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KeepMeUnderneath -> RE: When you hate your mistress. (2/12/2011 4:36:29 PM)
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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
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ORIGINAL: KeepMeUnderneath
If her purpose is to emasculate me, then no thats not what I want.
What I want is as you said. I am the "knight in shining armour" kind of guy. I was raised on, Superman and super heroes and the knights and all that and thats who I aspire to be. A man of action who can protect my mistress or princess or whatever she deems to call herself. I was also raised on the 3 stooges, so I want to be a man who can make her laugh. However, these are not, sissy men. In BDSM porn, the men are not sissy men. They are porn stars paid to get their dicks out and take a beating. The reason I get the impression these so called 'true subs' are a bunch of pussies is because that's what a lot proudly present themselves as. As if it's cool to be worthless. Now, I'm new to this, so, I can't say what's 'real' and what's not, but, if that's being a sub, then count me out.
I know what I want. I want the opposite of what I came from. I want a women. A womenly, women. A powerful women who can inspire me to be the best man I can be. She doesn't need to be a bitch with a whip to be that. But she has to have real power. Not be an attention whore looking for someone to love her because she never put in the effort to be the best she can be. This place, is a gold mine for desperate women because all they need to do is 'act' tough. Thats what I came from. A women who 'acted' tough. Oh and of course many many orgasms. Can't forget that [;)] just kidding.
For the love of mike...........
OP, do yourself, Me, and everybody else on the forums a favor and stop watching porn to draw your conclusions from. You don't open up your front door and think you're going to see Middle Earth out there just because you saw in in movies, do you? In porn, the pizza delivery guy always gets his tip as being the center of a hot threesome when he delivers the food to a couple of co-eds. If that was true, nobody's pizza would ever be late. You'd see delivery guys fighting each other over who got to go first and they'd be driving ninety miles an hour to get there.
Your later post says that you can't get involved in your local community. Yet your prior posts say that you just got out of a five year relationship with a Dominant woman. Let Me guess. You're a highly paid government official who can't possibly be seen having dinner in a restaurant, yadda, yadda, yadda.
If you don't know fact from fiction, why don't you try reading some non fiction? Why not try talking to people who actually have this as a part of their lives? There are a number of submissive men who are in long term dynamics roaming around this place and I can't recall any of them ever using the word pussy to describe themselves and the Dominant women who have collared them don't use that term for them, either. (Man, do I ever miss DarchChylde around these boards when this crap comes up!)
As to whether clip has actually hated Me, I think he might be the better person to answer that. Have there been times that he hasn't liked things? Sure. However, that's a lot different than hating a person.
My conclusions aren't drawn from porn. They are drawn from observations from places like this. I know the difference between reality and fantasy. I know that porn stars are paid to act like scared little sissy men.
I did just get out of a 5 year relationship and yes I can't get involved locally. But you are wrong about who and what I am. Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. As for reading non fiction, well, they bore me. It's too easy to write a story that has allready been told. They have their value, but, I'm too busy living my own biography at the momment.
As for words like 'pussy' and 'hate' which you all seem to be so afraid of. What are you 10 years old? They are words. People use strong words to describe strong feelings but really. I think anyone using this webpage has to be mature enough to not shy away from words of all things. "Oh hate is such a strong word, maybe use the word 'dislike.'," Now whose living in fantasy land? What, are we all cowering from a word in a hope that if we ignore it it goes away? Wake up, people hate stuff. I hate when I get given shit jobs to do at my work. I hate waking up early. There's a lot of things I 'HATE', I don't dislike them, I 'HATE' them. I still put up with them because if I don't it may mean I have to lose something I like. For example, I hate doing the shit jobs but if I don't I lose my job and if I lose my job I don't have any income to live off, and I kinda like living.
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Wow i don't know if you used hate as a drama effect or if its a literal expression of how you feel. If its the former, okay fine, sometimes i got irritated with my former Master and at times i wanted to smack him upside is aggravating head, yes at times he made me anger and annoyed me. But HATE him, umm no, even to this day i don't hate him.
To me, if it was a literal use then i would say its time to move on down the road. Seriously, life is too short to hate ANYONE much less someone you are in a relationship with.
Good luck to you, but it sounds like you really need to review your situation and decide whether or not its still right for you.
angel
I don't hate anyone. Not even the women I just left. Like I said I hate waking up early and silly things like that, but, I'm not stupid enough to devote so much time to hating something or someone that it effects my life. I just move on peacefully and enjoy the next part of my life. You are correct, life is too short to hate, but theres always going to be an element of it in everyones life to a certain degree. Its how we manage it.
This thread was merely a hyperthetical question because I'm trying to understand the dynamics of what a submissive should be. Ok next person now [:D] (Thank you for your input. I appreciate it)
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When you've participated on the message boards long enough (or do some digging in the archives), you'll discover a lot of the dominant women who post on a regular basis are also looking for this and have zero interest in the "worthless worm" archetype that seems to be so popular. The trick is finding a woman who wants the same things you want and developing a relationship with her based on your shared values/goals/etc.
The key word here is "relationship"; a kinky relationship is still a relationship so treat it like one. If you find someone you respect and who respects you in return, then you don't need to worry about hypothetical scenarios like the one you've concocted. For that matter, you might want to stop dreaming up hypothetical experiences and try getting some real ones with people who actively live their dynamics. If you don't have much of a local kink community, find one within an hour or two drive time. Go to a munch, a demo, or some other low-key event. Talk to people, observe interactions, and network. It's much easier to find a partner offline than on the internet.
I understand there are women out there who want this. I'm here so maybe one day one can find me. As for interacting with people who live these dynamics. I can't get involved locally. One or two hours drive away for a munch won't make a difference for me. For me to get involved I have to know people who are into this on deep level first before I can interact physically with them. It's a trust factor. And it pisses me off because I see so much of "No pic no reply", thing is, I can't show these women a picture right away or meet them. Not with out knowing they can keep my identity a secret.. . I'm Batman [;)] No but, just I can't put a photo up or meet locals or anything like that for my reasons, which is why I come here to talk to people with life experience. Next in line please [:D]
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Hate is too strong a word for me, but I have been in a situation where the person I'm serving annoyed the crap out of me on a fairly consistent basis.
From what I understand of the rest of your posts, the reason why was very similar to the reason why you are imagining yourself getting annoyed.
For me, I got very frustrated, resentful and annoyed when I felt like I was the one who had to dominate myself and when I was forced to pretend like I was feeling submissive, and forced to pretend like the person ordering me around was actually acting dominant when neither was the case.
It ended up being a situation where I was basically guilted into service, without actually feeling like I was serving, but instead, feeling like I was being taken advantage off.
The guilting me into service happened because the relationship was kinda set up in a "you claim to be slave, therefore, you should behave like XYZ, so there, act like XYZ, and if you don't, I'm just going to whine about you not really acting like a slave".
I entered the relationship expecting to actually be dominated in a sense of "I'm going to set expectations for you, and if you don't live up to those expectations, we are going to respond in this XYZ fashion to that".
That never ended up happening, and instead, I just got blamed for not acting slavelike enough, when none of the guidance I was expecting (and which was why I wanted to be a slave to begin with... you know, my end of the deal so to speak) was ever offered.
So yeah, I ended up resentful, annoyed, rebellious and angry because I felt like I was expected to be the perfect slave without getting any sort of personal gratification out of the relationship.
I ended up feeling used.
In the end, I woke up and I simple realized that there is no point in wasting your time in relationship that don't make you happy, whether you're a slave or not, so we broke up.
We where making each other miserable, so no sense in staying together.
So I understand where this "flash" of yours came from, but I'm going to have to advice you that if you'd be experiencing this in an actual relationship, it's very much a sign that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship, because in mutually satisfactory D/s relationships, feelings like that should be scares or none-existing.
You understand my prior situation exactly. Except it wasn't a slave/ mistress relationship for me, it was just a boyfriend/ girlfriend one. I was expected to act like the perfect boyfriend and be guilted into it whilst she behaved like the worst girlfriend ever but it was ok for her because she was the girl and I was the man and I'm supposed to be the perfect boyfriend and all accepting and all that crap. And I was, for 5 years. It made me sad when after we broke up a relative of hers contacted me saying "Thank you for staying with her as long as you did", and so, yes you're right. That's why it would annoy me to do that. Because I am coming from a place of zero appreciation and it has turned me into someone whom, won't submit. I couldn't just mop a floor for a domme because she wanted a clean floor because if she was going to be like that and then go on to play games of denial and so forth to further infuriate me just for the fun of it, well, I don't know if I could deal with that, but that's where the fundimental question of this conversation lies.
Is feeling that frustration part of being submissive? If she is enjoying watching you get frustrated at her denials, and you are supposed to worship her, then theoretically wouldn't watching her be happy at your misfortune make you happy? Therefore, how can you be frustrated if you are happy? It's such a twisty, turney road with no correct answer. However other peoples insights into these situations can help me develop my own because they offer different perspectives. Sometimes you need to look from the other pair of stilletto's to understand enough to make up your own mind. Thank you for your input also. It was very helpful.
AND FINALLY!!!
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i mean, don't you clean your own house now? don't you do your own laundry and cook your own food? if those activities challenge your idea of masculinity then maybe you can spend some time reflecting on what masculinity really is to you. are you trying to get away from your upbringing, or is it really a deeply held belief and idea of yourself that you are afraid to lose?
Those ideas don't challenge my idea of masculinity at all. I cook, I clean, I do all that. I'd love to cook a meal for a women and watch her enjoy every bite of it. I wouldn't even mind mopping the floor for her. I don't cry over spilled milk. It's not the actions involved. In this scenario the mopping of the floor is simply a metaphore for servitude. It doesn't resemble, house work as house work. It's about, being emasculated in the sense that, here is this women making you mop a floor, for no reason or, for a silly reason. When, in a vanilla relationship it wouldn't happen. Or, if a floor was dirty, she'd say "honey can you clean the floor, it's dirty" and you would say "yeah no worries", and it might be a nuissance to clean it, but you're not going to get all pissy about it. You would just, clean it because it needs to be cleaned. You then might say to her "hey honey can you do the dishes" and she does them, and so on and so on. It wasn't so much the mopping up that worried me, it was the reasoning behind it. There was this, attitude towards it that, you've been made to mop the floor just because this women wants to be a bitch, she knows she can make you do anything she wants so she has made you clean the floor even though it is clean. You are pissed off that you have to clean it because you can see it is allready clean, you are wasting time, but she is enjoying that you are pissed off. ('You' being, general, not personal). Thats why, my question is kind of, what do you do in that situation?
Is it ok to be angry in that situation and think "Well, screw this bitch, she's just using me to get her crap done", and would people generally up and leave, or is that what being submissive is supposed to be all about? As I've said, I'm new to this world, I have no physical contact with it at the present so I have to ask and learn from others perspectives.
If anyone reads all of that, wow!
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