LadyNTrainer
Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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An excerpt from what I use as a "slave contract", which isn't really a contract at all.
My desires, expectations, and basic needs as an owner/dominant in a consensual D/s relationship:
1.Honesty and personal transparency. Don’t lie or hide stuff, even if you think it will upset me. You can be tactful in the way you share information, but do not fail to share it. A corollary to this is that if you’re feeling something, or not feeling something, it’s not only okay but expected for you to share that information in a calm, considerate and nonjudgmental way. I will listen in a similar manner and we’ll move forward in a constructive way from there. This principle goes both ways. Second guessing what I want or how I feel doesn’t work. Just ask, and I will always do my best to be honest and personally transparent to you as well.
2.Reliability. If you say you’ll do something or be somewhere, I expect an honest and good faith effort made at doing it or being there. Sometimes life happens, and in that case, the expectation is to let me know as early as possible that whatever I was counting on isn’t going to materialize, so I can change my own plans. Likewise, I will make every reasonable effort to keep my given word to you, and to keep you in the information loop if something has to change.
3.Constructive solutions to issues and problems. If something ever goes wrong, or one of us does something to hurt or annoy the other, we need to communicate honestly and acknowledge the hurt, then move on constructively. We both need to take responsibility for our own feelings and personal triggers rather than blaming the other person or expecting that they should have “just known” something that they were never explicitly told. Communicate problems using “I” language rather than “you” language, and neutrally describing the words or behavior that caused a problem rather than judging or blaming. Eg, “When you did this, it had this outcome for me, and that makes me feel bad. What can we to do avoid this in the future?” The focus stays on negotiating a win-win solution for both partners that actually works.
4.Neither total selfishness nor total selflessness works. All successful relationships are about meeting both partners’ needs. If they don’t work that way, they stop being successful. Speak up if you want or need something. Speak up if you think I want or need something. Speak up if you aren’t comfortable with something. Especially speak up if something causes you concern or makes you feel resentful or doubtful. Communication is critical, as are realistic goals and expectations in a D/s relationship. You can trust that I will always be mindful of your health, general welfare, comfort level, feelings, etc, and listening respectfully to what you communicate about those things.
5.We live in the real world. You are responsible for knowing and clearly communicating what the healthy boundaries are relating to your job, your family, your friends and how you intelligently manage your personal assets. That stuff generally isn’t my business, nor do I want it to be. If it affects me, keep me informed. If you want my advice, ask. If there’s a conflict, the real world wins. If I have you tied to the bed and an emergency call comes in from work, fun time’s over. I want regular time set aside for us to be a high priority in your life, but not to entirely overshadow your social life or all your other interests and activities. What we do must not be allowed to have an overall negative effect on your professional life or your physical and emotional health.
6.Strive to be a good submissive. I expect you to devote a reasonable amount of time, energy and effort to being a pleasing and valuable piece of property. This doesn’t mean you have to spend 24 hours a day on your knees dressed in latex, existing for nothing but to satisfy my every whim. It does mean you will work to grow into a positive mindset of self-improvement and of striving honorably to be worthy of your place as a valued and cherished possession. You should always be thinking of ways to please and serve your owner and to show your appreciation. It is the responsibility of both partners to make the other feel valued, cherished and appreciated. If you don’t know what words or gestures are effective in doing that, ask.
7.You wear my collar. While it can come off if practical circumstances dictate, in general, it shouldn’t. A collar is personally meaningful to me, and also in the BDSM community in general. Play collars are not appropriate, nor is wearing anyone else’s collar. That needs to be made clear to anyone else you may play with, and if you go to an event without me, you should make it obvious that you are collared as a courtesy not just to me, but to other dominants. I am very unlikely to deny you permission to play with someone else, but I must be asked. I prefer they ask me directly if possible, but at times I may give blanket permission for casual play. Your ass belongs to me, and anything going in it is beyond the boundaries of casual play. That permission needs to be specifically asked for by the dominant.
It gets more specific from here, but these are the general starting guidelines that I use that I don't mind sharing.
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Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.
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