who is really in charge in d\s play

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[Poll]

who is really in charge in d\s play

bottom

25% (7)

top

48% (13)

equal

25% (7)

Total Votes : 27

(last vote on : 5/15/2011 10:21:56 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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who is really in charge in d\s play - 2/25/2011 5:46:34 PM

lassie1970

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who is really in charge during a session the bottom or the top

< Message edited by lassie1970 -- 2/25/2011 5:48:44 PM >

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 5:48:34 PM

wittynamehere

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Define "in charge", otherwise the question is unclear and any response would just be a guess.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 6:26:31 PM

DesFIP

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Both, either, neither. Depends. Both of us have power to control how it goes. Preferably you work together to have it be something good instead of thinking in adversarial form which determines it won't be successful for either.

Both of us have to choose to be there. Either of us can end it. So what?

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 6:28:32 PM

wittynamehere

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Both, either, neither. Depends. Both of us have power to control how it goes. Preferably you work together to have it be something good instead of thinking in adversarial form which determines it won't be successful for either.

Both of us have to choose to be there. Either of us can end it. So what?

Yeah, I don't really know what the poll is asking. It depends on what is meant by "in charge" (and clarification on what the OP's definition of top and bottom would help too).

Without any further info, I'd have to say the top is in charge, by definition of what most people mean by "top". That isn't to say it can't be any other way, depending on the people, the scene, and what "in charge" means to the OP.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 6:31:34 PM

littlewonder

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don't do so "sessions" so in our relationship he's definitely the one in charge and I like it that way.

Imo when you're talking about sessions then you mean top/bottom play and imo then neither and both. You both get to say what happens, when and why.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 6:38:52 PM

LadyPact

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The term "session" aside, I did actually say top.

Yes, this is the part where everybody pulls out the 'but the bottom can stop the scene at any time' card. The top has the same ability. I know I'm not the only top out there who has pulled a scene because of the way I was feeling about it.

The <gasp> potential calling of a safe word aside, it's My direction that a scene follows.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 7:24:56 PM

DarkSteven

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The bottom has the right to safeword. That's it.

The top directs all play and in response to the safeword has the option of:
1. Stopping play altogether
2. Continuing the same activity but gentler/slower/softer
3. Switching to a different kind of play.

The top has much more control. Those who complain that he/she doesn't have 100% control are focusing too much on the bottom's ability to safeword and overlooking the greater latitude of the top.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 7:53:26 PM

PeonForHer

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I guess that if done properly, the bottom is in charge. The bottom - like any adult supervising kids playing a rough game - stops them when they get too rough. The kids are usually allowed to play whatever game they like, but the adult sets the boundaries to whatever game is played.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 8:58:42 PM

windchymes

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He says he is......

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 8:59:56 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

He says he is......

Because Troll said so.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/25/2011 9:20:33 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lassie1970

who is really in charge during a session

During a "session", typically the client is "in charge" (even if being in charge involves role-playing not being in charge).

quote:

ORIGINAL: lassie1970

the bottom or the top

What you're talking about here are roles of action, not authority; critical difference

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/26/2011 12:25:37 AM

lassie1970

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i know that i ahave left the question a little ambiguos as to definition but that was on purpose to open debate and fnd out what other people thnk thank you everyone thak posts

< Message edited by lassie1970 -- 2/26/2011 12:38:46 AM >

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/26/2011 5:52:11 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The bottom has the right to safeword. That's it.

The top directs all play and in response to the safeword has the option of:
1. Stopping play altogether
2. Continuing the same activity but gentler/slower/softer
3. Switching to a different kind of play.

The top has much more control. Those who complain that he/she doesn't have 100% control are focusing too much on the bottom's ability to safeword and overlooking the greater latitude of the top.

If the bottom has the right to demand he eases up or switches to a different kind of play, then the top doesn't have total control.

Plus some of us have the right to ask for what we want. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but also doesn't automatically mean I won't. We both have to be into it for it to work. And yes, like Lady P said, we both have the right to end it.

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RE: who is really in charge during - 2/26/2011 6:36:40 AM

SymphonicNight

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I think the question of who is in charge in a session is much like asking whose in charge in a vanilla relationship. One person simply wants it more and will bend more to get it. That person will cater to the other, and let the other call the shots, even if that means letting a bottom pick every type of play involved which would make the bottom "the one in charge". (Of course the opposite can be true where the bottom just lets the top do whatever).

If neither person really bends or compromises more than the other and both sides reach a very fulfilling mid point of their desires, then they are of equal (or about equal) power.

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