No sure what to say about any of these comments other than, don't like what I wrote? Try making such a document yourself. Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.

Easy enough?

Good luck on the endeavor, and be well...



been there done that

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to RaceBannon)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:10:08 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.


I did.

I sat down and noted on red flags in both of your 'personas' and in doing so it inadvertently knocked your entire document's promise of you personally being someone of good character out the window.

The document isn't the red flag.  You are. My decision was not surmised from thin air, it came from research and from my own wisdom.

quote:

think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon)


It is THAT in mind that I felt impelled to study further.  You should be thanking me lol.  I protected them from someone like 'you'.

Anyone with Google can give advice on skydiving, but would you trust them to attach your gear and pack your parachute?  Sorry, I give an epic fail to the entire content when it comes from someone with so little class.


< Message edited by came4U -- 2/10/2011 6:13:51 AM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:17:21 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

My, my, my...six pages of comments, and many attacking my character, motivations, honesty, etc...

No sure what to say about any of these comments other than, don't like what I wrote? Try making such a document yourself. Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.

Easy enough?

Good luck on the endeavor, and be well...



I much prefer spraying on them, not praying.
*Smirks*

And speaking purely for myself, I wanted to thank the OP for protecting all those poor lil innocent helpless brainless slaves/subs from their own lack of capacity. I bet that nationwide their panties are dropping in gratitude.


P.S.: Here's Kana's guide to finding that ideal Dom (patent pending) in it's entirety: "Use your head. Don't be a dumb bunny."


< Message edited by Kana -- 2/10/2011 6:31:10 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to RaceBannon)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:21:22 AM   
RaceBannon


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.


I did.

I sat down and noted on red flags in both of your 'personas' and in doing so it inadvertently knocked your entire document's promise of you personally being someone of good character out the window.

The document isn't the red flag.  You are. My decision was not surmised from thin air, it came from research and from my own wisdom.

quote:

think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon)


It is THAT in mind that I felt impelled to study further.  You should be thanking me lol.  I protected them from someone like 'you'.

Anyone with Google can give advice on skydiving, but would you trust them to attach your gear and pack your parachute?  Sorry, I give an epic fail to the entire content when it comes from someone with so little class.



The document says nothing about me personally, and certainly made no promises of me being "of good character."

Again, I don't see why you yourself don't attempt such an effort. You seem to have strong opinion, why not sit down and make a guide you feel is of value?

Write it, post it, and in the effort you might be able to help a person avoid a dangerous situation.

Be well...

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:29:26 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

The document says nothing about me personally, and certainly made no promises of me being "of good character."


the document states:

quote:

Why not simply allow them to expose their true character rather than give information empowering them to build a false persona to entrap you?


well, according to your blog, you and your gal did just that.  You had fake personas to toy with people for kicks.  (as mentioned on the last page).

quote:

Again, I don't see why you yourself don't attempt such an effort. You seem to have strong opinion, why not sit down and make a guide you feel is of value?
 

I don't need to jot down 'notes' on my fridge hunny to let myself know what I want in a man and life LOL.  That is why God invented my temporal lobe and I thus have the ability to retain information and memory.

quote:

Write it, post it, and in the effort you might be able to help a person avoid a dangerous situation.


For one, I don't give unsolicited advice to anyone. So, NO, I will not post 'my' opinions and experiences to generalize for every possible submissive on the planet.  I am not much of a believer of others doing the same.  It is awkward and too generic and always up for interpretation by others -- both in content and in the author's motive.

I could be hit by a bus tomorrow,  Writing a damn note on my forehead couldn't stop that. I pretty well know when someone is dangerous or if a situation is. Some of us can just sniff it from afar. I didn't live to see 44 by not following my gut instinct and I didn't need have a pencil on a string to make myself feel that way either.



< Message edited by came4U -- 2/10/2011 6:35:53 AM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


(in reply to RaceBannon)
Profile   Post #: 120
Page:   <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109