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xssve -> RE: Therapy (2/9/2011 8:33:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SyntheticPet
quote:
ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Well, I am not an expert by any means, but the few times I went to see non-kink friendly therapists to talk about my last relationship for example; they did not focus on the relationship, instead they tried to find out why I WANTED to be submissive. They saw being submissive as an affliction, which clearly, it is not.
You may be lucky to find a terrific therapist that is not presented as kink friendly, but that is just my experience.
Also, what do you want help with? To not be submissive or to understand your feelings better?
To not be submissive. I'm not saying it's a disease or anything, but it's definitly not right. If men were supposed to be submissive, more women would be dominant. One doesn't need to look closely to realize there's a lot more submissive males than dominant females.
Never been married, eh?
Well to start with, the vast gulf you imagine between dominance and submission isn't as big as all that, typically, dominants are compelled towards social dominance, and get a charge out of it, submissive's feel compelled to obey and typically tend to enjoy that as well - further, each is often uncomfortable in the opposite role - but outside of that, they typically both are capable of having goals and ambitions, making reasoned decisions, acting responsibly, etc., and those are really the most important traits of adulthood.
You should think about why you feel you are submissive, and how being submissive makes you feel - a submissive can learn to be dominant, and vice versa, but there is no guarantee it will make you happy, you can alter your behavior, assertiveness training, Martial arts to build self confidence, etc., you just might be miserable doing it, so you need to ask yourself how much your own happiness is worth to you - lots of people are miserable, so you won't be alone, but that's going to be your call.
There is also the possibility that you are, god forbid, normal, i.e., who is dominant and who is submissive aren't issues that keep you up at night, I really don't know without knowing your history - did somebody tell you you were submissive?
I've seen otherwise normal people who have been convinced they were submissive, when they were anything but, and people convinced they were dominant, when they clearly were not, etc., there is often a gulf between self image and self knowledge - in time, you may well become that which you imagine yourself to be, but I don't think it's fate - instead, one may have more passive or aggressive personality (or passive/aggressive), and that may lead one one direction or another, others are dominant because they partner with someone who's simply more submissive than they are, which in no way makes them "fake", it's really more of an interpersonal dynamic rather than a personality type in many, many instances.
In any case, these are questions you'd likely encounter with a kink friendly counselor, I would think, but maybe you should first try the switch forum, they likely have more insight on the subject than I do, and more experience in playing both sides of the fence, as it were - it's a halfway point, and many at some point, end up going one way or the other, so again, I think you might get more balanced opinions from them.
My concern here is that you have this abstract view that "it's not right", this seems to me to an opinion that has come from without - i.e., you want to be dominant in order to please somebody else or conform to someone else's expectations, which is being other directed, and in some sense, a submissive state, which you might be dominant within - i.e., even though the pope is the man, for example, he is technically servus, i.e., a servant of God - although Ratzinger is a servant of the devil if you ask me.
Away, you could bounce around like that for quite a while, there are wheels within wheels here - leading you back to: what makes you happy, and how important is that to you? In what situations do you wish to be dominant, and how important is that to you?
i.e., you can learn to assert yourself in those situations, and that might work for you - I've known submissive guys all my life who could play the devil-may-care, find 'em, fuck 'em, forget 'em cavalier hanging with the guys, and like puppies when their buddies aren't around - i.e., you can put on a dominant act. It sucks, but people do it all the time. Whatever works for you man, nothin's perfect, but don't forget whose life it is.
If you have an SO already, that might be a factor.
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