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How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 7:52:13 AM   
Silentwoodfire


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		How do you all go about finding the right master/dominant? I am trying to see if I am using the wrong approach in my own search to find a sub/slave so the input would be appreciated.

Thank-you for your time
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 8:01:08 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		For me, I started going to local events. Tried to meet as many Doms as possible to see if there was a connection.

When that didn't work (due to a distinct lack of single male Doms of my age in my area), I moved to online too.

Mostly I browsed the profiles of people local to me. Some approached me, I approached some of them. As I'd made it clear I was looking for an LTR and not a kinky online chat, if the messages quickly turned to 'what are you wearing/what are your kinks', then I made a polite goodbye and moved on.

If their profiles were a turn-off or they looked as if they were jaded, desperate or just plain not choosy, then I moved on.

With the guys I planned on meeting, I chatted online for a while, then on the phone, then I met them. I met quite a few for coffee, but very few had the 'D' that matched my 's'.

After 8 years of looking, I finally found someone who 'fit'.


_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Silentwoodfire)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 8:25:42 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I didn't. He found me. I simply put myself out there with a good profile that would attract the type of man I was looking for and we talked for a long long time, getting to know each other until he asked me to meet him and the rest is history.

Put yourself out there. Make sure you have a well written profile that will attract what you seek. Talk to others. Join the forums. Don't seem desperate or impatient. Stop looking for a Master/Dom and look for a human being.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 8:36:06 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I did much like myotherself did.  I attended events and met lots of Doms.  I met a few through Collarme.  I played with a very few of them only IF I could arrange for a friend to also be present.  At one event I met an out of town Dom who had a great sense of humor.  We kept in contact after the event.  We were able to meet again after the event.  Eventually I moved in with him. 

(in reply to Silentwoodfire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 9:02:19 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i ran into my late M on a vanilla networking site. i had just moved to town and didn't know anyone and wanted to see if i could find any concerts going on so i could get out and mingle. stumbled across him, and wrote him a message.
find someone you can relate to and who you can be comfortable with; someone who makes your cylinders fire in a natural way. the interaction was pretty natural between us from day 1, which he noticed and then talked to me "formally" about power exchange and BDSM.

i've made some friends via the "community," but i haven't found anyone who really activates me. every real-life group isn't the same, or has the same type or "quality" of person. going to parties can be fun, but sometimes groups are so focused on playing that finding something long-term can be pretty hard. same goes for sites like this.

know what you want in a partner, so that you can recognize it when you see it. you might find it here, on some other site, or at the grocery store for that matter. be yourself, express your opinions well, be respectful even though you are a D -- those kinds of things help people see who you are and what you are about.



_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 9:04:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I just read profiles looking for someone who had the same focus as I did. We started talking as friends with no power involved until we were both sure we clicked.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 9:06:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I just read profiles looking for someone who had the same focus as I did. We started talking as friends with no power involved until we were both sure we clicked.

I was looking for a person, not a role.



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 10:28:35 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Silentwoodfire

How do you all go about finding the right master/dominant? I am trying to see if I am using the wrong approach in my own search to find a sub/slave so the input would be appreciated.


Greetings,

Availability is key. There are a lot of people passively looking for a partner that aren't completely open to exploring possibilities. Make sure you don't expend time on this sort. Also, scatter your efforts. If you place your eggs in one basket and depend on the party hailing from that source, you may be very disappointed. The Internet provides an avenue, but it isn't the only one and success is not a guarantee. What you seek may exist in another venue.

Communication is important. I'm of the belief that dating sites can erode ones ability to verbally engage. There's a heavy dependence on having things spelled out for you, assuming its accurate. But that isn't generally how people get involved. It's a period of mutual discovery. It may sound old fashioned, but there's a notable benefit to that approach. And it fosters the notion of getting acquainted with the individual rather than running down a checklist.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Silentwoodfire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 11:06:51 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Carol found me at a work party.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Silentwoodfire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 11:10:55 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I looked for the person who would match me in a relationship context. For me it's really got nothing to do with Domliness of some certain type, just knowing that he is Dominant means we have a commonality in that area that is probably enough to work with. So first before the Dom part I look for the regular things that people look for when they're looking for a partner - the things that say we'd be a good match in general. Personality, values, traits, activities, outlook on life, etc. After all what does D/s matter if I have nothing in common with him as a person?

Edited to add:  Sorry, I should mention that we met here. This is the actual medium that brought us together and I was looking for a partner as I said earlier, not for a Dom per se.

< Message edited by lizi -- 3/6/2011 11:13:27 AM >

(in reply to Silentwoodfire)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 11:38:46 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

I was looking for a person, not a role.


Celeste is right on the money with what she said.  We were friends before we were Dom/sub.  What attracted me to him was his great smile and sense of humor.  He's a happy person.  That he is also a dominant man is an added plus. 

(in reply to Silentwoodfire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 2:23:50 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Um, fella, I have literally no idea what you've already been doing, which you say is not working for you.

That said, your profile won't attract anyone.  It says:

1. You want a slave and it doesn't matter to you if she's married or not (lack of morals).  She must be within driving distance and it doesn't have to be live-in (so you're looking for sessions.  I'm not sure how a slave can serve if it's not live-in...)

2. You want a sub.  Online or in-person, no difference (so, again, it's play and sessions).

3. You say that you don't want anyone to make fun of you.

The basic impression I get is that you just want to play and will play with anything that is female.  You might want to try Alt Friend Finder or Alt for strictly play sessions.

Edited to add:  And your pic... I'd recommend wearing something more confident than a T shirt with Coca Cola shorts.  And I'd recommend a smile.


< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 3/6/2011 2:29:27 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 2:29:27 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I actually went to a non BDSM site to find someone who was interested in getting to know ME as a person - rather than a role to fill that emphasized the role so much that it didn't matter WHO filled it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you find a master/dom? - 3/6/2011 3:06:46 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I actually went to a non BDSM site to find someone who was interested in getting to know ME as a person - rather than a role to fill that emphasized the role so much that it didn't matter WHO filled it.


Good for you! I advocate taking the road less traveled.

It is also worth querying those who have long term satisfying relationships. They understand what it looks like and may have a prospect or two worth meeting.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 14
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