RE: Fear of your own desires?

RE: Fear of your own desires? (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/9/2011 8:57:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 I was wondering if any Doms/Masters out there have ever run into this situation. Have you ever wanted to whip/beat/torture your submissive but been afraid of letting yourself because you are not yet entirely comfortable with that side of yourself? How did you over-come this and make sure that both of you had your own needs met in the mean time? Have you ever wanted to whip/beat/torture your submissive Yep but been afraid of letting yourself because you are not yet entirely comfortable with that side of yourself? Nope (Self mastery came first)...but it did take some years of soul searching before I was comfortable with the contradiction inherent in hurting ones I love. How did you over-come this Lots n lots of whippings. And then some more. and make sure that both of you had your own needs met in the mean time? Yeah, not to be an ass or anything, but first and foremost I'm worried bout getting my needs met, and for her sakes, she better be too. As for her needs, snickers, what's a slave dare doing with needs? Rather selfish on her part, dontcha think?

porcelaine -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/9/2011 9:42:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Yeah, not to be an ass or anything, but first and foremost I'm worried bout getting my needs met, and for her sakes, she better be too. Nah, you wouldn't. [:D] quote: As for her needs, snickers, what's a slave dare doing with needs? Rather selfish on her part, dontcha think? I'm making a list now that you've inspired me! :) Namaste, ~porcelaine

CherryNeko -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/9/2011 10:49:55 PM)
You're buried in your self-denial. You're restricting yourself so much that you're actually afraid to let go, and live your pleasures like you should. Your desire to torture your sub is just one side of you. There is another side of you, that like takes over and makes you all fluffy and cuddly when the session's over. Only you're not trusting it, you're not taking it into account, you're ignoring it. Say, would you injure her badly? no, of course not; and if you've got a safeword, and she's okay with things, I don't really see a problem. Though... you COULD start the session once you've been beating something for a while, so that you're not all that energetic. He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence. Just saying...

Kana -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/10/2011 8:27:05 AM)
quote: Nah, you wouldn't. [:D] Grins Oh, Hell yes he would.

porcelaine -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/10/2011 2:13:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Grins Oh, Hell yes he would. clicks my tongue Bully! :) Namaste, ~porcelaine

Kana -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 6:08:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Grins Oh, Hell yes he would. Bully! :) Laughs You say that like it's a bad thing!

porcelaine -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 6:20:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Laughs You say that like it's a bad thing! Only in the wrong hands mon frere. [;)] Namaste, ~porcelaine

Kana -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 7:17:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Laughs You say that like it's a bad thing! Only in the wrong hands mon frere. [;)] Namaste, ~porcelaine And whose hands (paws?) could be more wrong than mine?

porcelaine -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 8:36:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana And whose hands (paws?) could be more wrong than mine? Do you really want me to answer that? Namaste, ~porcelaine

sexyred1 -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 10:12:02 AM)
I have never been afraid of my own desires. I have only been afraid of someone else's desires who became unable to distinguish the boundaries between fantasy and reality. I am never worried about my desires because I understand myself very well and I can always come back to reality. I have worried about someone else who lacked the same ability.

rick1283 -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 6:47:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Laughs You say that like it's a bad thing! Only in the wrong hands mon frere. [;)] Namaste, ~porcelaine And whose hands (paws?) could be more wrong than mine? Let me get my claws on it for a bit. Things can always get worse.

porcelaine -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 7:06:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rick1283 Let me get my claws on it for a bit. Things can always get worse. glancing to the right and then the left Oh, am I being shared? Namaste, ~porcelaine

Kana -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/11/2011 11:16:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: rick1283 Let me get my claws on it for a bit. Things can always get worse. glancing to the right and then the left Oh, am I being shared? Namaste, ~porcelaine Chortles "Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you."

porcelaine -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/12/2011 8:31:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Chortles "Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you." grins There's a reason why we get along. Well done. :) Namaste, ~porcelaine

DMFParadox -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/13/2011 12:13:37 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 I was wondering if any Doms/Masters out there have ever run into this situation. Have you ever wanted to whip/beat/torture your submissive but been afraid of letting yourself because you are not yet entirely comfortable with that side of yourself? How did you over-come this and make sure that both of you had your own needs met in the mean time? Yep. Plenty. One thing to note is that whipping is a skill. Damn, does that thing fly everywhere if you don't have your timing down. It is inconvenient to have your girl laughing because you whipped your own leg, and are now puncturing the air with expletives. Again. One thing I'd suggest to get over your fears is to try it from the other side a few times. Get a feel for what doesn't bother you, what hurts, and what hurts, if only so that your mind can form a better picture of what's happening at the end of your ministrations. Most subs are uncomfortable with the idea of their dom ever having done such a thing, though, so make sure yours is on the level if you choose to share such an experience with her.

ricken -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/13/2011 12:08:04 PM)
To share my own feelings on this, My own experience is limited to the woman I am with now, it's been well over a year and when I first started it was at her request. I was sligytly uncomfortable with some issues, not so much the bondage side of things but doing some things that I was taught was abuse like verbal name calling, and slaping and other "forced acts". But after checking sites, ( I want to thank many people on CM for good advice that I read and used) I realized that I CAN do these things to her BECAUSE I respect and care for her. I have no desire to infict any reall pain on her other than what a giving her a red ass causes, or tugging on some clamps, or a few other things I wont get into. Part of the turn on for me, as well as her is that I AM IN CONTROLL of my desires and her well being, if I start to feel like I'm losing controll I would stop with out question. I agree with what CherryNiko wrote I also really do enjoy the after care side of things, making sure she understands she is safe and protected So a direct answer, in the begining MAYBE it was a fear of controlling mu desires, but that is no longer the case.

Jennislut -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/13/2011 3:38:28 PM)
quote: a few other things I wont get into. awwww - even if i say please?

OriginallyFromLA -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/22/2011 4:54:15 PM)
I should have just aded to this thread instead of posting my own. The topic of this thread is the crux of my own issues. Being so afraid to show someone I'm interested in the part I keep locked down, for their own safety, that I end up coming of like a big pussy and alienate them before I can get anything started.. Where's the integration thread?

ThundersCry -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/22/2011 5:59:46 PM)
Well...to say my sadistic side did not scare me at one time would be a...lie. I am very aware of it more than ever now...though there are times I have to keep it under control...-L- Darn...

Awareness -> RE: Fear of your own desires? (3/22/2011 11:39:16 PM)
No. Mostly because my limits are a lot narrower than those of most others. This is partially because my definition of harm extends beyond the physical into areas of psychological health. To my mind, the extreme ends of kink correlate very closely with mental illness. As such, were I to become aware of the desire to torture within myself, I would have severe questions about my own state. If a sub desired to be tortured I would have severe concerns about her mental health. At this point in time, I'm unable to see such desires as anything other than moderate to severe dysfunction that is often repressed and kept inside the individual's own personal heart of darkness. Someone earlier described the transition to seeing their sub as purely an experiment which sounds to me like a descent into sociopathy. Much of this is based upon my own awareness of what drives many people to seek dominion and power. And it's usually the lack of such in their own lives and over themselves. Thus, those without dominance seek power over others. Those without control, seek to control another. And those who desire to torture, should never be trusted with the capacity to do so. Weak people indulging their heart of darkness is how thrill-killing occurs. Strong, complete individuals have no need to see fear or pain reflected in another's eyes. Paradoxically, if an individual needs to dominate another, then effectively they're a slave to their own desires. That would seem counter-intuitive, except the fact that one desires to dominate does not actually make one dominant. There appears to be much confusion over this point.

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