Help me please :) (Full Version)

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ColinIndo -> Help me please :) (3/8/2011 9:37:25 AM)

Hello All,
I stumbled on this site today and I hope it can help me.
I am a poor wretch of 48 years, currently living and working in Africa. I come from Scotland however, and regularly travel to the UK, so location is not an issue for me. I have also been married to an Indonesian lady for the last 10 years or so, but sadly to say, she is blissfully unaware of my desired lifestyle.
Some time ago I met a Transsexual by accident when I was in Singapore on business, and it blew my mind. She was extremely dominant, even considering that I knew nothing of BDSM or Transsexuals.
Now I am completely unsure of what I want from life. I made another relationship with a Transsexual in SE Asia following that first experience, and it lasted for some months. I enjoyed every minute of it. She was into sissification, and so dominant (including strapon ...why does a TS need strapon lol??) that I wasn't allowed to cum for about a month :)
Anyone else out there have some similar experiences and are similarly screwed up about what to do? I really want to make this work before I get too much older and don't have enough energy left, so please offer me any advice you can.
Thanks a lot, and apologies if I upset anyone with my rantings here ...I only want advice, so please keep negative comments to yourself :)
I would also be happy to start out with some online stuff if you think that would help me going forward. Then I would like to eventually meet someone who could give me exactly what I need. Also happy to call and email, so everything is open to help me getting the relationship I want. I would also like to share this news with my wife eventually, but it is such a big step (30 years as a straight heterosexual is hard to walk away from!), that I don't really know where to start!

Take care All,
Colin.



Phoenixpower -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 9:41:24 AM)

*taking a seat*waiting for steven* [sm=popcorn.gif]



rick1283 -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 10:07:23 AM)

*sits next to phoenix and watches* pass the popcorn?



kissheels -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 10:10:04 AM)

*also sits next to the Others, holding a huge bag of chips and a bowl of dip.



VideoAdminTheta -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 10:23:29 AM)

Please keep in mind that Introductions is a place that we welcome new members.

Thank you



Phoenixpower -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 10:40:22 AM)

*passes popcorn to rick*



Phoenixpower -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 10:42:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminTheta

Please keep in mind that Introductions is a place that we welcome new members.

Thank you


oooooooooooooooooookkkkeeeyyyyyy

*passes some popcorn to the OP*



ColinIndo -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 11:40:13 AM)

I guess I knew this would happen ...i only asked folks :)
I genuinely want some help here.
If you're gonna jump on the bandwagon that takes the piss, then good feckin luck to you, you are obviously not what I need
have fun :)
Colin.



hlen5 -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 11:43:13 AM)

Welcome to CM. If you are wondering about the reception you are getting, doing WIIWD (what it is we do) and hiding it from your spouse is very heavily frowned upon. You're starting out on the wrong foot in a big way.


ETA (Edited to add): Didn't you change your profile a lot since you posted your intro here?
If I'm not mixing you up, you were originally looking for chat friends only weren't you?



ColinIndo -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 11:46:01 AM)

Thanks for the comments hlen5
I am not hiding anything from her ...just don't know how to tell her.
I appreciate the nice reply.
Colin



hlen5 -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 11:48:02 AM)

You're welcome. In your post here you said you have already gone behind her back. Big mistake with most of the other posters.


ETA: Your profile states you're in Indonesia. So which is it, Africa or Indonesia??

^^I came back to underline this because I don't think you saw it.^^



ColinIndo -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 11:51:30 AM)

Okay accepted ...I guess i was driven by passion.
I just don't know what to do now, so spend my feckin life on the internet, which doesn't give me much satisfaction ;)
I worship my wife, which makes it all the harder to deal with this.
Colin.



January -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 11:57:33 AM)

quote:

I genuinely want some help here.


Hi Colin,

Welcome to collarme.

You might want to look at the profiles on the other side and recognize that you are one of thousands of people who are also looking. Havin' a little hissy fit because we don't jump up and provide you with the relationship you want, is silly. The fact that you recognize you have needs is a good step, but it isn't the only one you'll need to take. Self-awareness, and then responsibility to your mate is another step. Then comes making yourself look attractive to your potential new mate.

January



angelikaJ -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 12:01:01 PM)

Leaving the married/cheating aside (because someone else is bound to bring it up) as well as gender politics, do you know which part of it draws you the most?
Being involved in a power exchange BDSM dynamic or being involved with a different gender (as you perceive it)?

Are they entwined or separate?

Have you ever tried a similar dynamic with a woman who was "born biologically female"?

I feel I should mention that "Trans" covers a wide spectrum (Transgendered vs Transvestite for example) and it is very possible that one or both of the "transexuals" you've been exploring with see themselves as women regardless of what their equipment might be. The fact that you may view them as men doesn't change that. If that is the case then through their eyes, you are still a "straight heterosexual", even though through yours, you are now in a different category.



OttersSwim -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 12:04:33 PM)

Hello Colin and Welcome to CollarMe.

So you have discovered a life of kinky fun.  That's great!  It can be fun, exciting, and very rewarding...but it can also be quite destructive depending on your choices. 

We can't always control where we are in life when we find this lifestyle.  But we can control what we choose to do about it once we discover it and understand that it is something we want to be part of.

You asked for help. 

Sometimes the best help we can give people is to help them understand the consequences of their choices.  Honestly, as Hlen has said, people here are going to hit you pretty hard on the fact that you are cheating on your wife.  Even given the variances of geography and culture, it is pretty likely that your wife would be hurt by what you have revealed to us...and it is also likely that she will not be terribly endeared to your desires as they were used a the vehicle to cheat on her.

It is a terribly hard situation and I feel for you to have to navigate this difficulty.  But you have made those choices already.

So going forward...I think it important that you understand that most of the "lifestyle" people you might encounter - at least in the Western world, are going to consider honesty and integrity a key factor in how they integrate BDSM into their life - and how and who they interact with.  So if this is something you want in your life, then coming to a place of integrity and honesty around it could be important in order to have any interactions with others.

If this is something you want in your life, then in my opinion, your wife needs to be your first stop and you and she need to have a very long, very heartfelt talk - and it is going to be among the most difficult things you will have ever done in your life...but it is essential.  If this is as important to you as you seem to indicate, and it is something you feel you genuinely need in your life, then my advice would be to do it in such a way that you are not constantly looking over your shoulder, nor hurting anyone by action or omission.

Good luck to you.



ColinIndo -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 12:07:13 PM)

Wow angelikaj, fantastic response!
I really don't know. I have previously always been heterosexual, but this new experience has left me confused.
I think I would love to remain hetro, but then that will have to depend on what my partner has to offer.
I think if I have someone who is in total control of me then it doesn't matter what sex she or he is. I just need some control in my life, and that is not just for sexual pleasure, that is for full lifestyle.
Hope this helps :)
colin xxx



ColinIndo -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 12:10:37 PM)

Thanks OttersSwim for the really helpful reply ...I will have a damn good think about that :)
Colin :)



ashjor911 -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 12:23:34 PM)

Dear Colin,
I welcome you to CM
& wish you luck in your life
however,
for the advise i think i can not help you, you need someone more older more wiser than me.
Have a great day
Enjoy CM



ColinIndo -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 12:26:32 PM)

ashjor11 ...i wish you well in your life ...have fun :)



Delilya -> RE: Help me please :) (3/8/2011 1:12:42 PM)

Best of luck to you.



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