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American Management Today... - 5/4/2006 11:46:27 AM

Mercnbeth

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A magazine ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-comic-strip-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes from the managers in corporate Amercian, circa 2004:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

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RE: American Management Today... - 5/5/2006 7:05:20 AM

siouxie

Posts: 1725
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Southwest UK
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unbelievable

_____________________________

[/end sarcasm]

My therapist says that would not be appropriate just now

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: American Management Today... - 5/5/2006 7:40:35 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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The worst part of this is that I could hear my boss saying these things as I read them.

I also have one to add:
As some of you know I work for one of the largest drugstore chains in the country, we have great benefits including medical, dental, profit sharing, stock options and discounts on our cell phones. But we don't have (wait for it.........) prescription drug coverage! You would think that working for one of the largest drugstores/pharmacies in the country would give you coverage on your prescriptions, but nope.

(in reply to siouxie)

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RE: American Management Today... - 5/5/2006 10:10:08 AM

cloudboy

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Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Stalin commissioned Dmitri Shostakovich to write the Russian national anthem. He then wrote it in a few nights and then stuck in his drawer for several months. Later he presented it to Stalin, claiming he had worked on it for months.

Shostakovich was a smart man.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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