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gift giving - 2/25/2011 11:39:28 AM

came4U

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Not sure if this is a time-frame issue or a common gift giving dilemma.

My ex and his new wife (of about 3 yrs-ish) bought their first home (has been just over a year now). She loves any excuse to throw parties.

We (my son and I) already went to the 'first' house warming party after it was built, I wasn't sure of the colors or sizes or anything so I/we did not bring a gift. Besides, I thought 'geez, would my gift end up in a drawer or the garage, lol what wife wants a gift from her man's ex up on the fireplace mantle?' LOL and besides 'what do ya get for the man/couple who has everything already?'

So, now that all of the 'one year builder's repairs' have been done (paint colors were wrong, re-do the stairs to her specs, plumbing issues sorted out, etc) she is having yet ANOTHER party lol.Argggg.

Now that I know the general layout of the house, color scheme etc, is it now too late to bring a gift? What kind of gift? I was thinking art work for one of the spare rooms (places they don't frequent much) as wall filler or even lamps?? Should the gift then be in the name of my son instead (his step son), or both of us?

I doubt she is expecting a gift--the second time around from others, but is it appropriate or rude to assume to bring one now (a year later)?

OR---should we just go. Eat and drink, crash over for the night then thank them and go home?

Is it too late? This is likely an excuse for a party in any way, shape or form, but is it officially and should it be taken seriously as a 'house warming party' part deux and this is my chance to make it 'right'???

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 11:48:06 AM

FukinTroll

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A cigarette inside a book of matches with a note: For the discerning home owner who did not land in their dream home.

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 11:57:25 AM

gungadin09

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i don't think it's too late. But then, i'm not very "proper" when it comes to this kind of thing. i say, if you want to bring a gift, bring a gift. Incidently, there have been Christmases that i didn't gift people, because i was broke. i felt bad about it, and tried to "make up" for it the next year. Oddly enough, i don't think people even noticed. i don't notice when people don't gift me, except when they fuss and act all embarassed about it. i'm not good at formalities and stuff. i may be the wrong person to ask.

And i hate parties.

pam

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 12:58:57 PM

came4U

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quote:

A cigarette inside a book of matches with a note: For the discerning home owner who did not land in their dream home.

that rarely happens I heard. Contractors often cut corners or the orders aren't followed through/followed. I guess ya have to be watchful of that and check on the progress quite often, if time allows.

and gungadin, I doubt they expect one, but I still feel kinda awkward. I have been re-thinking and maybe a gift should be of 'family or religious' value, to make it less notable or invasive (to her). But, not quite sure about that yet either.

I love her parties (I should say 'their' lol) because she is very informal about it--her not having her shit together in a row kinda way. Not to mention they treat us very well (a lil better than other guests). She is kind that way (out of necessity, I guess).

Still pondering which room, if any, to bring something though. Money is no object.

But, it is hard to find something that comes from me/us...without seeming too 'from us' reminder. I need something very neutral. Any ideas?

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:03:01 PM

FukinTroll

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Kinda hard to say luv, without any clue in their tastes, decor, interests, etc...

Perhaps a nice marble pastry board and matching rolling pin?

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:12:10 PM

SorceressJ

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Providing that the people to whom the gift is being given are not allergic, perhaps a living plant of some kind. Not necessarily flowers per se, unless maybe they enjoy gardening and might appreciate seedlings or other young plants to install in their new yard. Infant trees are also excellent in this regard. Hanging baskets are nice, too. The point of a living plant is the gift of beauty and new life to the domicile in question, thence to be nurtured to fruition. Living plants always breathe good energy into any location, are very pleasant and attractive, give humans something to take care of, are never sad and pitiful like cut flowers (which are dead), and are meaningful without being meaningful in the way the OP does not wish.

~ from a gardener who understands such things.. )O(

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:13:30 PM

came4U

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quote:

Perhaps a nice marble pastry board and matching rolling pin?

haha nice, but they already have that, plus a pizza oven.

*I used to have a mini-rolling pin as a gag for him though, my mini-nagging pin as we called it. If I had a problem, I'd bring that out, wave it around and bitch my case. If I brought him another big, heavy marble one for her...he'd think I were up to something (or I wanted moreeeeeee money). LOL

< Message edited by came4U -- 2/25/2011 1:18:48 PM >

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:16:43 PM

came4U

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quote:

Providing that the people to whom the gift is being given are not allergic, perhaps a living plant of some kind. Not necessarily flowers per se, unless maybe they enjoy gardening and might appreciate seedlings or other young plants to install in their new yard. Infant trees are also excellent in this regard.

WOW, excellent idea Sorceress!! I never even thought of the yard. Thus far I don't think they have even landscaped yet, nor have grass, a fence etc.

Thaaaaaat would be great hmmm. A tree that they and my son can plant. Awesome idea!!

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:25:14 PM

FukinTroll

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Have you seen the pretty lil wooden boxes that have pretty gold writing on top that say; "For someone who has everything, here is a place to put it" when you open the lid it is all solid.

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:37:26 PM

LillyBoPeep

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my brother's one of those "dudes who has everything;" REALLY hard to get gifts for him. i would second the living plant idea, if you have any idea how they want to landscape their yard. do they live in one of those housing association neighborhoods where they have certain limitations on what they can and can't do? that may play a factor, if so.
sometimes for people like that, just a little trinkety-thingie to show your good wishes is all you can do. =p

it's likely they aren't expecting anything, so don't feel like the world is going to end if you don't pick the right thing. =p
if you really want to do it to be nice, then do it.

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 1:52:36 PM

hlen5

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If you are worried about the type of tree to buy, how about a gift certificate from a nursery?

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 2:11:07 PM

came4U

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No Lillybopeep, they have no restrictions, that I know of and no, likely they don't expect a gift, but I hate not giving back to the people who do mean a lot and treat me and my son well. It is a guilt factor more any anything., they really don't need anything. That is the heartbreaker, really.

and a nursery gift certificate would be an additionally great idea hlen5.

Thanks to all for the great ideas. This has been enlightening.

I was thinking 'in the box' (bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms etc). That would be toooo personal (on an ex-level, that is) and possibly make her feel uncomfortable as a newcomer to his life so to speak. I do like the idea of my son and his step-dad bonding with the tree idea. The three (or two) of them can have their moment in that case, without me being involved or interfering. She loves my son also and treats him very well, That is what I was looking forward to..the gift not being a burdensome eyesore (for her sake) or distress to receive by perhaps being keepsake in a closet on standby to display for when we come over.

< Message edited by came4U -- 2/25/2011 2:14:00 PM >

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 4:49:44 PM

littlewonder

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When I've gone to any kind of party I usually just bring them a bottle of wine or a plate of cookies or a cake or pie or something similar. You don't have to worry about if it matches, what they'll do with it or anything.

Everyone loves foods and they're perfect housewarming gifts imo.

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 6:11:22 PM

DesFIP

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Disposable items make lovely gifts. They can eat the candy or drink the wine or cook with it without any worries about you expecting to have it served next time you come over.

In general, I give fabric place mats for house warming gifts with matching napkins. Candlesticks for weddings. Not artwork or anything that is expected to be displayed.

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 6:16:06 PM

came4U

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quote:

Everyone loves foods and they're perfect housewarming gifts imo.

I would but I cook when I am there anyways, if she doesn't hire a caterer or get others. I am a chef also, and I know to stay out of another woman's kitchen/domain, unless asked. Thus the 'unorganized' details she hires is usually shoo'ed out by me so I can do the job correctly. I end up in the kitchen (which is very comfortable for me) for hours.

Artwork would be nice. But, as I said, it would have to be for one of the spare rooms as not to intrude.

< Message edited by came4U -- 2/25/2011 6:17:12 PM >

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RE: gift giving - 2/25/2011 6:41:27 PM

littlewonder

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well then imo, you doing the cooking for her IS your gift. If I were her I'd be extremely grateful for that and would tell you nothing else is necessary.

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RE: gift giving - 2/26/2011 6:10:58 AM

DesFIP

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Or make something ahead like chocolate truffles, something that requires to be done ahead so you can bring it in on a pretty plate you picked up at a yard sale or in a nice box.

I make chocolate biscotti that take six hours start to finish so obviously I can't do it while helping. I bring them and everyone looks forward to them.

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RE: gift giving - 2/26/2011 7:02:25 AM

tazzygirl

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A gift certificate to Home Depot... will help with the next remolding job.

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RE: gift giving - 2/26/2011 7:29:42 AM

came4U

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Thank you all.

I think a gift cert for a tree or two will be good. I had a dream about cherry trees last night lol.

Can't get the actual tree next week, nurseries aren't open yet (except online) at the locations and the ground is frozen. Will have to get a dude with a hole diggin' machine thang too to come around when it is warmer and when convenient for someone to be actually home.

Thanks again for the great ideas.

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