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Needing some advice - Long - 5/3/2006 7:13:31 PM   
DommeLaura


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Ladies,
I am new here, but not new to this lifestyle. This is my first foray into the world of cyber relationships. I arrived here a week ago and posted a profile. I received an overwhelming response as I am sure all of you did. Lots of subs/slave hopefuls that need to read the beautifully written *primer for male submissives* posted on this board and some inquiries that were sincere and piqued my interest.

I am looking for some advice on my situation. I have not been a professional Domme, but a lifestyle Mistress. I lived in Switzerland for many years and trained under an older Domme there and was active in the community. Eventually I aquired 3 longterm slaves that lived with me and one adult baby. These were my treasures. I worked in my vanilla life and enjoyed my career. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. This was devastating news for many reasons. His father also had Alzheimer's Disease and was put in the care of a nurse. This nurse ended up abusing my grandfather which resulted in a broken arm. I made a commitment to my father that I would never put him in the care of a nurse or caregiver when he was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Fastforward to now, I have moved from Switzerland to Illinois to care for my father. It is a fulltime job. I do not have other family here, but a few friends that can watch my father for very brief periods while I get out for groceries,etc but I can't disappear for hours. He is not too confused, but not okay on his own. I am not able to have a houseboy, a slave or that sort of relationship in person. It would be horrifying to my father. I thought I could do this online but I am not sure how it would work. Is it possible to be a professional Domme online? I know there are ads here, but I don't understand how it can work.  I am not interested in just doing online cam one off sessions or phone sex operator type of stuff. With my father I can't even commit to being on the phone for long periods of time, I just never know what is going to happen. I want a real relationship with sub/slave/adult baby. I just don't know how to work so much of what would go on in real life such as forced bi and sending out my slave to another Mistress. Can anyone offer me advice or ideas about how this is workable? I am looking at the future and anticipating that I could be in this position for many years.
Thank you for reading through all this. I appreciate your time and consideration of my stituation.
Laura
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/3/2006 7:53:06 PM   
MsMacComb


Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline 		 I dont know (obviously) if you are in a large city or rural area but there are organizations that can assist. This link is just one that came up on a quick search. I have an aunt in Iowa that goes a couple times a week to a similiar one. My uncles concern and objections initially was his fear that she wouldnt like it, would panic that he wasnt around her etc. It ended up being a wonderful thing for both of them. Your own long term health and sanity can be affected in a very negative way if you don't have at least a few hours a week for yourself (or you and your sub etc).
http://serve1another.com/carefor.htm 

Sorry that I can't offer any advice as to your real question other than just figuring out how to make time for your own needs.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to DommeLaura)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/3/2006 11:56:33 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear DommeLaura, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I do understand your situation, as I am in the same situation with my mother.  However, I do make time for myself as, to go to The Crucible, a BDSM club and, I go on weekends and do scenes with a part time slave *uncollared* and enjoy my skills with such a lively slave.  I also take time to do faculty work with Master Taino.  I just stay more local, instead of national and international travel.
 
But, I do this off premise.
 
Some submissive men who have had aged parents are the most wonderful ones to deal with, as they can relate and actually approve of the honor of being a good custodian to a parent.  Some are in the same situation but, lucky to pawn it off on their sisters.
 
I would never commit to a cyber relationship, phone only relationship--not only does it bite into the privacy but, it makes you slave to a time table.  I rather just chat as "me" with no strings attached, as to keep my stress down and those who seek some 'relationship' online or otherwise.  I don't want these lads or lassies to linger while I'm acting as parent to a parent who is mentally slipping away, adding to their stress and or frustration.
 
You may want to look in the community for Alzheimer's support groups, some social services in the government offer "senior care" and you can drop off and pick up later, which is mostly day time though.  Some nurses pick up part time jobs, as to be home care but, Alzheimer's groups have support--grab it!   I also know that my health care HMO (Kaiser Perm) has offered help as to give me a break also.  Something to explore.

But, right now--like you; I have an adult toddler (my mother).
 
If you have a sibling-have them share the task.  Unfortunately, my sister does not come up but, once in a while, so that leaves little time for me period. 
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
 
 
 
 
 

(in reply to DommeLaura)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/4/2006 9:03:04 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I think the advice given so far has been wonderful. Indeed, find a local organization that can help out. There are home health aides, hospice, respite, many different avenues.

I also wanted to say (and I hope this doesn't come across offensive, as that is definitely not my intent!)...
Maybe instead of looking for this "mistress/slave" bond, you could just look for a friend?
Maybe a friend who also happens to be a submissive.
You could chit-chat and get to know ech other a bit online, but sans the cyber collar. Maybe up it to a few lunch dates. Maybe get together once a week. Then in time, as trust is developed and a friendship is formed, you might feel comfortable allowing that person to come over to your home.
I don't have an elderly parent to care for, but I have a similar living situation in that my son still lives at home. I wouldn't want to drag a total stranger in around him. But I did take the time to exchange a few emails with a submissive. Then a few phone calls. Then a few meetings at the park. Over time I got to know him well enough that I trusted him to come in my home and around my son. And over time, my son got to know him as well. He's now not only a subbie boy, but a friend of the family. I would trust him to be alone with my son because the friendship was developed long before the D/s.
Maybe instead of looking for a slave, you might start in just looking for a friend.

All the D/s aside though. It is important to take care of *you*. Get that time away. Even if you can't leave the home, try to set aside time to relax in the tub. (Hook up a baby monitor if need be). Paint your toenails. Being a full-time care-giver is exhausting. Kudos to you for taking care of your father.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to DommeLaura)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/4/2006 10:28:45 AM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
Real life can sure get in the way of the lifestyle. You are in a very difficult situation but sometimes you just have to weather the storm. Life can take unexpected turns at any time. Be patient, don't compromise who and what you are. Just let life happen and in time the answers will fall in your lap. There is no need to force something that is not who you are.

I really believe that crap, yes I do and in a sense I can relate to you.

My situation is nowhere near as restricting as yours. I have young ones who live with my ex. To try and be as kind as I can, she has difficulty managing her life. I could not forcibly attempt to take the children from her, I just couldn't. I do more than my share to help prop her up and keep her going, for my young ones sake. This situation does impede me on my quest for D/s fulfillment. But I just go with the flow and in the meantime I will enjoy what I have, continue to learn and explore this lifestyle, and above all see my young ones through.

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/4/2006 1:47:50 PM   
DommeLaura


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate having some perspective because I don't have much right now. Sort of overwhelmed by everything. I am not in a large city and there is not much of a population to draw from. In some bizarre way I feel my experience with my adult baby prepared me for this. Not to get metaphysical, but sometimes you have to wonder what your life track is meant to be. The rest of my life in no way prepared me for this. My brothers are scattered around the globe and unable to participate other than financially. I will investigate other avenues for support suggested here. I am 36 and not ready to hang up my whip.

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/5/2006 7:01:21 AM   
lkehoeluckekeh


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline 		Hello superior Domme Laura, I am a  very submissive inferior male .  I live in Ireland.  I have read your story and feel empathy with your situation.  I will willingly serve you in an online capacity if that is what you wish.  I have twelve months previous experience serving similar superior ladies to yourself in this capacity so have an idea of what it is about.  I will always be inferior to you and never question your authority over me.  You will have absolute and unrestricted power control and authority over me should you so wish.  I believe in the absolute supremacy of all women over all males without restriction if the lady decrees so.  You may treat me with the level of respect you would normally treat a dog or even with a lesser level of respect should you so desire, of course you can treat me decently but that is your prerogative not mine. You will have total control in any dealing I may have with you should you decide to accept me as your online slave, of course this extends to rejecting my application and should you decide to do this I will totally respect your decision and not bother you further. I will do any assignments, work assignments or punishment and menial written tasks or any other work assignments you wish to assign me, you will have total power and control without restriction or as you desire. Leaving it up to your superior judgment.
your possible online slave in waiting
kevin stacey

(in reply to DommeLaura)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/5/2006 8:00:39 AM   
LadyLupine


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		DommeLaura:  this is actually becoming quite common, caring for an elderly parent. Check with the County where you live. Many have off site satellite facilities called Adult Day Health Care. They arrange transportation to and from the house and for a number of hours, usually typical work hours, engage the client in activities such as painting, gardening, etc..whatever they enjoyed or what they are capable of doing now, depending on how far the disease has progressed. Good luck, and remember...respite for the caregiver (you)  is just as important as the care you are providing to your father.




< Message edited by LadyLupine -- 5/5/2006 8:03:50 AM >

(in reply to lkehoeluckekeh)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/11/2006 2:00:49 PM   
HayaSierra


Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lkehoeluckekeh

Hello superior Domme Laura, I am a  very submissive inferior male .  I live in Ireland.  I have read your story and feel empathy with your situation.  I will willingly serve you in an online capacity if that is what you wish.  I have twelve months previous experience serving similar superior ladies to yourself in this capacity so have an idea of what it is about.  I will always be inferior to you and never question your authority over me.  You will have absolute and unrestricted power control and authority over me should you so wish.  I believe in the absolute supremacy of all women over all males without restriction if the lady decrees so.  You may treat me with the level of respect you would normally treat a dog or even with a lesser level of respect should you so desire, of course you can treat me decently but that is your prerogative not mine. You will have total control in any dealing I may have with you should you decide to accept me as your online slave, of course this extends to rejecting my application and should you decide to do this I will totally respect your decision and not bother you further. I will do any assignments, work assignments or punishment and menial written tasks or any other work assignments you wish to assign me, you will have total power and control without restriction or as you desire. Leaving it up to your superior judgment.
your possible online slave in waiting
kevin stacey


I am thoroughly disspointed at seeing this. Since it is obvious that you are offering your services up to another Domme freely while training with me that you are no longer interested in the training I provide nor in serving me. you cannot give two people control over your affairs and you cannot divide your attentions towards two services. So since you have made your choice, I will honor it. I hope you find what you are looking for.



_____________________________

Haya Sierra
Haya Of Ka Azdor Estate --
http://groups.msn.com/Domsub/
Basic Information about the Hanian System of D/s

(in reply to lkehoeluckekeh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/12/2006 10:08:22 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with the searching for a friend. All relationships should start on a foundation of friendship and getting to know eachother. Believe me I understand the being stuck at home... ( read my journals and profile lol it'll fill you in ) which is why thats what I'm doing. I've met a lot of wonderful people on here so far and its been awesome. I know it doesnt take the place of having someone to call your own or sharing a relationship connection but it will give you something to look forward to and give you someone to talk with that is willing to be there for you when you need them. If you do meet someone and feel that there might be something there that you wish to explore, cross that bridge when it comes. Untill that point there area LOT of really good people on here that are usually more than willing to help occupy some of your free time *grins*. Just dont let anyone try to push you for something you dont want its only going to make things harder for you. Set your limits to friendship only for now and enjoy having other peoples company.
 
You may want to check into private care duty aids for your father as well, you'll be able to screen them yourself and with some luck find one that you feel you can trust. You may also want to check into the home health aids as well because more often than not medicare will cover the expenses for inhome daily visits. That will give you free time to be home with someone else there to help out. Just cause someone comes into your home doesnt mean you have to leave them alone with your father, but it would give you the time you need to be able to relax and not have to worry as much and so you get the much needed you time to keep you from going bonkers.
 
I have a mentally ill parent and I know that its hard to turn their care over to someone else but I also learned the hard way that I'm not super woman and I cant take care of everything on my own. You have a life and you need to have a life of your own that doesnt include being care taker, you have to be able to find time just for you, be it at home or not otherwise you'll end up burnt out and resentfull and thats not a good thing.
 
Good luck with everything,
 
~RS~

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 5/12/2006 10:09:08 PM >

(in reply to HayaSierra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/13/2006 6:53:47 AM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		is it not possible to acquire a sub/slave/companion that can be your assistant with things like the groceries, housecleaning, or care of your father by day and you session one on one with in home after your father is in bed?  kind of like....a personal almost 24/7 type deal.  perhaps if dad saw the same person over and over again he would become used to them and see them as someone he could trust.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Needing some advice - Long - 5/13/2006 9:31:43 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxGoddess

is it not possible to acquire a sub/slave/companion that can be your assistant with things like the groceries, housecleaning, or care of your father by day and you session one on one with in home after your father is in bed? kind of like....a personal almost 24/7 type deal. perhaps if dad saw the same person over and over again he would become used to them and see them as someone he could trust.


I think this is a great suggestion.

Why does Ds have to be whips and chains and in your father's face in an obvious way.

Probably very rare but you might also find a slave who has a background in medical or social training. Could be handy for your father too.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to OnyxGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 12
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