Confusion......

Confusion...... (Full Version)

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SomethingElse9 -> Confusion...... (2/21/2011 3:25:19 PM)
So, I have been with this guy for two years now, minus a month of a break period where I was out of the city. I didn't see anyone else during that time but I was working on myself. He did see other people during that time including a transvestite. I knew about this though and didn't even really care because it was an off period for us. Anyway, I end up moving back and moving in with him. We both missed each other and realized we loved each other and etc. Fast forward 5-6 months later and he decided he wanted to start seeing other people again, cross-dressers and transvestites to explore his sexuality. At first I was taking this very hard because he had told me when I first moved in that he was going to see others with me only. Then he is going to meet someone off of this site who turned out to be insane or something like that. Then, he started answering ads off of Craigslist and went to meet someone off of there on a Saturday night in the pouring rain late at night and it was a bad situation. I was hurt by that incident because we had been hanging out together and having a nice evening together and had great sex together. I fall asleep and he spent time on CL answering ads and posted an ad himself. I felt insulted and felt like I wasn't good enough. He comes back and I am up watching t.v. and then go to bed. He proceeds to stay up and talk to someone from this site for hours. They start talking every day and he is automatically doing assignments for this person. I felt like it was belittling to our relationship and anyone that he would put so much faith and energy into someone he didn't know at all. He ended up inviting said person over to our apartment for an evening and I was not home for any of that. I was told I could be there but it might be better or less awkward if it was just them at first. So, I stayed out late after work and came home to find out it was not what he had expected. Well, now it is a few weeks later from that experience and he has gotten really into this cross-dressing thing. He still is trying to meet someone, talking to people on here (both women and men) and answering ads. The biggest thing is that he has changed a lot since all of this has transpired. He was a bit metro-sexual when I met him and I liked that. I didn't know anything about the cross-dressing for a long time. He did a few times prior to getting heavily into it since the new year. Now, he is taking women vitamins, spending more time grooming than even I do, using make-up and hair products, dressing up and etc. Ultimately, I am confused because I do love him and I do want to accept him completely. The confusion comes in the form of wondering if I can handle it all and wondering if I can ever feel good enough for him. I have been doubting myself constantly. I have been trying to lose weight, trying to dress up more, trying to be more exciting and enticing, and etc. He tells me that he is attracted me and loves being with me. I cannot help but feel that he would rather be with someone else all of the time and feel like he might be fantasizing about others when he is having sex with me. I also wonder about his loyalties when he sends out hundreds of e-mails to people and seemingly cares for them and treats them like they are seriously important when he doesn't know them at all.

DarkSteven -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 3:27:05 PM)
That was a lot of words. The relationship's over. Sorry.

MsLadySue -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 3:35:04 PM)
That's what I love about your posts DarkSteven ... straight to the point.

IrishMist -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 3:35:59 PM)
You have two choices. One; accept everything that he is doing and saying and shut your mouth about it or two; end the relationship and tell him good bye. Pretty simple

Kaliko -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 3:36:05 PM)
Yes, the relationship is over. You can feel it, can't you - that he doesn't care for your feelings anymore.

SorceressJ -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 3:43:35 PM)
Exit stage left honey, at your earliest possible convenience. Srsly.

oceanwynds2 -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:21:14 PM)
OP..it is a lot of drama, and so much of it is not necessary. Yes, you have strong feelings for him, but hopefully you will have even more for yourself. Best of luck to you oceanwynds

Prinsexx -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:21:29 PM)
I'm not going to say this relationshup os over. The form of the relationship is over. That's all. The 'person' you first met is no longer the 'person' you first met. But I see a few aspects to your relationship which will probably never allow this to work for either of you. In my opinion (educated guess work because I have met neither of you): 1. You legitimised his heterosexual identity. In other words you were his 'straight' shield in the world within which he felt safe to start the change. 2. He is in transition. It's gender identity. It's not the entirety of who he is. 3. This does not stop him loving you. 4. This does not stop you loving him/her. 5. You lack self worth and this is diminishing your feelings about being an adequate woman. 6. You are a woman. That is enough. What happens next? It's up to you. The book is yet unwritten. Prin

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:26:47 PM)
I wouldn't take any showers around him if I know my horror films.

kalikshama -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:33:13 PM)
To me TV isn't the issue but that he wants to be poly and you don't.

Madame4a -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:36:09 PM)
Time to move on

SexyBlackMan2 -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:36:40 PM)
time to move on

DesFIP -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 4:42:25 PM)
If he's confused about his sexual identity then he should be exploring it with a therapist, not having sex with anybody he can. He's risking not just his life but yours as well. If he prefers to spend more of his time with others than with you, that more than anything shows you where you are on his list of priorities - at the bottom. You deserve someone who thinks you're fabulous just as you are and who wants the same things you do. He isn't ever going to be that person.

maybemaybenot -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 5:06:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingElse9 The confusion comes in the form of wondering if I can handle it all Maybe you should ask yourself if you *want* to handle ot all.... not if you can. And then you can ask yourself if this is how you *want* to feel the rest of your life: quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingElse9 and wondering if I can ever feel good enough for him. I have been doubting myself constantly. I have been trying to lose weight, trying to dress up more, trying to be more exciting and enticing, and etc. He tells me that he is attracted me and loves being with me. I cannot help but feel that he would rather be with someone else all of the time and feel like he might be fantasizing about others when he is having sex with me. I also wonder about his loyalties when he sends out hundreds of e-mails to people and seemingly cares for them and treats them like they are seriously important when he doesn't know them at all. If the answer to both is " no " : it's OK. Few people aspire to have a relationship where the feel insecurre, confused and full of doubts He may tell you he is attracted to you and likes being with you, but he is doing nothing to back those words up. The decision is yours, sweetie. Hanging around waiting for the very predictable outcome of this movie will do more to harm you than leaving now. mbmbn

angelikaJ -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 5:29:41 PM)
Has he tried cross dressing with you... or have you tried accomodating him cross dressing with you?

MaamJay -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 6:10:40 PM)
OP, My ex-hubby was a crossdresser. Only into shoes when I met him, I actually introduced him to stockings etc, and was happy to see him wearing them, thinking that acceptance might make it less of an obsession. It didn't. It made it even more of one. It's a very strong fetish and anything (and anyone) else is second to it. Actually in his case it was more like shoes, motorbikes, trips overseas to ride motorbikes ... and then Me (who was supposed to be, by the 3rd effort at the marriage, his Domme!). Mine wasn't thinking of transitioning (he would NOT make a convincing girl!), although he was curious about it. While I know plenty of transgender people, I also know that most relationships I have seen don't survive that process intact. At least some manage to maintain a friendship through it all. So if you stay ... you are in for a VERY tough time. I don't recommend it. In the end I gave up and left, and I do NOT give up easily. I should have given up sooner! Good luck Maam Jay aka violet[A]

reekon -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 8:14:43 PM)
Don't take this wrong or think I am mean, I just speak raw, He is a Fag boy now, and has a danger fetish of metting strangers. I would stop seeing him cause We all no he is not protecting him self out there and HE WILL BRING YOU BACK A GIFT YOU DON'T WANT.

porcelaine -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 8:45:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SomethingElse9 He was a bit metro-sexual when I met him and I liked that. I didn't know anything about the cross-dressing for a long time. Greetings, You were doing rather fine until I read that line. I like metrosexual men quite a lot and I'm well aware that they aren't the most masculine fella's on the block. In fact, it can be argued that more than a few are bisexual or at the very least flexible in that regard. Mind you I'm not bothered by that nor attracted to male ruggedness. But given the additional tidbits you've included I suspect your situation goes well above this. Although the partnership is not a surprise. You're familiar and he feels comfortable in your presence to a point. But it would appear that the other aspect of his sexuality that he's avidly exploring is not open to your involvement. The self improvement efforts are laudable but I don't think they'll extinguish his interest in the other sex. Whatever your imperfections may entail it's probable they're not a bother, or they provide an acceptable degree of distance which gives him a foot in both worlds. Nonetheless I don't know if this situation is going to provide the element of normalcy and companionship that you crave. You'd essentially have to be attracted to transgendered men or cross dressers at the very least. I suspect your emotional attachment may prove problematic in the long run. I won't call this a phase, but he may be at a point where he's unwilling to repress his desire for new experiences anymore. I needn't expound on the health risks involved. Many men like your partner engage in sexual activities without a second thought. Some lead a double life while doing so. I guess the only redeeming element of this sordid situation is your awareness of what's taking place. In the end you must determine if you can love him as he is and what he might become. The metamorphosis may be in its early stages. You may be in for a very bumpy ride. I wish you well and peace of mind. Namaste, ~porcelaine

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 9:37:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reekon Don't take this wrong or think I am mean, I just speak raw, He is a Fag boy now, and has a danger fetish of metting strangers. I would stop seeing him cause We all no he is not protecting him self out there and HE WILL BRING YOU BACK A GIFT YOU DON'T WANT. This is the truth.

Innisint -> RE: Confusion...... (2/21/2011 11:52:53 PM)
You are worth more than that....no need to tolerate such disrespect. Don't drag it out just leave as soon as humanly possible. Then take a looong hot shower and forget the last two years of your life with him.

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