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LaTigresse -> RE: Why a Mistress? (2/22/2011 3:41:23 AM)
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Snow Ranger I think you are touching on some issues that we often see, not only here, causing people confusion. You also clarified some unconcious things I had rolling around in my brain that brought out the Alan Alda, 70's feminist stuff.
My number one annoyance is when people either feel they cannot, or are told in some way, they cannot be really 'whatever it is' because they don't do/wear/fit some ideal that others have developed. Which tends to create a lot of inauthenticy and posturing. That was what always stood out to me in the feminist movement, stands out now in the lesbian community in Iowa City, and we see it here in written form.
I think the causes are varied. Sometimes cultural (something I mentioned in a thread began by a South American submissive male not long ago), sometimes just parental influence, sometimes garbage picked up from the media/movies/erotica, but most probably a combination package.
The really crappy thing is that, while those norms/ideals that are created can be a sexy hot trigger for fantasies, they are really destructive also. Destructive mentally/emotionally to those that don't fit but also relationships for those that are looking for that 'ideal' person.
Our forums are chock full of questions about people stressing that they, their sig other, their relationship.......does not fit some imagined ideal. They assume that someone really does.
I would rather be, and be with, a person that doesn't fit much of any of a stereotype, but is being their authentic self. Rather than constantly chase rainbows, reinventing themselves to try and fit the imagined pot of gold.
It's all rather sad, the restrictions we place on ourselves. How many men we see on here that are caught between their vision of a very masculine man and the desire to submit to a woman. Toss in all the discussions about forced femme/strapons/forced bi......etc etc etc when he sees hisown authentic self as more of a knight for a queen, and damn.......talk about scary and head messing. Then he gets upset and bashes the guys that like the stuff that squicks him out, saying they are not 'real men' and you've got nasty head trips for them also.
It is the same for women, dominant or submissive. How often we read here of women getting bashed "You are not a real twuuuuuuue Domme because you won't do......." When the reality is, that woman saying she wouldn't do xyz was the real dominant action of the whole interlude.
We all have been raised with some sort of gender expectation. I think when you mix in a power dynamic that doesn't necessarily fit that expectation, it tosses people's heads for a loop. The good thing is, like with most wrong stereotypes, the more it is discussed, the better the chance of opening people's minds.
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