Question about caging fantasy. (Full Version)

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TotallyDude -> Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:10:51 AM)

Okay first of all, I'm going to be open and not try to front about this, I have my own sad little caging fantasy too. So I can't pretend to be any cooler than the other guys who have similar fixations. It's just that before I started posting here I'd run across very few other sub guys who had a thing for cages but here it seems like a fad (an epidemic? too much?). Several Dommes have complained, no vented, no flat out damned well kvetched at me about "Those dumbasses who want to be locked in cages." It made me laugh, because it's cute when Dommes are all angry and frustrated. But so then anyway....

Because I'm both a dude and a scholar, I have some questions about the caging craze:

1) Is this just an internet meme, or is it also a compulsion that's being discussed in real life? I still don't think I've ever met a guy at an event or a club who is unusually fixated on the idea of being caged for a prolonged time. Now this is maybe skewed because guys don't necessarily open up to other (handsome, articulate) guys about stuff like this, but I pride myself on being a good listener. Or is it specifically a CM thing? This is still the only site I belong to and I haven't been in a chatroom since Yahoo gutted theirs so this is my only source for internet kink obsessions at the mo.

2) Is this recent or has it been going on for a while? I don't really know if things like this run in cycles or what. I know a pro friend of mine told me that she seems to get flogging enthusiasts or caning junkies in waves and assumes it's either pop culture or something in the water; also that after the video for Monster came out (with Nicki Minaj as a dominatrix) everybody wanted hoods and crops. So is the caging stuff like a new wave of wankery or has it been around forever and I'm just now noticing it or noticing others noticing it?



sexyred1 -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:14:02 AM)

I find it sad that you have labeled your own fantasies as sad. I love my fantasies; and don't find them sad in the least.

I think the idea about caging, and everything else under the kinky sun, has been around longer than anyone of us has been born.

I am sure Cleopatra caged some dudes and some cavewoman caged some asshole who couldn't kill a mammoth or something.




OttersSwim -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:16:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I am sure Cleopatra caged some dudes and some cavewoman caged some asshole who couldn't kill a mammoth or something.


Hawt...  [;)]



TotallyDude -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:23:24 AM)

quote:

I find it sad that you have labeled your own fantasies as sad. I love my fantasies; and don't find them sad in the least.

I think the idea about caging, and everything else under the kinky sun, has been around longer than anyone of us has been born.


lol I love my fantasy life as well, but I also know that some of my fantasies when exposed to the cold light of day sound sad, silly, hilarious and capricious to anybody who isn't me. I'm cool with that.

I know the idea of caging has been around forever, it just seems to have become such a hot button issue with some Dommes recently (not in the sense that they get offended but in the sense they roll their eyes and giggle and throw their hands up and ask "Why the hell is everybody into that now?") that I was wondering if there has been some kind of upsurge in its popularity recently and whether that upsurge is an internet phenomenon, a CM phenomenon, or whether it's also happened in the world at large.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:38:52 AM)

I get a bit peeved at guys who want to be kept in a cage in my basement "forever", I always wonder what it is in for me, I mean why would I want to have a cage in my basement where I keep a complete stranger, feed him, have a toilet installed there (I don't even want to think about the stink a bucket would create) - more trouble than my pets and less fun.



OttersSwim -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:44:38 AM)

I think the frustration (not sure that term is accurate, but you get the idea) is the concept of long-term caging of the male in the fantasy and the total impracticability of it all.

A great Lady (Miss Venatrix) who used to frequent these forums (and who's posts I miss a LOT) said something of this bent about it a couple of years ago...

"You mean I have to make space in my house, build a cage to house you, feed you, take care of you, and clean up your shit and mess...just to feed your fantasy?  Wouldn't it just be easier to have a goldfish?!"

Caging is a great fantasy, and spending a night, or even a weekend in a cage would be totally FUN and HAWT!  But that "keep me in a cage forever" fantasy just busts the bounds of credulity and common sense and I think that is what most folk object to...

[sm=2cents.gif]



TotallyDude -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:47:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I get a bit peeved at guys who want to be kept in a cage in my basement "forever", I always wonder what it is in for me, I mean why would I want to have a cage in my basement where I keep a complete stranger, feed him, have a toilet installed there (I don't even want to think about the stink a bucket would create) - more trouble than my pets and less fun.


LOL yeah those fantasies are sad/funny/sad. I usually assume most of those guys spend most of their time on a couch someplace cramming nachos in their mouths, getting fatter, and arguing with their friends on 4Chan or TvTropes how they'd change the old Scooby Doo cartoons if it were up to them. The only way their lives would change in a cage is there would be a toilet closer and they'd have an excuse other than "too lazy" for why they didn't shower that day.



LadyPact -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:48:04 AM)

Let's see if I can help you here.

The caging thing, like most other kinks, does seem to have certain spikes in interest.  The same goes for forced femme, CBT, anal, and just about anything else that you can think of.  It comes and goes in spurts, especially if folks read about it, think it's hot, so they adopt it for themselves for a little while.  That's not to discount the folks (like you) who do have it as a regular fantasy of their own that don't need prompting from anyone else to have it as a regular fantasy theme or something they participate in away from the screen.

The other part of this phenomenon that you are experiencing (the reaction from Dominant women) is something that comes from most males leading in with their fantasies, rather than knowing how to have a discussion on the net.  They miss the part that happens in real life, which is both people determining what will happen during a scene (in this case caging) and instead run with what they have in their own head.  They bring it about in such a way where the Dominant is the one actually catering to them and that turns a lot of Dominant women off.  It's a much different approach than what people use together in real life, where both of them are interested in the activity. 





LaTigresse -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 8:57:52 AM)

I find the idea of putting someone in a cage, for a short amount of time, extremely hot. I find the idea of taking care of a person stuck in a cage for a lengthy period of time very...........boring, annoying, uninteresting.

I already take care of, and clean up after.......1 cat, 1 fish, 3 dogs, and two horses. Not to mention the occasional grand child/children. The idea that I would have any interest in doing the same for a human being is preposterous.



wantoninhibition -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 9:24:02 AM)

          I think there is nothing wrong with the fantasy,  and nothing wrong with the idea that there is nothing in it for the domme to have a 24/7 human fertilizer machine either.          It's simply a tool in the Dominance and Submission world,  i like to have the threat of incarceration held over my head,  to be put in the cage and not know if it's for a milking, be introduced to new rules and objectives or flat assed punished.      

          Once inside the 24/7 fantasy quickly fades ( i don't have that fantasy often, because i know boredom will set in it short order )  the result is that i will be more receptive to carrying out the dommes prescibed agenda to get out.     To be told to get myself locked in and wait for further instructions really makes my mind review my prior performance.       To me it's a great tool for the domme to have her sub enter the cage on command every time without hesistation,   when he doesn't know what's on the dommes agenda.       To me it's a beautiful way to acknowledge your dommes authority and put yourself under her thumb,  and she's picking the time frame anyways.    As for the people who think they truly desire this 24/7 ,  give them 2 days and most every one would cave in,  so the fact that they say this fantasy appeals to them normally shouldn't be given much merit.



TotallyDude -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 9:27:30 AM)

quote:

The caging thing, like most other kinks, does seem to have certain spikes in interest.  The same goes for forced femme, CBT, anal, and just about anything else that you can think of.  It comes and goes in spurts, especially if folks read about it, think it's hot, so they adopt it for themselves for a little while.  That's not to discount the folks (like you) who do have it as a regular fantasy of their own that don't need prompting from anyone else to have it as a regular fantasy theme or something they participate in away from the screen.

The other part of this phenomenon that you are experiencing (the reaction from Dominant women) is something that comes from most males leading in with their fantasies, rather than knowing how to have a discussion on the net.  They miss the part that happens in real life, which is both people determining what will happen during a scene (in this case caging) and instead run with what they have in their own head.  They bring it about in such a way where the Dominant is the one actually catering to them and that turns a lot of Dominant women off.  It's a much different approach than what people use together in real life, where both of them are interested in the activity. 


Thanks! That is exactly what I was wondering. I'm very curious about what prompts these spikes in interest in various sorts of activity and kink. I wonder if representations in pop culture also come into play...like if there were a popular film that depicted a guy being caged by a woman whether it would cause and/or reawaken the urge in kinky guys all over the place.

And of course there is a huge disconnect between this kind of prolonged caging (the kind that takes place in a guy's own mind or on a screen with directors and editing) and the practical ramifications which, of course, it seems are mostly left up to the woman to consider and ultimately laugh about.

Other guys normally freeze up when I start to quiz them about this--apparently there's something about being interrogated by a polite and fairly affable but also sort of confrontational curious dude that kills the mood. Go figure.



TotallyDude -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 9:33:41 AM)

quote:

I find the idea of putting someone in a cage, for a short amount of time, extremely hot. I find the idea of taking care of a person stuck in a cage for a lengthy period of time very...........boring, annoying, uninteresting.


LOL yeah I can see how that would quickly turn into a pain in the ass. My own ideas are very different, though I'm not going to go into them here because I prefer not to wank in public (or if I do to at least do it in the frat party across the aisle, the journal section) but as soon as I mention "cages are hot" I can imagine my own reaction if I were a Domme and someone said that to me would definitely be to begin thinking about how much of a bummer it turned out to be just trying to take care of a pet rabbit when I was 9.



LadyPact -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 9:47:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TotallyDude
Thanks! That is exactly what I was wondering. I'm very curious about what prompts these spikes in interest in various sorts of activity and kink. I wonder if representations in pop culture also come into play...like if there were a popular film that depicted a guy being caged by a woman whether it would cause and/or reawaken the urge in kinky guys all over the place.

And of course there is a huge disconnect between this kind of prolonged caging (the kind that takes place in a guy's own mind or on a screen with directors and editing) and the practical ramifications which, of course, it seems are mostly left up to the woman to consider and ultimately laugh about.

Other guys normally freeze up when I start to quiz them about this--apparently there's something about being interrogated by a polite and fairly affable but also sort of confrontational curious dude that kills the mood. Go figure.

You're welcome.  I'm sure that it's completely possible for instances of pop culture to come into play.  When a flick is number one at the box office and it includes a certain scene that could easily be converted to a BDSM fantasy, kinky people spot that and run with it.  Suddenly, people are discussing it on message boards, writing erotica about it, and basically passing the idea on to other people.  The next thing comes along on a different topic and starts the cycle over again. 



Lockit -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 1:28:27 PM)

I always find it humorous when a submissive male thinks its funny to get domina's all upset and venting. Sure leads to a few opinions of mine. lol The thing is, are they explaining what they don't like about something, how they have come to the position they take on whatever it is or are they really upset? I think sometimes we are perceived as upset when we are simply stating how we feel.

As for the caging, I would cage someone and was planning on it until something vanilla and medical came up. (It was his, not mine, shock of all shocks! lol) It would have been one month where he was only allowed in one room, only allowed to do what was in that room to do and would be taken out to serve, learn, whatever. I would not have been taking care of him and wouldn't have been taking him out of a life he was avoiding. However, this was with someone known well to me and not some stranger in an email box talking about his fantasy of being locked up for life with all the details of how he expected it would go. Even when those types email me, I don't get upset... I may roll my eyes in humor or disgust, depending on the presentation or how many times the same idiot has slammed me with his projection, cut and paste kink and tried to force it. I wouldn't respond most times and passed the rolling of the eyes, would think nothing more of it. I do consider that many are simply trying to get a reaction from dominant women because they think that is humorous. Something like you TotallyDude, when you think it is funny to see the dominants get worked up over your fantasy.

Do they get worked up? I don't know. I can't answer for them. I can only answer for me and what I think might be going on. What motivates a man wishing to upset women by pushing his kink? Is it the kink or the pushing? Is it simply a guy wanting to talk about it or one that wants a reaction? Is it the kink or the fact that they have somehow imposed, pushed, projected, insulted or otherwise done something offensive or rude? Are straight talking answers considered venting, upset or just speaking the mind?

As to patterns of frequency of certain types of fantasy... I am sure there are because a lot of people are followers and some never heard of something and might have found an interest in a new thing. Whatever... I don't consider that a major problem. What can be a pain are the ones that think because they have a bright idea, they can just pick up a dominant that will do that to them by presenting themselves and the idea. It takes a bit more than that for most of us.



sexyred1 -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 1:35:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I always find it humorous when a submissive male thinks its funny to get domina's all upset and venting. Sure leads to a few opinions of mine. lol The thing is, are they explaining what they don't like about something, how they have come to the position they take on whatever it is or are they really upset? I think sometimes we are perceived as upset when we are simply stating how we feel.



Not to hijack, but this is good point and one that happens to us submissive women as well.

If I had a dollar for every time I politely explained, questioned or rejected a Dom in an initial email or conversation because I felt we were not compatible or I wanted to explain my views, and then got back, WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY/BITTER/NEGATIVE/NOT REAL/NOT A TRUE SUB/REALLY A DOMME or any combination thereof, I would be able to buy my next designer bag.



AAkasha -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 1:43:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TotallyDude

quote:

I find the idea of putting someone in a cage, for a short amount of time, extremely hot. I find the idea of taking care of a person stuck in a cage for a lengthy period of time very...........boring, annoying, uninteresting.


LOL yeah I can see how that would quickly turn into a pain in the ass. My own ideas are very different, though I'm not going to go into them here because I prefer not to wank in public (or if I do to at least do it in the frat party across the aisle, the journal section) but as soon as I mention "cages are hot" I can imagine my own reaction if I were a Domme and someone said that to me would definitely be to begin thinking about how much of a bummer it turned out to be just trying to take care of a pet rabbit when I was 9.



One of the tricks in communicating your fantasies or favorite kink acts with a woman is to present the idea in a way that doesn't sound like the 500 other guys who also told her that fantasy as if it's super unique and weird or edgy or outrageous. More important than that, though, is realizing that the only way you are going to resonate with a femdom who may share an interest in that fantasy is to understand she's got to get something out of it. It's not about what turns YOU on about the cage, it's about what turns HER on -- and while lots of us have various interests/fascinations with cages, the reason it makes us excited or turned on varies tremendously. Some can be very specific, right down to the design and look of the cage, others are more about the concept of imprisonment or the visual impact of having "a prisoner."

I've probably been approached at least 5 - 10 times in the past few months or year by men who have some sort of a cage fetish and want me to talk to them about it or are trying to find an excuse to discuss it with me, but it's always the same end game and we femdoms see this train coming a mile away: the 'discussion' of the how, why, whatever, is probably an opportunity for them to live their fantasies vicariously through us.

If a man honestly wanted to talk to me about 'cages' and had done his due diligence, he'd talk to me about air tight penalty boxes or plexiglass coffins - in a manner that perked my interest and moistened my panties. My 'cage' fantasies are far different than most -- I think femdoms like to be approached as individuals.

Akasha



TotallyDude -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 2:06:03 PM)

quote:

One of the tricks in communicating your fantasies or favorite kink acts with a woman is to present the idea in a way that doesn't sound like the 500 other guys who also told her that fantasy as if it's super unique and weird or edgy or outrageous. More important than that, though, is realizing that the only way you are going to resonate with a femdom who may share an interest in that fantasy is to understand she's got to get something out of it. It's not about what turns YOU on about the cage, it's about what turns HER on -- and while lots of us have various interests/fascinations with cages, the reason it makes us excited or turned on varies tremendously. Some can be very specific, right down to the design and look of the cage, others are more about the concept of imprisonment or the visual impact of having "a prisoner."

I've probably been approached at least 5 - 10 times in the past few months or year by men who have some sort of a cage fetish and want me to talk to them about it or are trying to find an excuse to discuss it with me, but it's always the same end game and we femdoms see this train coming a mile away: the 'discussion' of the how, why, whatever, is probably an opportunity for them to live their fantasies vicariously through us.


That makes sense. I used to pull that trick frequently (and surprisingly effectively) when I was a college freshman hanging out in irc at odd hours. At a certain point I started to feel guilty because it was pretty exploitative to get Dommes to talk through scenarios just to live it vicariously, and also because it was ultimately an empty and fatuous exercise for both of us.

As far as the actual dialog and negotiation with a real play partner goes, I treat that very differently than I treat my fantasy life. There are, of course, scenarios that suggest themselves with frequency and intensity in my own mind regarding cages (even in these part of what is hot to me is figuring out what the imaginary tormentress is getting out of it, I'm wired to be aroused specifically by sadistic impulses in women), but when it comes to real life scenarios I don't want to be the one to write the script. I'm far more interested in what the woman wants and what gets her aroused, not so much because I'm selfless (I'm a selfish brat in some ways) but because that's what happens to interest me. You offer really good advice though and I appreciate it so thanks!



TotallyDude -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 2:08:12 PM)

quote:

I always find it humorous when a submissive male thinks its funny to get domina's all upset and venting. Sure leads to a few opinions of mine. lol The thing is, are they explaining what they don't like about something, how they have come to the position they take on whatever it is or are they really upset? I think sometimes we are perceived as upset when we are simply stating how we feel.


Thanks for the reply. I'm afraid perhaps I didn't make myself very clear in the first post, and I am sorry about that. When I referred to Dommes "being cute when they get upset" I was referring mostly to people I know and am either friends with or friendly enough with to joke around. A lot of my friends are cute when they get upset, which I won't apologize for. But it wasn't a case of me going around trying to get a rise out of random people and then gloating when I managed to irritate someone by the clever tactic of being irritating. Sorry if that's how it came off. :)



meatslaveOphelia -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 4:38:25 PM)

Hi A/all,

    i like this thread, a nice light exploration of a good subject, but just to say, 24/7 caging may be one of the more extreme ways to live the lifestyle, but it is valid as a practice.  i actually courted a Domme, whom i'm afraid to say passed me over, because She didn't feel i could handle real confinement, and i know She was and is tremendously special and real and deeply erotic and a good match, even if She has since moved on.  i'm now beginning an exchange nd exploration for a similar if less exacting 24/7 situation, and i'm seriously considering (as wanksterish and masturbatory as it sounds) locking myself up in the closet a bit, try to break myself in a bit.  i guess what i'm saying is, Yes, this is a deep and demanding way to see 24/7, but beyond fantasy is epiphany and transcendence.  i'll see You there. ;)

Also, and i like the range of lifestyles and, ahm, behaviours, that make up BDSM, but from the occasional spicy play through to the 24/7 Sadist/masochist slavery dehumanizers, there should be a certain if only minimal respect.  Only minimal, there's alot i see i judge and harshly, actually i think all the straight male doms are monsters if Y/you ask me honestly, but at the same time, let's not validate O/ourselves or O/our kinks by laughing at anyO/one.  Especially not by laughing.  Yes, every once in a while one must laugh, and above all W/we shouldn't take O/ourselves too seriously.  But a casual weekender has still made a commitment to this, well, culture, and ridicule is telling in how they feel about themselves and their desires.  Just saying.

Oh, and i have come to refer to myself as 'it' in the lifestyle, which many find off-putting and i can see why.... but i do it because it's super hot and sexy. ;)  It doesn't mean i won't knock you the f**k out or that i don't enjoy give and take.  But it is useful and symbolic and ... well, hot.  So, judge, sure.... but ridicule is a cruel weapon and a revealing defense.

So go, be caged for a minute or an hour or a night, and enjoy it for the journey.  Personally, i think it can be mainly about decadence, especially (maybe only) for male subs.  After all, what could be more decadent than being roused only to serve a Woman?  The give is in Your apparent helplessness and non-threatening context, the take is that when They 'release' us, it's because.... They need us.  So have fun with it. ;)

msO.



servantforuse -> RE: Question about caging fantasy. (2/8/2011 5:19:53 PM)

I have had fantasizies of being caged and have done so several times. Once for overnight, and several times for 2 to 4 hours. The fantasy for me quickly fades. In my mind it is a form of punishment and not very enjoyable once you are locked in and ignored..



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