tiggerspoohbear
Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SomethingElse9
The more that I think of this situation and read through these threads the more pissed off I become. I am not a stupid girl by any means at all. Somehow, someway I was fooled with this guy though. Well, it is quite simple when I look at it. He is very charming, very witty, makes you feel like you are the queen of the world when you first meet. He is really good at the beginning of a relationship and makes you feel like you are just the best thing ever. He also presents himself about as different as can be. We never even engaged into BDSM together for three or four months. Then, I never knew he was into cross-dressing until I found out by accident by looking for my sex toys in a suitcase we had taken on vacation. He thought I knew already and played it off like no big deal.
He never told me the first few months he was still seeing other people and up until almost a year together he was answering ads on CL and talking very flirtatiously to people on this site. I don't honestly think those two practices have ever stopped. I don't know they ever will. He views them as a social experiment and they are "like his porn". He says he answers ads to get pictures. He also claims to meet people to see if they are any good for the both of us. There has yet to be anyone good enough for me though. But as I think of it, what is going to do, let them suck his dick and that is going to make him think they might be good at eating my pussy or something? He gets to flirt, he gets to say anything he wants to anyone he wants, he gets to meet anyone he wants whenever he wants even when it has upset me, he gets to check them out, he gets to do whatever he wants with them and allegedly tell me about what happens. What happens if he is just addicted to meeting people and then just tells me nothing happened so he gets to continue down the road of that "rush" he is getting? Or what happens if he finds someone he thinks is going to be a good play partner for the both of us and there is zero chemistry between me and that person? I can almost guarantee he would keep seeing them on his own.
Someone mentioned about that it seems I am not into being with other people as he is into it. I don't see myself as not being into it. I am not into him playing a double standard, living a double life and keeping things from me. I would be totally into playing with others if I were invited to be involved and I were made to feel like I was really a part of the process of choosing a partner or that he valued my opinion about who he was going to meet.I also find it very tacky to just automatically start talking to someone online and calling them teacher and performing assignments for them and etc. without ever meeting them before or really knowing them at all. This is on top of talking to other people at the same time on here and on CL via e-mail. He treats them all the same, as if he is all about them. It is like he is trying to get assurance that he is wanted by every single person in the world.
The one thing I know in my heart is that it will probably not stop. He did this with his ex-fiance too. I have met her in person from a work related incident. She has disclosed information about her personal life in off-handed girl talk. The bits and pieces I have put together from her add up to him wanting to do similar things with her. She got out of that mess and ended up meeting someone else within a few months and married him. I think her and I would actually be friends without him in the picture but she only knows me from my work. She doesn't even know that I am his live-in girlfriend. Then again, I have never used or abused the information she has given to me against her. So, I guess it is time to walk away before I am really insane and really heart-broken and have given up five or ten years more of my life.
I read this post and it makes me cry. It's so much like the first D/s I was involved in. He got to play whenever he wanted, sometimes he lied, other times he had me drive him 100's of miles to meet up with these women. I did it all.
Apart from the cross-dressing, it reads exactly like the situation I got myself into. I managed to ruin my relationship with my immediate family. My parents met him once and by the next day they'd changed the locks on the door and wouldn't give me a replacement. They'd also changed the codes on the security system they had. They lied to me and gave some lame excuse, but I knew why. They saw through him and were afraid they'd be robbed. That he'd steal my house key and go through their house, what had been my home for a large part of my life.
When he "decided" that bringing in a third would make him the happiest man in the world, I was at such a low point I agreed to it. She became the shiny new toy, I was cast aside. We lived in my apartment, a fairly small one bedroom. I wasn't allowed to sleep in my own bed, that was for them. I was relegated to the couch. I ended up in the hospital with an accidental overdose. He cried over me while I was out of it. By the time they showed up to pick me up the next morning he refused to talk to me. This went on for two week of pure hell. He knew this was the worst thing he could do to me. Shut me out on purpose. They then walked out on me to be together but neither was "man" and "woman" to tell me in person.
I received a nasty and disgusting yahoo msg from both of them that night to tell me I was worthless, that I was too "slavish" and didn't have the experience they required from a third. I was then threatened with physical harm. The police paid them a visit, since I knew the P.D. scared the hell out of both of them. I didn't go out for two months. I was terrified they'd be waiting for me in the stairwell of my apartment building. I lived in the dark for those 2 months, too scared to turn on any lights, the tv or even the radio.
He knew I suffered from depression, and they both took full advantage of that to make me think I was the reason for the entire mess. To say I was devastated is quite the understatement. I had no one to turn to, I'd lost the friends I'd had and my family. It took over a year for my parents to forgive. To this day, my sister still hasn't, and this was almost 7 yrs ago to the date.
It's hurt my relationships in that I no longer trust the men who approach me. I don't want to have to go through this ever again.
For your own mental health, please get out while the going is good. It'll hurt, there's no denying that, but you have to put yourself as number one. You absolutely can't let him win this.
If you need someone to chat with, please know that my cmail is open to you. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Only you can make the decision to stay or go, but know there will be nothing but heartache. Also, don't blame yourself for any of this. It's NOT your fault, but his. Yes, it takes two, but sometimes one can ruin it for the other and not care one whit.
He still emails me at least twice a year, and it sets off anxiety and panic attacks that last for at least a week. I finally sent him a final email this summer telling him what he'd done to me and what I thought of his underhanded ways. In no way was I polite, I laid it all on the line and blasted him. Told him never to contact me again. I'm hoping this time he'll honor my wishes. So far so good.
_____________________________
"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".
"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".
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RE: Confusion...... - 
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