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Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 5:39:17 PM

blkswitch

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another male fall in love with you and then make him do what he says he doesn't want to do (taking him out of his zone) thereby creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy?

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 5:43:32 PM

DarkSteven

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Um, you're asking this in Ask a Master. I suspect that you intended to post this in Ask a Mistress, and specifically about heterosexual female led relationships.

If so, you're asking two things:

1. Have you ever made a malesub do something he did not want to do? and
2. How did this affect him? Did it make him happier?

And why is it important that the sub be male?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 5:55:27 PM

littlewonder

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have I ever let a man fall in love with me.

I sincerely hope so!!

Do I make him do things he doesn't wanna do? I couldn't even if I tried or wanted to. LOL

Master takes me out of my comfort zone from time to time but it sure as hell doesn't make me more open minded or happier. It actually makes me feel less open minded and just stresses me out.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 6:44:14 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blkswitch

another male fall in love with you and then make him do what he says he doesn't want to do (taking him out of his zone) thereby creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy?

No. In my book, it's called cruel.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 6:49:48 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
No. In my book, it's called cruel.

This.

Love is the nuclear bomb of emotions. It's not something I trifle with.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 7:23:05 PM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

No. In my book, it's called cruel.

AGREED.

(the question is asked with a leading, self-affirming outcome; reality very rarely turns out that way.)

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 7:47:05 PM

NihilusZero

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I completely advocate the personal responsibility and autonomy of any adult when it comes to making decisions (this includes the consequences of neuro-biological drives that affect your scruples), however your equation:

quote:

"let [person] fall in love with you" + "taking him out of his zone" = "creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy"

is not always going to pan out as you've laid it out, and you have to risk the possibility of a negative result.

That said, I'm not sure I'd necessarily call it "cruel" any more than hitting on someone you know is on the rebound. Opportunistic? Probably. And different levels of opportunism will garner different moral appraisals.

If he's aware that there is a disparity between your emotional investment and his (ideally, I suppose, after you've made that clear) and still decides to remain, go for it.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 2/15/2011 7:48:31 PM >

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 9:04:45 PM

Jeffff

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For as long as I can remember I have discouraged men from falling in love with me.

I am much to fickle.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 9:06:38 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am much to fickle.

How much fickling would it take?

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I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 9:14:28 PM

Jeffff

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I have never out a pencil to it. I will have to get back to you.

I am sure it invokes a pretty hefty trust fund.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 9:22:10 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blkswitch

another male fall in love with you and then make him do what he says he doesn't want to do (taking him out of his zone) thereby creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy?

Eats shoots and leaves

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/15/2011 9:30:41 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: blkswitch

another male fall in love with you and then make him do what he says he doesn't want to do (taking him out of his zone) thereby creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy?

No. In my book, it's called cruel.

I dunno.

If it involves breaking hard limits or causing him harm, then I agree with you. If if involves pushing soft limits or making him develop in ways that are uncomfortable, then I would agree with the OP.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to IrishMist)

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/16/2011 7:47:29 AM

DesFIP

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Make him? Manipulate him and have it turn out well? No. The manipulation itself will never be forgiven and that precludes a happy ending.

Be honest, tell him what I'm interested in and allow him to consider it for as long as he needed? Yes.

I'm frightened of people whose default option is to lie. There's no way I can respect or love such a person. If I did fall in love with a persona and then discovered the truth, at that point the love and respect disappears and the relationship ends.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/16/2011 10:21:53 AM

LadyPact

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I can't help but wonder if the post wasn't misplaced and there may be something more that's being asked here. Is it possible that the question is being asked of straight male Dominants in allowing a male servant to fall in love with you and using that coercion as a manipulation tactic?

A very unethical premise, as far as I'm concerned. Still, the OP might be asking if there are any straight males out there to see if any would admit to it.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/17/2011 12:26:02 PM

DesFIP

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The op is asking if the end justifies the means. In my book, it doesn't.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/17/2011 12:30:22 PM

Lockit

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Since the op is a switch, maybe, just maybe, she wants someone to do that to her.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/19/2011 4:31:38 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: blkswitch

another male fall in love with you and then make him do what he says he doesn't want to do (taking him out of his zone) thereby creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy?

No. In my book, it's called cruel.

What they said. Neither Valyraen or I have made some poor guy a 'project' by having them love us and then making them do things they didn't want to. I have helped men who loved me and I loved them become more open-minded by showing them the things I was into but it was, in no way, something they weren't willing to explore with me.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/19/2011 4:58:44 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Is it possible that the question is being asked of straight male Dominants in allowing a male servant to fall in love with you and using that coercion as a manipulation tactic?

That's exactly how I read the question. I had a completely different reaction to it though, not so much based on gender but on how powerful love is when it's being experienced and lived. Getting to weild that sort of power won't really require any manipulation. It's power that's being given to you.. it's yours to do with as you will. That's a pretty heavy responsibility and certainly it could be abused, but damn near anything can be. You really can fall in love with the exact wrong person for you, one who will take advantage of you etc., but from the OP, I don't gather that is the motive she was thinking of when posting. The smiley face, the positive outcome of her idea points me in a different direction.. one in which power is something a lot of dominants strive to gain and if gained they are entitled to weild. If love is on the other side, so be it. Play the cards like they are dealt or don't ante up at all.

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/19/2011 1:34:28 PM

golemx

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Yeah, but then he got arrested in an airport bathroom...

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RE: Have you ever let..... - 2/26/2011 5:54:15 PM

StrongSpirit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blkswitch

another male fall in love with you and then make him do what he says he doesn't want to do (taking him out of his zone) thereby creating a more open minded individual who is much more free and happy?

Translation: Have you ever picked up someone, broke the law and raped them for real and were so amazingly good that the joy of your rape brainewashed them into liking it?

Answer: No.

A large part of BDSM is telling the difference between fantasies and reality. Many people can tell you that they had rape fantasies, but when it happened in reality, they hated it.

Learn to tell the difference between reality and fantasy - or someday you will learn the hard way.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 2/26/2011 5:55:58 PM >

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