RE: breakable bits

RE: breakable bits (Full Version)

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agirl -> RE: breakable bits (2/13/2011 8:33:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: osf what is it about you that makes you seek a dominant, what is it he can fulfill in you that you cant yourself? as with anyone wishing for a relationship - having someone there to share youre life with. its no different here than anywhere else its just that here people assume so many things about submissives. that they need leadership to function, that they need to be tied up and beaten to feel normal. i think thats youre inferrance isnt it? - and yes those things factor in, theyre just not the engine that drives me anymore. as ive said somewhere else, ive come right around to when i started in some ways. the BDSM became a distraction for a while as was the dominance. i was titilated by these things and set forth to find those things without really working on factoring in compatibility. ive learnt the error of my ways. but it was fun... [:D] (mostly) what does that poem say, in precis - the journey is the most important part if we are ever to reach our desired destination. I don't think so much in the what, the why interests me more If I can understand the why she wants, I can better judge weather I can get the what I want and it is different here imo, just sharing can be done with most anyone with some similar interests for interest say collecting old beer cans i keep hearing about the many faceted motivations but i still think there is deep down that one thing that starts it all in motion, that primal need and it's not even a fully formed thought and it may not be immediately apparent in the other person I agree. The WHY of me choosing an M/s relationship despite not being submissive and not having that desire to serve, please etc, was VITALLY important for M to have known...especially if he was looking for the things that I didn't possess. I thought it was a very valid question that you asked. It was certainly one M had to know the answer to. Even though I DO have to serve and do things that aren't a particular drive for me, it's UNDERSTOOD that that's the case. I'm not expected to be terribly thrilled about it, but I AM expected to either accept it or get me gone. ( Yes, the submit or go) I also wasn't looking for someone to share my life with, as such. He provided authority, control and discipline ....in a way that left me completely intact. That's the top and bottom of it, for me.That left a lot of scope for him as he wasn't exactly looking for anyone, and he wasn't interested in the serving, pleasing type. agirl

porcelaine -> RE: breakable bits (2/13/2011 8:39:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 i see where youre coming from. but believe me he isnt my master and there is no confusion on that one at all. maybe in the earlier years he had far too much control still because his methods of control had kept me subdued for so long i was conditioned to accept things because i couldnt change them. leaving was physical but not immediately mental, that process has taken time, but im very definitely there now Greetings lally, I knew you'd understand my slant and I avoided going into detail given your desire to minimize further exposure. As long as you're consciously aware of his role and recognize authority in all its guises I'm not concerned. Keep all your stray bits from him and make certain your deserving partner gets every iota. quote: i certainly have and thanks to everyone for clearing the path for me to see things more clearly. happy's post really made me think things through, as have youres. in the process of writing my responses it might seem i had the answers right there, i didnt, theyve evolved with this thread as ive taken a look at what everyone has said and thought them through. i have come to the right conclusion thank you xx I've always felt that real friends believe when we cannot or will not do the same. I echoed those words with sincerity and knew you'd find your way. I think a really good purge is in order. Remnants have an uncanny habit of attracting the wrong energies. You'll feel heaps better when you've flushed and taken in a few cleansing breaths afterward. xx Namaste, ~porcelaine

KnightofMists -> RE: breakable bits (2/13/2011 10:00:23 AM)
quote: Getting the dominance/control/leadership you wish for is as much your responsibility as the doms. agirl[/size][/font] NOW this is refreshing to read!!!!! But, I do believe that lally has a point that "Comprehension"... or as I like to think of it "Awareness" is indeed a factor for a Dominant personality to make constructive and healthy choices for the submissive partner(s). I would also say that this comprehension or awareness is also important for the submissive as well. To many people stumble into these types of relationships and don't seem to know what is going on and well often alot of miss steps can occur before one learns. However, I do think that if the fundamentals of character, values and ethics are there... a lack of knowledged can be over come until such awareness is gained by those involved in the relationship.

oceanwynds2 -> RE: breakable bits (2/13/2011 10:01:25 AM)
Greetings lally It is another slant on things, but perhaps you had originally submitted to an ideal regarding son and his father, more so than submitting to the 'father'. If this is the case, sometimes we need to redefine the ideal and set it right for us again. In submitting to an ideal, we need to go within to find our okay with our own strength to endure, verses the dominant factor telling us they appreciate what we are doing. Submitting to an ideal if looked through our everyday eyes can leave us feeling empty, instead we need to keep our eye/focus on the objective.

KnightofMists -> RE: breakable bits (2/13/2011 10:09:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds2 Greetings lally It is another slant on things, but perhaps you had originally submitted to an ideal regarding son and his father, more so than submitting to the 'father'. If this is the case, sometimes we need to redefine the ideal and set it right for us again. In submitting to an ideal, we need to go within to find our okay with our own strength to endure, verses the dominant factor telling us they appreciate what we are doing. Submitting to an ideal if looked through our everyday eyes can leave us feeling empty, instead we need to keep our eye/focus on the objective. great point... submitting or accepting a situation is a much different concept than submitting to an individual. As long as a given situation remains status quo (which includes one's perceptive of the given situaiton) they will continue to accept or submit to said situation. However, submiting to an individual is much more fluid and ever changing than a status quo situation. yes there are fundamentals involved that don't change... but yet there is so much that do change.

leadership527 -> RE: breakable bits (2/13/2011 10:31:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl *You appear to be saying that you are forced* to be a submissive to your ex for your son's sake, when in fact you're just tolerating and allowing a situation that you don't want, for your son's sake.** I agree. I'm not a huge believer in the "submissive always has a choice" line of reasoning, but in this case I'm going with it.

lally2 -> RE: breakable bits (2/14/2011 1:44:29 AM)
well, it kinda goes deeper than that..., something i have to get a handle on really. just a small for instance. his dad stayed over last night, on the sofa - i always make him tea in the morning in his favourite mug - i didnt bother to put it in his favourite mug, i just put it into any old mug. instead of sticking around to talk to him, i had a bath and he left without shouting out goodbye. but he has put my keys in the dish he bought me to keep me from losing them. little things that now make me feel sad and im not sure why. i have to make this stand and make him see that im not here for him like i have been. theres more to this really. and its a bit sad.

lally2 -> RE: breakable bits (2/14/2011 5:27:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 KoM) Dominance in of itself has nothing to do with the submissives heart. However, "Ethical" Dominance will take great consideration to the heart of the submissive! It is the Manner or Character of the person that decides what will be involve in their own individuals expression of dominance... and not Dominance itself ah! [:D] - please explain to me why Dominance in of itself has nothing to do with the submissives heart. im not even going to try and guess, but i find that sentance very refreshing actually, not sure why:) i do want to understand this..., I suppose this boils down to how I define the word. I bring it down to a very basic concept. For me Dominance is nothing but the act of Dominanting and Influencing the will of others to your own. However, this doesn't state the "HOW" or the "WHY" it's done. The how it's done is often a reflection of a person's character. I believe the character of the person is often the KEY that enables one to unlock the submission of another. The values and ethics of the person is also going to affect the "WHY" or to what ends one is attempting to Dominant and influence another. Are they doing it for their own selfish ends that has little consideration for the feelings and thoughts of the other person... or to do they have more altrustic motivations. so we are really talking about the bond that develops between a Dominant and their submissive that is enabled through the how and the why. dominance, the action, needs no emotional input at all, yes i realise that. which is interesting - comparing again the experiences ive had when love, or lets call it affection have occurred through the bond of Ms or Ds and the bond between two people where the why and the how of control has been destructive. what you later say about the comprehension of what is going on and why and how, being the key. without comprehension the 'why' and the 'how' fails to create a strong enough bond. hm! - its simple really, now i can look at it that way.

porcelaine -> RE: breakable bits (2/14/2011 9:22:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Also, not loving a sub doesn't mean they're not respected and appreciated for what they provide. I think it's a realistic situation and not at all dodgy....just as plenty of guys can provide control and various other things, for a girl ,without loving her. In fact, it's a far more prevalent situation than the LT M/s relationships. Greetings, I think it's really hard for people to wrap their mind around this because many are desiring the love story but never contemplate the possibility of being happy outside of the image they're carting around. I can't say it's an easy truth to swallow but it does offer a different perspective if you're willing to see things from that vantage point. quote: *When it comes to breaking hearts, I have to be honest, if the right* thing means breaking my heart then it should be broken.** I really wish I could respond to this. I've erased my comments several times. I agree with your sentiments but I'm having a difficult time articulating my own. Namaste, ~porcelaine

DesFIP -> RE: breakable bits (2/14/2011 9:59:00 AM)
Lally, why not talk to him. Say that when you set up the situation that he could show up unannounced and waltz right in, that it was right for then. But now that your son is older, this isn't necessary. That you are willing for him to spend the night but you need him to call first so as not to disrupt your plans, or your son's. Kids get older, they have after school activities, plans with friends, sleepovers and don't want to have to drop everything because he's decided to show up without warning. And now that your son is older, you have plans also. You don't want to come in from seeing a movie with a friend and find him there unexpected. That you've changed the locks and won't be giving him a key, and that you want him to call a day ahead so you can plan your day better and tell him if it is or isn't going to work. This is better for you and also better for your son to know when he can plan on seeing a movie with friends and when he can't. And that your son needs that courtesy and ability to structure his life as much as you do and that your ex does. Because the way it is now, the only person who gets to plan things without disruption is your ex and this isn't fair to you or to your son. If he wants his son to grow up able to commit to people, and have the ability to structure his life so that it works, your son needs to be able to learn those skills now. So he gets to be the one to say to his father Wednesday isn't any good, but Thursday is. That it is wrong for a parent to prevent a child from learning these skills and you are sure he doesn't want to prevent his son from learning this. If however he still feels he should be able to walk in without warning and expect his son to cancel plans, then he's teaching his son to allow others to ride roughshod over him, to not bother trying to make plans and keep his word because it's useless. And nobody wants to raise a kid who can't say no to peer pressure, who makes promises he can't keep. And that's where you are not.

MJasKunt -> RE: breakable bits (2/14/2011 7:27:27 PM)
I am new to this lifestyle i met a master 2yrs ago i unfortunatley wasnt ready for this lifestyle however it did turn me on I believe for the last month master has been given me very direct instruction on my body and he plays with my head by planeting jeaulous endendos just slightly enought for me being a parnoid person.I do want this life style and i have enjoyed for far my experience but i am emotional is this posible i was so up set because he stood me up again with no call or response and i try to make him happy in submitting to what ever he wants me to do things ive never ever ever done with anyone i was in a vanilla relationship for 9 yrs and then again for 4 yrs. Master just does these disapearing acts and if i wanted to i could find more out about him but i want to be able to trust him he is my master i do like him alot

dreamerdreaming -> RE: breakable bits (2/14/2011 7:40:55 PM)
MJasKunt: your master has the profile of a player, and is actively looking for other partners, particularly girls with big breasts. If you didn't sign on for this, dump him. He's just not that into you.

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