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tiggerspoohbear -> Bump Start (3/6/2011 8:08:37 PM)
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Bump Start
About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight.
I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car.
I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 mph for it to start. She said fine, hoped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.
Optomist's Hunting Dog
Friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion.
One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continually pessimistic way of thinking - the optimist owned a huntin' dog that could walk on water.
His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat.
They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist shot down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?"
The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?
Training Exercise
While practicing autorotations during military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messed up the landing and landed on its tail rotor.
The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
Busy Doctors
More and more doctors are running their practices like assembly lines. One fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.
A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.
He said, "Shingles." The doctor said, "Where?"
He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
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