CreepyStalker
Posts: 265
Joined: 2/12/2011
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I have nothing to do today. Procrastination and pedantry ensues...
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ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear
Why, Why, Why,
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
Because it works, obviously. When they're fully dead we stop, because it ceases to work.
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Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there
is not enough money?
Because they figure your money isn't a finite pot, and so you'll probably try to acquire some more eventually rather than giving up and starving to death now you've run out.
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Why does someone Believe you
when you say there are four billion stars;
but have to check when you say
the paint is still wet?
Because you can personally test the paint but can't test the number of stars and neither can they, so you assume they got that information from a more reliable source.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Because he's a fictional character therefore he isn't even obliged to have a head to put one on.
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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Because being hit in the head with a revolver is undignified and will not earn him manpoints like bullets to the chest do.
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Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
For safety, obviously. Even if their mission ends in death, you don't want them getting knocked out or dying en-route. It'd lower their chances of success and is rather wasteful. Kamikaze pilots don't grow on trees you know.
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Whose idea was it to put an 'S'
in the word 'lisp'?
Lisp comes from 'wlisp' which is suggested to be imitative in origin. So basically someone was taking the piss.
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If people evolved from apes,
Why are there still apes?
People did not evolve from apes, people evolved from the same common ancestor as apes.
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Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Bubbles aren't white. They're multicoloured and pretty because they refract and reflect light weirdly depending on their thickness.
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Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Yes. No sale here: http://www.johnlewis.com/Home+and+Garden/Bedroom/Mattresses+/Mattresses/4811/ProductCategory.aspx
DFS Sofas on the other hand...
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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something
new to eat will have materialized?
They don't, they return hoping their progressive stages of hunger will have lowered their standards sufficiently for some of the rotten mulch in the fridge to seem palatable.
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Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
To de-tangle it from the carpet that's sticking it there.
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Why is it that no plastic bag will open
from the end on your first try?
Because they're stuck. Unstick them. Simples.
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How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They're not entirely enclosed then, are they? There's space for an insect to get in, what with them being tiny.
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When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't
we say, 'That really hurt, why don't
you watch where you're going?'
Because we have basic manners. We acknowledge that they did not intentionally and maliciously harm us and so accept their apology rather than being a dick about it.
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Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Because you have to allocate the majority your spatial attention to this heroic feat of goalkeeping, and thus lack awareness of other objects at that moment.
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In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we
complained about the heat?
We don't. Use a thermometer.
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How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because the basis of mother-in-law jokes is misogynistic bullshit.
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And my FAVORITE.... ..
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
If I remember correctly, it is 1 in 4 people experience a diagnosable mental disorder at some point over the course of their lifetimes. Therefore it is not the case that a quarter of people have a mental health problem at any one time; I believe the relevant statistic is something like 1 in 10 (possibly wrong, it's been a while). But seeing as a great deal of mental illness is invisible, even if you did think of 9 of your best friends I doubt you'd be able to tell which, if any of them, is not okay.
Why is speculating about people's mental health your favourite? Rather morbid don't you think? It's not even a 'why' question.
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Why? Why? Why? - 
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