I feel torn

I feel torn (Full Version)

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Piccola3x3 -> I feel torn (3/3/2011 10:55:31 AM)
I live in my house with my brother as a roommate, I serve my Master at his home on the weekends and some times during the week. I often feel pulled in two different directions, between my responsibilities to my house and my Master. Now I will be going back to work and will have another direction pulling at me. I feel as if I have more than one master and a quote from a movie popped into my head, "can any man serve 2 masters and be loyal to both." I worry about how much all this pulling is going to affect my service to my Master.

leadership527 -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 11:12:11 AM)
This is one of the big reasons I prefer master/slave.... or pick whatever labels you'd like to mean "total ownership". In my house such a conflict cannot exist. If Carol goes to work, then it is at my command. She is not serving her boss. She is serving me. Her boss cannot pull her in some direction I don't want. Carol cannot be beholden to her family. If she does familial activities then it is at my command. I own all of Carol including the problems such as "need an outside job to avoid cabin fever" and "need to visit her mother", etc. I make my decisions about how to cope with it all then Carol executes... no conflict at all.

Piccola3x3 -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 11:36:58 AM)
I have only known my Master for a short time and we have discussed things like his desire for me to work at least part-time, which I need, and such other things. I don't need to be totally under his control, I just feel like I am being pulled away from him by my responsibilities at my home and I don't like that. I feel as if I should be at his side when not working, but we haven't known one another very long and I'm afraid of expressing my desires to him for fear of freaking him out and pushing him away.

leadership527 -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 11:50:44 AM)
Ahhhh... OK, so there's a few different points there. I have only known my Master for a short time chuckles OK, then just take a deep breath. New relationships are always intense and filled with much longing. That's a good thing, not a bad thing. But you need to understand that the newness of the relationship is coloring things. If the relationship lasts, it'll settle down of it's own accord and in the meantime go ahead and enjoy the rush. Consider how it'd feel to NOT have someone to long over, eh? I just feel like I'm being pulled away from him by responsibilities at my home This was what I was trying to say above... let me try again. If you give those responsibilities to HIM, then they become his problems and he needs to allocate your time and effort to solve them as he sees fit. In that way, you are not "pulled away". Even when you ARE away, you are directly serving. I feel as if I should be at his side when not working, but we haven't known one another very long and I'm afraid of expressing my desires to him for fear of freaking him out and pushing him away. nods I get that. it's always really, really scary when we expose our deepest desires and needs to someone else. The word "vulnerable" leaps to mind. But out of curiosity, when were you planning on actually engaging with him honestly? Please don't read that wrong. I meant to be "pointed" not "harsh". But really when you think about it, if you DON'T express your true self to him then to some extent or another the relationship itself is partly fictional. Is that what you want? My own play here would be "Be honest. If you two can't honestly see eye to eye on the issue, then now is as good a time as any to find that out." I might also point out a marked lack of trust in that statement. Again, I understand how scary it is to truly be emotionally vulnerable. But don't you really want to trust your master -- hard as that may be sometimes? In the end, relationships are scary. The more intimate they are the more scary they become. Nobody has ever hurt me the way Carol has. Nobody COULD hurt me that deeply. The fear of intimacy is, in my opinion, a very well founded fear. But shrugs for me it's the only game in town so I settle down at the table and go "all-in" because that's the only way to actually win.

CalifChick -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 12:17:11 PM)
Take care of yourself first. If do not take care of yourself, then you won't be able to take care of him. The rest should just fall into place. For example... If you don't go to work then you won't get paid then you won't be able to pay rent/mortgage, then you will be homeless. Therefore, you must go to work. If you don't do your laundry, then you will have to wear stinky clothes then you may get fired, then you will be homeless. Therefore, you must do your laundry. Do you see how this falls into place? You must take care of yourself first, so that you are ABLE to serve him. The work (the real work) comes before the reward (serving him). Cali

hlen5 -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 12:46:30 PM)
What do you consider your responsibilities at home with your brother? Is he younger and you are caring for him? If you are both adults, why doesn't he take care of himself?

Focus50 -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 12:49:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Piccola3x3 I live in my house with my brother as a roommate, I serve my Master at his home on the weekends and some times during the week. I often feel pulled in two different directions, between my responsibilities to my house and my Master. Now I will be going back to work and will have another direction pulling at me. I feel as if I have more than one master and a quote from a movie popped into my head, "can any man serve 2 masters and be loyal to both." I worry about how much all this pulling is going to affect my service to my Master. welcome to real life...! It isn't just a sub/slave thing - we ALL have responsibilities outside of what we'd like to be doing. I go to work not because I want to but because I have to in order to maintain my preferred lifestyle. And doing what you have to is good for the soul, spirit and character etc - that life isn't all about you.... I have standards I expect my girl to follow, or else! In enforcing the rules, I'm therefore slave to my own standards.... Do I get conflicted (or torn) by that fact? Hell no! I'm a self-confessed control-freak and I absolutely don't beat myself up over things I can't control. Outside, r/l responsibilities are things I can't control. Nor can you or your master. Fighting life is a futile battle that will destroy you internally and make you a sad soul no-one wants to be around. In wanting you to work at least part-time, your master seems aware of that. The hours that control you (work, for eg) will help you appreciate the hours you have for yourself. You shouldn't waste that, let alone treat it as a force tearing you apart...! Focus.

DesFIP -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 5:34:28 PM)
I agree with leadership that you have to be honest sometime. The sooner you'll do it, the sooner you'll discover if he really is the man you think him to be or not. But I might suggest you asking him to help you structure your time so as to get everything done. That way the two of you can brainstorm how to fit everything in. With that said, you don't live with him, you shouldn't be doing all his housework and all your own. There has to be fun time and down time as well. Make sure that goes on your list of things that need to be done.

LPslittleclip -> RE: I feel torn (3/3/2011 10:19:08 PM)
sit down with your Master and discuss things fully and let your Master decide what is best for you. as far as you brother what is your commitment to him and what would he do if you moved out discuss things with him as well you never know how he will react till you ask

porcelaine -> RE: I feel torn (3/4/2011 1:07:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Piccola3x3 I live in my house with my brother as a roommate, I serve my Master at his home on the weekends and some times during the week. I often feel pulled in two different directions, between my responsibilities to my house and my Master. Now I will be going back to work and will have another direction pulling at me. I feel as if I have more than one master and a quote from a movie popped into my head, "can any man serve 2 masters and be loyal to both." I worry about how much all this pulling is going to affect my service to my Master. Greetings, In my opinion your are misinterpreting the authority figures in your life and equating them with your dominant. Where you're finding difficulty is juggling and moving seamlessly between the various hats worn. Your brother is not your master nor is your employer. However, each demands specific contributions based on position or previous agreements entered. The relationship with your dominant includes an element the other two lack - physical intimacy - and it shouldn't be lumped in with the others erroneously. Aside from the obvious input on time management and organization, you should seek his assistance in relating your time with your brother, work, and other activities as a service to him. You may find this attitude is particularly helpful when bouts of laziness, poor attention, or lack of motivation crop up. It can be a handy tool that provides the needed oomph when you're feeling overwhelmed. Your partner took you on with the full understanding of the responsibilities you carried. If he has not expressed displeasure in your behavior or suggested your priorities were misaligned, I wouldn't readily assume that's the case without a heartfelt discussion beforehand. Otherwise you're guesstimating and it may have little merit from his perspective. Best of luck. Namaste, ~porcelaine

OsideGirl -> RE: I feel torn (3/4/2011 7:15:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Piccola3x3 I have only known my Master for a short time How short? Sub frenzy in the first few months tends to put rose colored glasses on everything. Let the frenzy calm down and figure out if you actually like this man before throwing yourself head first into a committed relationship.

honeybadgersub -> RE: I feel torn (3/4/2011 2:49:05 PM)
Every adult I've ever known has felt pulled in more directions than what s/he is comfortable with at one time or another. My job, for example, happens to be an all consuming part of my life that is impossible to leave at the office. However, it also happens to be enormously fulfilling mentally and emotionally. All I can do is listen to ways to balance that intensity and reward with serving and being. What is absolutely necessary in this sort of situation is that you communicate your frustrations and your worries to your Master. If he is reasonable, then he will be able to show you how to (hopefully) achieve a peaceful balance rather than a frantic and constant switching of gears.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: I feel torn (3/5/2011 3:55:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ForeverFree1 IT is called reality which your brain is trying to tell you something..You are the master of your life..These men are users! You might want to slow down a bit. It is starting to look like you are just spamming the boards.

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