RE: Should I accept it ??

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Should I accept it ??

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Should I accept it ??

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 12:53:11 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atyourholyfeet

What do you think about this ?

Is this an acceptable behavior ? I mean , should I just accept this or do you think that she's not fair to me ?

Please answer me .

Sam

Why did you choose the screenname you did?

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to atyourholyfeet)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 1:32:44 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

she tells me that in D/s relationship she has the right to do what she wants and I have to accept .

do you actually believe this?

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to atyourholyfeet)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 2:03:43 AM

ImaginativeWhims

Posts: 81
Joined: 2/8/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Well sam, is that the shit you signed up for?

Quoted for truth.

Being a Dominant means that you Dominate your submissive. If part of this agreement with my Sub is that they sleep under the bed while I bring anyone I please to my bed, then so be it.

In essence, if it bothers you, bring it to the attention of your D/ and if she's going to argue with you and you're not okay with it, then you need to make a decision.

My thoughts on your question only, please don't take my word as more than it is.

< Message edited by ImaginativeWhims -- 2/10/2011 2:04:21 AM >

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 2:24:04 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

well to get really puritanical on you - Ds doesnt mean that at all. if youre in an Ms relationship then such an attitude is possible certainly. so she's got her facts wrong right there!

but in the end it doesnt matter what the dynamic at work is. as FT said, if its the shit you signed up for and its not working for you and it clearly isnt tell her and if she refuses to discuss it youll have to decide for youreself what the right thing is for you.

if you can say honestly that one year from now youll be otherwise happy then find a way to deal with it. if you know this is going to send you nuts and cause resentment and the idea of being in the same situation a year from now just fills you with dread, then maybe its time to do a really big think about it all.

good luck and im sorry youre in this place. x

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ImaginativeWhims)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 5:30:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't know the OP and I have no idea of what the dynamic entails. The other thread that was linked gives reason to believe that being cuckold is part of the situation. If that's true (instead of bunk as has been suggested) that might be exactly what the guy signed up for, which means she's perfectly within her rights in her behavior. Not all cucks get introduced to the woman's "dates" and not all cucks are told when the woman is coming home. Granted, if it were Me, I'd either make a call or send a text to say that I was alive and not laying in a ditch somewhere, but she may choose otherwise.

If somebody is feeling neglected because they found that what they signed up for isn't just a hot fantasy and there's actual emotions involved (which is precisely what part of being a cuck is about) there might be some discussions that need to be had and some choices made. If a person can't hack what they volunteered for, fine. Get out of the dynamic or ask if the other person is willing to alter it. At the same time, I'm not going to treat them like they are some kind of victim. If you knew you were getting into a dynamic where the Dominant would be engaging in these activities, in My opinion, you've got exactly what you should have expected.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 5:45:54 AM

TotallyDude

Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline

quote:

If you are suggesting that the wank material needs to be directed to the Mistress forum, I'll kick your ass.

Edited for an emote, of all things.

lol!

Awww but I was only trying to help, in my own special way!

_____________________________

The Dude abides.

Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 7:24:28 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

asking other people for opinions often serves the purpose of validation -- and really there's nothing wrong with validation. if you feel something is wrong, but someone is treating you like you're stupid for thinking that, it can be VERY reassuring and a confidence booster to hear that other people agree with you.

so what did you guys negotiate when you got into D/s? did you discuss your expectations for the relationship? did you discuss poly and how to apply it to your relationship?
it's a common mistake to think that the other person is thinking of things exactly the same way as you are -- many people really don't discuss the ins and outs as well as they should. it doesnt have to be a business meeting with powerpoint presentations and the like (though it could be =p) but you may have to re-negotiate some things.

ask her for some time to openly express your feelings, and tell her how you're feeling. many people will suggesting "putting the D/s aside," which, even if you feel your role is "natural" to you, you can do by putting aside protocol and attempts by the D to assert control over the flow of the conversation. sometimes people use "Dominance" to prevent you from expressing opinions, which isn't healthy (at least in my opinion). so put all of that aside and have an honest heart to heart about how you're feeling. feeling neglected often breeds resentment and resentment on part of one partner often ends in both partners being single.
you need to be as upfront as possible because sometimes you DO have to stick up for yourself.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 7:37:01 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atyourholyfeet

Hello All ,

I have a question . I'm married to a dominant lady in a D/a relationship . She used to go out sometimes without telling me where she's going , and stay out of home for several nights sometimes . She refuses to tell me where she is going and refused to give me any details about people she's going out with . And when I tell her that I feel neglected , she tells me that in D/s relationship she has the right to do what she wants and I have to accept .

What do you think about this ?

Is this an acceptable behavior ? I mean , should I just accept this or do you think that she's not fair to me ?

Please answer me .

Sam

You've had some good answers. If this is NOT what you signed up for, you need to ask her to sit down and discuss. If she will not, then you have some choices to make.

If, as Lady Pact noted, you DID sign up for all that goes with being cuckolded, then...like it or not...you DID sign up for it. Does that mean you have to continue to endure it? No. But neither should you come around and make a post like this which comes across as one seeking to evoke sympathy from others...which it did...but evokes it because of the visceral nature of the human animal...

The post you have written comes across as one in which your Domme is doing something horribly wrong. Going out for several days...going with others...while poor submissive you sits at home. This is bound to get sympathy from those who see only monogamous D/s relationships as being "the" way. But, NOT all D/s dynamics or romantic relationships are set up to be monogamous, are they? If your relationship started out including her right to play with others and you going the cuckold route, then she is doing what you agreed to. Finding it rocky? Discuss it with her...if she will. If she will not and it no longer works for you, then you have to find the balls to say so and leave if no changes are made.

(in reply to atyourholyfeet)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 3:21:02 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atyourholyfeet

Is this an acceptable behavior ? I mean , should I just accept this or do you think that she's not fair to me ?

Yes it is acceptable, and yes you should accept it.

Well actually my real answer is that you obviously don't accept it or else you wouldn't be posting here but I decidedly chose to pick the answer that didn't have "she's not fair to me" in it.

I'm curious though Sam, you say she "used to go out sometimes" not that she's currently doing it. And you seem to focus more on the fact that she wouldn't tell you who she was going out with, not the fact that she was going out. So do you really feel "neglected" or are you just afraid she's cheating and don't have the balls to ask her?

(in reply to atyourholyfeet)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 3:23:41 PM

submitting4U

Posts: 64
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline

Some couples "practice" D/s play and live it 24/7 ... if it wasn't discussed before hand then do so now. Maybe you will rethink this relationship or come to accept her terms. In my own opinion, if You agreed to a D/s relationship as her /s, then ask her to let you suck his cum from her pussy ... it will be a bitter at first, but you will learn to be grateful that she shares ... There is little that is healthy in D/s relationships so lower your expectations ... it will get worse ... it has no other place to go ... but to hell!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/10/2011 5:25:03 PM

a1111

Posts: 49
Joined: 10/1/2009
Status: offline

id say express how you feel, if you feel angry about it speak up and dont let yourself be surpressed

(in reply to submitting4U)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/11/2011 2:29:44 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

I'm with the consensus here.

It doesn't matter a fuck whether this is acceptable to me, or not. What matters is whether it's acceptable to you.

If it isn't, then you have a relationship problem to deal with, and if she's not willing to change her ways, and you're not willing to accept it then it's time to put on some grown-up pants and move on.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to atyourholyfeet)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/11/2011 2:35:09 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

I wouldn't accept it, they would of never got a foot in the door to be a dominant in my life with this behavior let alone one who went out on me frequently. But, it doesn't matter what we say, what matters if you want to tolerate it, if not speak up and yes, maybe break it off with her, or just sit down shut up and continue the way it is.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to crazyml)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/11/2011 2:53:33 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

You are faced with an honest problem. Her playing the D/s card don't change jack shit, so either you'll have to suck things up until you fucking explode and really loose it... or look at your alternative options. If she don't want to listen or take the time to deal with it then that's her issue and not yours.

I would have either packed up my shit and left, or packed up her shit and when she came home to a house full of boxed stuff, tell her she needs to MOVE Her ass down on down the road to ever where it is she's been staying at.

Then again, poor little subbies ain't supposed to have any backbone in the corners of some people's mind. Dude, life is too short for this shit.

Like FuckinTroll asked, is this what you signed up for? Seriously?

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Should I accept it ?? - 2/13/2011 7:04:08 AM

txurinal

Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Shadow-tiger and submitting4u both make a good point. If you entered into a 24/7 slave relationship, then you have no voice in the matter Now having said that, since this is your wife and clearly you are unhappy, then yes it is time for a frank discussion on the parameters of your relationship. Even a slave needs to be comfortable in the relationship with their DOMINANT and if SHE says this is how it is or else and you cannot deal with that, then your choice of course is else

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Profile

Post #: 35