Just been for a day out with my dad

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a1111 -> Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:03:45 PM)
Ive been seeing a therapist recently for anxiety/panic attacks/depression, anyway he pointed out to me that he thinks my parents might be over controlling and to let him know ifg i have any anxietuy attacks when i am near them. ANyway, we were out and i felt good to be out, my dad got a bit worked up over something and i felt like a anxiety attack after that, its took me till now about 4 hours later to calm down, i do feel hes controlling over me but i cant quite work it out or sort it out, just wondered if anyone on here might be able to help? thanks

TotalDiscipline -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:13:33 PM)
what does the therapist say?

a1111 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:14:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TotalDiscipline what does the therapist say? says its mostly because of him that i got anxiety attacks etc, but it just screws my head up thinkin about it, i cant worjk it out

a1111 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:16:19 PM)
Like he could say just say something and it would totally fuck my head and leave me in bits, not sure if he does it on purpose or not? I know off here people get a kick out of power, i cant help wondering if this is what hes doing, my mums pretty much the same really but abit more subtle.

LadyPact -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:29:47 PM)
Just curious as to what part of this is about general BDSM discussion. Am I missing something?

TotalDiscipline -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:32:29 PM)
the dominant dad part lol

ResidentSadist -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 12:33:20 PM)
nvm

a1111 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 2:00:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Just curious as to what part of this is about general BDSM discussion. Am I missing something? About people who get kicks out of weaking others, people like yourself really.

DesFIP -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 2:12:59 PM)
Actually ethical sadists don't get off making others less competent. What was your grandfather like? Did he treat your father as incompetent? Does anyone in your family history also have an anxiety disorder or depression? Many times, these are genetic illnesses. If you've always had a tendency to have anxiety attacks, then your father may have started being overcontrolling believing that in this way he could protect you. Have you ever told your father that you're 28 and more than capable of deciding for yourself when you need a sweater, when you need to stop and eat? Reminded him that he doesn't need to do this for you anymore since you're fully grown up? If so, what is his response?

a1111 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 2:18:58 PM)
yeah he used to get beaten badly off his dad. if i talk to him he will lose the plot, no matter how polite i am about it and hell get upset and tell others than ive losign my temper at him which makes me look bad

LadyPact -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 2:23:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 About people who get kicks out of weaking others, people like yourself really. That would make Me a pretty good Dominant, wouldn't it? The ability to weaken others via the internet. I didn't know if I had missed a prior post that said something about your father being in the lifestyle or perhaps it was in some way related to bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism. I thought maybe there was some kind of link that I had missed. Guess I just missed the fact that it was something as obvious as just being posted in the wrong section. I'm off to control others through the newly found power that I've acquired. Mawhahahaha.

hlen5 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 2:33:32 PM)
I see the thread got moved to where it belongs. Can I suggest a book to you? People of the Lie - Steven Covey( He also wrote The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People). If one of the main feelings you have after spending time with your parents is confusion, what the book has to say might be useful to you. Lady Pact's question wasn't meant to shoot you down. It was a legitimate question. If you had started the thread in the Off-Topic Discussion section, the responses you would have gotten would have felt more positive to you. I hope you can figure out the boundaries you need to set with your parents in order to not feel bad after you see them. Good Luck!

a1111 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 2:57:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 About people who get kicks out of weaking others, people like yourself really. That would make Me a pretty good Dominant, wouldn't it? The ability to weaken others via the internet. I didn't know if I had missed a prior post that said something about your father being in the lifestyle or perhaps it was in some way related to bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism. I thought maybe there was some kind of link that I had missed. Guess I just missed the fact that it was something as obvious as just being posted in the wrong section. I'm off to control others through the newly found power that I've acquired. Mawhahahaha. Like i said last time, this sites all about control just because i didnt get an erection wjhilst doing it doesnt mean its not related, dunno what your on about to be honest quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 I see the thread got moved to where it belongs. Can I suggest a book to you? People of the Lie - Steven Covey( He also wrote The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People). If one of the main feelings you have after spending time with your parents is confusion, what the book has to say might be useful to you. Lady Pact's question wasn't meant to shoot you down. It was a legitimate question. If you had started the thread in the Off-Topic Discussion section, the responses you would have gotten would have felt more positive to you. I hope you can figure out the boundaries you need to set with your parents in order to not feel bad after you see them. Good Luck! I'll give it a go, i just find there impossible people to have boundaries with, its like they won't allow it.

hlen5 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 3:09:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 ....I'll give it a go, i just find there impossible people to have boundaries with, its like they won't allow it. It's up to YOU to set the boundary. If they cross it, it is up to you to follow through on the limits that you set. I know it's very hard to get started, but you do have that power. Assert yourself and each time it will get easier, honest!!

a1111 -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 3:54:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 ....I'll give it a go, i just find there impossible people to have boundaries with, its like they won't allow it. It's up to YOU to set the boundary. If they cross it, it is up to you to follow through on the limits that you set. I know it's very hard to get started, but you do have that power. Assert yourself and each time it will get easier, honest!! im not saying your wrong but i honestly dont find it possible, like i said to my therpaist when he whinges or snaps i feel drained of energy so they said create boundaries by saying something lik, when you do that ui feel uncomfortable, but that just causes a load of violence when i say that, i told my therpiast that and he said im not taking ti serious so refueed to treat me anymore, its confusing for me

littlewonder -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 4:08:52 PM)
why would anyone here bother giving you advice when you won't even take the advice of your therapist???? Seriously, listen to your therapist.

angelikaJ -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 4:12:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 ....I'll give it a go, i just find there impossible people to have boundaries with, its like they won't allow it. It's up to YOU to set the boundary. If they cross it, it is up to you to follow through on the limits that you set. I know it's very hard to get started, but you do have that power. Assert yourself and each time it will get easier, honest!! im not saying your wrong but i honestly dont find it possible, like i said to my therpaist when he whinges or snaps i feel drained of energy so they said create boundaries by saying something lik, when you do that ui feel uncomfortable, but that just causes a load of violence when i say that, i told my therpiast that and he said im not taking ti serious so refueed to treat me anymore, its confusing for me Your therapist saw an issue. I don't know how long ago the therapist brought the issue to your attention; did the therapist refuse to treat you just today? Being in a toxic environment is an important thing, but until you see it as a problem (first step) and then decide something needs to be done about it (second step) the therapist is likely to feel as if he is banging his head against a brick wall. Moving out would be one thing to work towards. Perhaps you could contact the therapist and see under what conditions he would be willing to see you again, and then the 2 of you could make a contract. In the meanwhile, two things: you can not change anyone, only yourself and your reactions... and journaling might be useful in giving you some insight: the specific things that cause your anxiety. Situations and behaviors of other people. There are probably identifiable patterns that you just aren't registering. Documenting your anxiety might help you to notice them.

LadyPact -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 4:39:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: a1111 Like i said last time, this sites all about control just because it didnt get an erection wjhilst doing it doesnt mean its not related, dunno what your on about to be honest It's not related unless you consider yourself in a consensual D/s dynamic with your father. You need to 1. Listen to your therapist. 2. Move out (you're 28 years old for crying out loud). 3. Grow a pair. 4. Learn the difference between BDSM and your little boy issues between you and your Dad.

angelikaJ -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 5:19:16 PM)
By your own admission, when you lived away from home you had a different personality. You were more outgoing and happier. Can you not see the connection between being in the dysfunctional environment of being home and with your parents and being anxious, depressed and repressed? You claim you don't understand what the therapist means and that it is "confusing". I don't think it really is as confusing as you are portraying. Sometimes the awful is very comfortable and it doesn't seem so bad. That does not change the reality of what it is. You had an objective opinion by a very smart outsider. You need to really look at why you are missing the connection.

DesFIP -> RE: Just been for a day out with my dad (2/14/2011 5:32:11 PM)
The way to set a boundary is to state it in exactly the same way each time, don't discuss it, don't debate it, don't paraphrase. Just state "I will not allow you to verbally abuse me/order me about any longer. When you wish to communicate properly I will be happy to see you". Then hang up the phone or walk away. Next time he starts up you repeat the same sentence exactly and you do the proper action. You have to repeat the sentence word for word or it won't work. He can't control you if you walk out. So if he starts telling you what to eat, you say this again and you walk out of the restaurant or the house. He does it on the phone, then you say that exact same sentence and you hang up. You walking out and hanging up is how you teach people to respect your boundaries. As long as you let him overstep them, he will. It is up to you to stop it by not submitting to it. As far as people here all want to make others weaker? There's a lot you're missing. First is that good dominants don't, if you break your toy you can't play with it again. Second is that good dominants don't want to walk around making the bus conductor and the clerk in the grocery store submit. They only want to dominate someone they enjoy dominating who enjoys their domination. It's like sex. When you want to have it with someone it's wonderful, when you don't it is rape. The activity is second to the person consenting to it.

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