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profile help - 2/20/2011 5:00:33 PM   
lilkoda


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline 		OK, I know this may not be really the right thing to do, but I need some opinions on my profile. Please if you can look at it and tell me what you think, because I have been here awhile and have not gotten to many responses. I am just wondering what I may be doing wrong.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: profile help - 2/20/2011 5:11:38 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Before I go look at your profile, have you read the FAQ?  There's a section dedicated to profile help in it.  I suggest you read that first and make appropriate changes.  Then come back for a critique to fine tune your profile.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: profile help - 2/20/2011 5:13:25 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		What is a collar of safety and what would you need it for? Personally, I would recommend deleting the whole thing and starting over. If I had read that, with any interest in your picture and where you lived and read that, I would have clicked off.

One, you need protection of some sort and that tends to be an online thing. Two, you say you are very oral. Three, you have a close relationship with another dominant that you were being protected by and that tends to get dramatic at some point, with most people. Advisers and friends that are dominant, I have no problem with. A dominant that is a former anything... that can be like the new dominant meeting the approval of the former dominant and that isn't something I am afraid of... but it sure is something I don't do. If two adults need a third to oversee something and that typically happens... I tend to let them be two adults and move on.

I do hope you are ready for what you are asking for. I don't mean to offend, but you wanted opinions and that is mine. That doesn't mean that will be everyone's opinion and I am sure there is someone that would think everything is fine. I am only speaking for myself.

Good luck...


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: profile help - 2/20/2011 5:27:52 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's not just the profile.  The problem is also with the picture.  In some cases, that collar on your neck is going to be interpreted as being collared to someone.  Just like most single women aren't going to hit on a guy who is wearing a ring on the third finger of his left hand, whether it really is a wedding band or not, they are going to think "married".  The collar on your neck in the picture says "collared sub in a D/s dynamic".  People see that before reading the words on your profile.

The profile itself didn't strike Me as that good.  If you are no longer under the protection or safety of another party, remove the reference.  It's like talking about your ex wife when you're getting interested in becoming involved with someone else.  Absolutely remove the stuff about how "oral" you are.  We Dominant women hear that every day and associate it with "somebody who wants to talk about sex before even saying hello".  It's not a big shock to us that males like sexual activities.  Welcome to the planet.

I'll tell you what I tell all males.  The numbers game on this site (ratio of sub males compared to Dominant women) is NOT in your favor.  You absolutely will have to be pro active in your search.  Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you will receive more first contacts than you make.  It just doesn't work that way.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: profile help - 2/20/2011 6:14:57 PM   
lilkoda


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline 		thank you all for your help and opinions, I did really think about making referance to other Dominants and the picture issue is one I would have never thought of but understand it.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: profile help - 2/20/2011 7:59:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have a few suggestions.

1. Smile. It makes you seem more fun to be with.

2. Dommes are generally tired of men who just want to play and aren't looking for a real relationship. If you're looking for a relationship, show it. Have a clothed main picture. One that projects an image would be great - wearing a tie at a desk, swinging a tennis racket, or dressed in a work shirt and jeans.

3. Show a woman what a relationship with you would be like. De-emphasise the kink. Tell her that you'd like to go camping with her, travel Europe with her, go to NASCAR races, etc.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 6:04:20 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		If you've been "in the lifestyle" for awhile.. why is it you're unclear about that collar... if I were looking for anything, I'd bypass your profile immediately with that picture.  You look collared, taken, whatever you want to call it

search "profile" in this forum and you'll find a ton more advice

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 6:19:43 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		FR
If I wanted to see you topless wearing a collar, I would ask you to provide me that picture. Your picture is a total and utter turnoff.
Furthermore, your picture in conjunction with your profile make you sound like a useless whiney do-me submissive (that CM is already drowning in) with the IQ of a milk carton, and equally interesting.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 2/21/2011 6:20:23 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 10:29:08 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		You've been told all this but here goes:

Read the FAQs in the Ask A Mistress forum.
Take off the collar.
Get dressed.
Smile in your picture.
Re-write the whole thing having taken away some info from the first thing I listed.

Then come back and ask again to see if any tweeking needs to be done. 


_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 12:25:00 PM   
lilkoda


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline 		OK, not sure if they have ok'd the picture yet, but I did go and change some things in my profile, I want to thank everyone for their help. It is greatly appreciated.

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 12:37:30 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Pics, as far as I know don't need approval anymore.  It should be done right away.  I know anytime I change mine, it's instantaneous.  

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 6:35:52 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Firstly OP, good on you for taking the advice you sought. The new pic is much better! Now, the only thing I find off-putting is your poor spelling, I'm into sensory deprivation not senory deprevation, and I've never danced a pokla! There seems to be quite a few female Dominants like Myself who are sticklers for spelling and grammar, so I do recommend going over your words. Try typing them into a word processing program and get that to check and correct it for you, then copy and paste them into your profile. Do the same with messages you send out or responses to messages. And as a further tip, never use text speak, we just hate messages like 'LO. how r u 2day?' It just looks so lazy ... and that's not a good attribute for a potential sub to advertise himself as being!

Secondly, LP is 100% correct when She says don't sit back and wait for messages from Dominant Ladies! Be proactive, which means reading each Domme's profile and being selective about those to whom you write. There must be signs of compatability ... and mention those specifically in your letter. Whilst you may formulate a general outline of a suitable letter, the specifics must match the person to whom you are writing. For example:

Dear (screen name is safest, don't assume they like a particular title)
I was browsing profiles and found yours. It interested me because (specific thing) and I also very much enjoy (same or different activity which also matches what's in her profile - doesn't have to be bdsm related). I note that you are not too far from me for a future meeting to be feasible if things progress to that extent. I am curious about (something she mentioned), could you please explain more about it? Thank you for your time, regards (your name - can be your nick or just a first name).

This works because it's not too long, it's specific to her, addressed to her, polite, proper English, you've asked a question which encourages her to answer (gives her a topic) and includes a name to which she can address a reply. It's not overtly sexual, it's not assuming she will want to become your Dominant, and whilst it's respectful, it's not 'in a submissive role' which isn't yet appropriate. Nothing screams 'inexperience' or 'out to get his fetish needs met' like someone who writes 'hi, i'm ur lowly worm, cum and trample me' ... and yes, I've received that!!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: profile help - 2/21/2011 7:04:24 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		You have gotten a lot of great advice ... and apparently responded ... so good for you.

A couple more things you might appreciate knowing ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have a few suggestions.

1. Smile. It makes you seem more fun to be with.

2. Dommes are generally tired of men who just want to play and aren't looking for a real relationship. If you're looking for a relationship, show it. Have a clothed main picture. One that projects an image would be great - wearing a tie at a desk, swinging a tennis racket, or dressed in a work shirt and jeans.

3. Show a woman what a relationship with you would be like. De-emphasise the kink. Tell her that you'd like to go camping with her, travel Europe with her, go to NASCAR races, etc.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'll tell you what I tell all males. The numbers game on this site (ratio of sub males compared to Dominant women) is NOT in your favor. You absolutely will have to be pro active in your search. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you will receive more first contacts than you make. It just doesn't work that way.




These aspects are true. You will have to be very proactive then show interest in corresponding based on what She says in Her profile.

When communicating ... avoid sex in any form. Women will bring it up if they want to talk about it, with you.

The best advice is be a gentleman ... treat it all like you would on a vanilla first contact then date and you can meet Ladies here.

But don't think your going to get contacts daily ... might only be a handful a year ... and you will have to pro actively work to make those ...

Good luck ... and enjoy!

PS: Oh one last thought ... your second picture looks like Mike Holgrem ... about to scream at a referee about a bad call ... change that one!


(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: profile help - 2/22/2011 1:15:17 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		I PM'd you, OP. Great new avatar!

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: profile help - 2/22/2011 1:57:58 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Diggin' it dude keep it up!!!

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: profile help - 2/22/2011 5:07:12 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Your profile is MUCH improved! Especially the pic.

Mentioning the rope bondage seminar was very good. That says that you go out and do things and meet people, which sadly is not always the case with some men online.

Good luck to you!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: profile help - 2/22/2011 7:28:36 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		It is much improved!  I will suggest to you that you look to the misspellings in the profile, and the use of the words "a lot" in place of "alot".

I think you also might want to specify a bit about what you bring to a relationship with a Lady - are you looking for long-term, or just friendship, or a play partner...what motivates you inside to want this at this point in your life, and what sort of things do you have to offer in terms of relationship and practical skills...

The mistake that so many guys make here is that the sexual and kink aspects that they desire can be so exciting that they don't take the time to really think through what they want out of a relationship besides sex and kink - sex and kink will come based on the nature and desires of the Lady involved.  It is certainly not bad to want them, and at an appropriate time to discuss them, but they should not take the forefront in your interactions with women as human beings with which you hope to form some sort of connection or relationship with.

There are nearly 1,800 kinky people listed in your area over on Fetlife.com, with several events coming up.  Don't know if you have been over there yet or not, but check it out - do a search on your city, and cities within an hour or so drive of you to see what events, venues, and groups are about you in the real world.  :)


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
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