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"Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:26:21 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Before you get all skin-crawly over the word "training," hear me out. =p

Have you ever gotten into a relationship for the experience of it? Like if someone engages in different levels of protocol, etc?
I am interested in a lot of things and sometimes I feel that it doesn't make sense to say i don't like it if I haven't tried it.

Have you ever thought about trying out a type of relationship, maybe for a contracted period of time?
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:30:53 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		No, never. I learned everything I know from trying them within the context of my relationships.

If I was not so into the person, I could not have tried those things, so to be involved in a relationship where training was the only goal, would leave me cold.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:41:43 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		isn't that what really happens anyway?

you like it you stay, you don't like it you walk



_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:48:41 AM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		It does make sense to say i don't like it if I haven't tried it
I have never eat Fish or sea food & will not even try.
some of us dont like to try new things or lets call it some new things.
wishing you luck thou.

(in reply to osf)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:53:23 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have entered into a couple of relationships that were casual and I knew they were going to be. I entered into them because I liked the person involved more so than for the experience of it. Though like osf notes...is that not what happens with almost every person we meet? We learn about new things?

I do see what you are saying, though I (personally) relate it more to a time period somewhat less than a short-term relationship (6 mos or less) but more than a one-night stand. For me, that may be because of My age and where I have come to in life. Believe it or not...not so wild about one-night stands anymore.


(in reply to osf)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:53:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		For protocol and service, why not? Your emotions won't get involved like if it was sexual.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:54:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yes, I've done it.  I've had positive experiences in doing so.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 7:57:15 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

For protocol and service, why not? Your emotions won't get involved like if it was sexual.


How do you know that? There are many people who get attached to any sort of D/s dynamic, sexual or not.

Especially if someone is new to this.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 8:16:10 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
Have you ever thought about trying out a type of relationship, maybe for a contracted period of time?
Nope. I don't try out relationships, I try out people. When I get involved with someone, the presumption is that it's till death do us part.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 8:22:49 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		certainly you have casual friendships. "relationship" simply means a state of having some sort of bond/relation with another person. you have a relationship with your boss, a relationship with your mom, a relationship with your mate -- none of them are the same, but they are all relationships.
and i'm not necessarily saying it has to avoid emotional attachment. like i have a play/service relationship with my Top friend -- i intend for him to remain my friend forever and ever amen, even if the nature of what we do together changes because i find a Dominant of my own.
i don't really see it as any different than that. OR any different than taking some funny new job just because you want to see if it fits you. if i had a friend who was interested in showing me a "high protocol experience," i don't think there'd be anything wrong with trying that out.

all that matters is that the expectations of what is is and is NOT are the same for both people involved.
for a long-term relationship, i'm looking for someone i can be happy with for life, in whatever ways that manifests.
but i don't think that automatically precludes a person from also seeking out experiences they may not have had before.

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 8:47:15 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		what sometimes happens in imo is it is a fill in play relationship until something permanent comes along, or one person sees it that way and the other would wish it to be permanent

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 8:50:33 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I have a number of times, sometimes it was sexually gratifying and even informative but always I learned something new. (I have taught too). I have never had bad effects or ill will formed.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 9:00:08 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry Lilly... Obviously you're correct that there were a bunch of assumptions in my answer. Yeah, I wasn't talking about friends. And no, I wouldn't be doing a "protocol experience" with a friend. But I fully understand that other people would. I also understand that other people are way, way more willing to engage in temporary liaisons than I am... and frankly they are probably smarter than me.

I didn't mean to be saying anything was "right" or "wrong". The answer was merely "what I do."

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 9:51:54 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have gotten into relationships to experience them, but not because of the things they do. I find it difficult to think of BDSM in terms of filling a role, for me it has always been a fluid transition. If I wish to observe I can watch others. Should anything I see spark some interest for me, I may then seek out someone who looks for that sort of dynamic. But I would not go out of my way to experience something just to say I have.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 10:38:38 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		My very first relationship was deliberately short-term. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of BDSM, if it suited me, and if I was ready for such a relationship.

So I had a casual relationship with a guy to experience many different things, and as it moved on I found that there were parts of the relationship that were great (the S&M stuff - he showed me I was a masochist, lol) but it was lacking in the D/s side of things.

The relationship fizzled out after 5 or 6 months, and we parted as friends (and we're still friends 10 years later). From that relationship I had a much better understanding of my needs and 'must haves' within the BDSM world, and spent the last few years trying to find it.

I don't think I'd refer to it as a 'training relationship' though...maybe a whore's d'ouvre? (sorry.....)

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There's nowt so queer as folk


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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 11:06:44 AM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i don't really see it as any different than that. OR any different than taking some funny new job just because you want to see if it fits you. if i had a friend who was interested in showing me a "high protocol experience," i don't think there'd be anything wrong with trying that out.

all that matters is that the expectations of what is is and is NOT are the same for both people involved.
for a long-term relationship, i'm looking for someone i can be happy with for life, in whatever ways that manifests.
but i don't think that automatically precludes a person from also seeking out experiences they may not have had before.


I think I am getting hung up a bit by your terms. To me, the bolded would just be "having fun with a friend", not a "training relationship". I would equate it with going whitewater rafting with someone who knows a lot about it; not a big deal, just a fun activity. Do you see it differently?
As for seeking something specific out for the purpose of learning an activity, sure, I suppose that would qualify as a training relationship. I just probably wouldn't consider it so formally on my own.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 11:36:33 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i think there's some assumption that i'm making it into a "big deal" what with the "i only form relationships for 'forever'" comments and now this one. =p
it's not something i'm looking into doing TODAY, twas just an idea that has popped up a time or two every time i run into something new, or something old that becomes interesting again. a lot of my ideas on the lifestyle are being solidified and while i had a great relationship with M, that one ended up abruptly due to his death. there are a lot of things that i've just never explored, so i feel weird saying "no i'd never do that," when half the stuff i've done and LOVE now are things i said "no, i'd never do that" to.

anyway, it is what it is. take it as seriously as you want, methinks my point is being lost, but that's not surprising on collarme. =p haha
have a great day everyone

(in reply to mbes)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 12:07:09 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm  firm believer in not saying that I will never do something when I have no idea about it is I am refusing to try. I've often said to people who had mental blocks about something: "How will you ever know if this is something you don't want to do when you have never tried it once? You may be missing out on the greatest experience of your life."

It was against my whole training and what I had been brought up to honour to chain a woman let alone beat her arse wioth a crop or whip her or even use needles as body decoration, let alone tell her she was a slut and a whore (albeit my slut and whore). Thank God I listened to my first mentor and to my Gorean mentors as BDSM abd the kink was explained to me. I'm now thankfull that I was allowed access to their slaves to talk and ask qiuestions and to those slaves who volunteered to be my "slaves" to practice on.. I am as thankful to those folk as I am tom my father who arranged for the baby sitter (my kid brother was 8 at the time), to fuck me stupid and teach me how to please and explore a woman on my 16th birthday whilst he and Mother were at a cocktail party.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 12:49:48 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		thanks for that post IronBear; that's basically what i'm getting at. a method of learning that might be different from some, but no less valid. not as serious as "we'll be together forever," but not as non-serious as "fun with a friend."
it's a fine line, but i don't think it's a totally silly idea.

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: "Training" relationships? - 2/7/2011 1:20:47 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Yes ... I've done it and  would again

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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