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Submission issues - 2/22/2011 2:31:51 PM   
SubmissiveSam88


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hi, this topic has probably been posted before, so sorry about that.

I really prefaired it when my old mistress would force me, or overpower me (in a play scenario) I was in my element when I was tied up, and she knew it.

Then there where times when she would just boss me arround, and I just felt silly. I didn't enjoy openly submitting to her out of choice, and I didn't like being humiliated in public just to please her.

If I didn't do as she asked, she would be disappointed.

I am just about to embark on another adventure in a different city, and now I don't quite know wheather to call myself a sub, if I don't like submitting and obeying orders.

I know not all mistresses are the same, but would you just think I was a waste of time if I said I didn't like to "Obey" a mistress?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submission issues - 2/22/2011 2:42:55 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Well, I would, but that's because I have a strong preference for submissives who obey.  I have no interest in dynamics where My authority is challenged constantly.  I'd rather have peace in My household than drama.  Resistance play is one thing.  My day to day life is something different. 

That doesn't mean that everyone feels the same on the subject as I do.  It's just My personal preference.


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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to SubmissiveSam88)
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RE: Submission issues - 2/22/2011 2:44:54 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		the word I associate with this is "bottom" -- eg: enjoys submitting sexually but not so much outside the bedroom. Just on the basis of what I know of women in general, I have to assume that coupled with an otherwise healthy and nurturing relationship, a non-trivial number of women would be interested. Obviously, there are also those who want someone to submit outside the bedroom... in part or in whole. Those people may or may not be incompatible with you depending on how far each wants to bend.

I'd recommend being honest about yourself and then treating it as simply a compatibility question.

~Jeff

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SubmissiveSam88)
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RE: Submission issues - 2/22/2011 2:46:25 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		It could be that you haven't met the right dominant yet.

Or it may be you just enjoy the play aspect of D/s.

Give it a go with your upcoming 'adventure' to see if anything changes.

If not, then maybe you should review who/what you're looking for in the hope of finding someone with similar needs.

I wish you luck

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RE: Submission issues - 2/22/2011 2:57:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not a Domme but what yo describe is what I term a "bottom".

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Submission issues - 2/22/2011 8:39:46 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
OP, I would call you a bottom rather than a submissive. You enjoy the kinky play(bottoming) but not the submitting, therefore you're not submissive. Yet, some other people would call you a bedroom submissive. There's nothing wrong w/ either one, as long as you are honest and you and your partner are both on the same page with that.

~sweetsub~

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

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RE: Submission issues - 2/22/2011 8:42:23 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes I agree, the label bottom would suit you far better than submissivesam! Submission has expectations of yielding one's will, surrendering your power to Her ... of being obedient! There's nothing wrong in what you want and are willing to do ... but you do have to find the right person who wants nothing more than that too. Many lifestyle Dommes are looking for more all-inclusive submission and so the forced obedience scenario isn't appealing as it translates to permanent hard work on our behalf and therefore very little benefit to us. But for someone who just wants to play sometimes and spend the rest of the time in a more vanilla relationship ... it would be great! So choose a better nickname, and try searching for a Top!

Good luck
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Submission issues - 2/23/2011 3:13:50 PM   
SubmissiveSam88


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/5/2010
Status: offline 		thanks for all the advice, esp. @MaamJay

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submission issues - 3/3/2011 2:25:30 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		It is actually quite common for a slave to like to be forced into obeying or submitting. They feel that is half the fun. But it is a balancing act of sometimes complying or not disobeying for too long otherwise the Mistress can tire of the insolent game. So go ahead and play naughty, get punished, then give in while it is still fun for both you and your Mistress.

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http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to SubmissiveSam88)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submission issues - 3/4/2011 11:29:46 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Well, I would, but that's because I have a strong preference for submissives who obey.  I have no interest in dynamics where My authority is challenged constantly
What she said.

quote:

Resistance play is one thing.  My day to day life is something different.
I tried it, and it was fun for a minute, but definitely is not the type of dynamic I would be into for a long term thing.    M

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RE: Submission issues - 3/5/2011 8:14:51 AM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		IMO - only if they are 'playing' at being a slave.

Really, this person is a bottom and will likely have much better luck finding a compatible companion if that fact is understood right from the get go. To call himself a slave, I believe, would be the heading down the road of frustration from unmet expectations on both sides of the kneel.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

It is actually quite common for a slave to like to be forced into obeying or submitting. They feel that is half the fun. But it is a balancing act of sometimes complying or not disobeying for too long otherwise the Mistress can tire of the insolent game. So go ahead and play naughty, get punished, then give in while it is still fun for both you and your Mistress.


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Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Submission issues - 3/5/2011 8:51:42 AM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		when you find your Mistress you will not hesitate to submit to Her as you will want to do so. till them play as a bottom and explore the lifestyle and what you want and like

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LadyPact

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
Profile   Post #: 12
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