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WindAssassin -> RE: what is the switches job (7/2/2006 9:02:53 AM)
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Ok, I'm feeling that the poor person who asked this question in the first place is still left in the dark...lol. With all these posts, words get bantered about. Someone new to the scene may not understand the way in which these words are used. "Top" and "bottom" is used for who's doing the touching and who's getting touched. That can extend to things like "who's doing the whipping" "who's taking the initiative". Just because you're a "top" or "bottom" doesn't mean you're "Sub" or "Dom". A "Dom" may demand that his "Sub" carress him/her all over. In that case, the "Dom" is the bottom... receiving the attention. There's a book you may want to check out that helps explain not only this but many other concepts from the beginning in this lifestyle. It's called "The Loving Dominant" by John Warren, Ph.D.
Ok, now that everyone's totally confused......."Top" receives physical stimulus....."Bottom" gives it. "Dominant" orders and "Sub" as we all know, follows orders.... That's so generic, I cringe, but let's keep going.
I see myself as a Switch. When I'm with someone. Depending on the particular moment and the "feeling" of the situation, I may .... here, here's a perfect example that people don't think of to easily explaing a switch. Ever seen a movie where the guy (regular movie here, folks... lol) throws the girl against the wall and starts to kiss the daylights out of her. Girls in the audience sigh with the sheer power of the feeling of being helpless to that moment on screen. Then as they get to kissing, the girl will push off the wall and send him into the other side of the hallway and start to kiss him senseless and take his clothes off. Many times in movies, that doesn't get played out from there to show who's being dominant in the bedroom, but that's an easy and beginning example of a switch.
Reading the other's emotions and getting that sense of what's happening is a big part of it. I think you have to be somewhat empathic to grab the right time, because if you're with a switch male.....like I am, there will come a moment when you're in the middle of everything, and it just happens....he gives a bit.....you start to push a bit....(not in the physical sense) tempting your limits. Where he was holding me by the wrists a moment ago, and we rolled over and now I'm on the physical top of him....and run my hands over his arms.....if he puts them above his head (almost an unconcious gesture of submission) then I keep going and hold them there....suddenly things shifted to me being Dom....
If you don't know if you're with someone who would like to Switch with you.....ask a few questions when you're getting in the mood, or even when you're taking a bit of a long drive to seem to pass the time. Ask if he/she was ever attracted to one of their teachers...most ppl have. It isn't an odd question. You can even start by giving your own example and asking for theirs.....Usually others share to make you feel not alone on such a subject. But that could open the door for many fantasies that start with you being a bit more Dom. If nothing else....let your partner know that you'd like to know what it's like to act Dom. Let them know that you like the way they do it and wonder what the sensations are like being in a bit more of a control position. Most understanding partners will be willing to at least talk about it. Maybe even set up a "one time thing" for you. Never know....they may like it enough to keep doing it on a regular basis....or schedule it out so they still feel in control. Remember that you're not in this scene alone....even if you're single. You pick a partner. Make sure it's someone that's going to understand that it's human to wonder about the other side of the fence.
Ok......I've definately rambled on enough. lol.....sorry all! Hope it helped out a bit more......maybe not.......can't wait to hear some of the responses!
Yours,
~WindAssassin
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