Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (Full Version)

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tiggerspoohbear -> Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/9/2011 2:22:59 AM)

Forget Rednecks...  

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy had to say about Canadians during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor:  



If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May,
you may live in Canada.


If someone in a Home Depot store
offers you assistance and they don't work there,
you may live in Canada.


If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
you may live in Canada.


If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
with someone who dialed a wrong number,
you may live in Canada.


If 'Vacation' means going anywhere
south of Detroit for the weekend,
you may live in Canada.


If you measure distance in hours,
you may live in Canada.


If you know several people
who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada.


If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
in the same day and back again,
you may live in Canada.


If you can drive 90 km/hr through two feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without flinching,
you may live in Canada.


If you install security lights on your house and garage,
but leave both unlocked,
you may live in Canada.


If you carry jumper cables in your car
and your wife knows how to use them,
you may live in Canada.


If you design your kid's Halloween costume
to fit over a snowsuit,
you may live in Canada.


If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --
you're going 95 and everybody is passing you,
you may live in Canada.


If driving is better in the winter
because the potholes are filled with snow,
you may live in Canada.


If you know all four seasons:
almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
you may live in Canada.   

(this is my favourite, because how true)


If you have more miles
on your snow blower than your car,
you may live in Canada.


If you  find -2 degrees 'a little chilly,'
you may live in Canada.


If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward them to all
your friends,

you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.



Charles6682 -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/9/2011 2:27:16 AM)

That is funny,EH!!



kissheels -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/12/2011 2:36:53 AM)

quote:

If you can drive 90 km/hr through two feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without flinching,
you may live in Canada.



SO TRUE!!!



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/13/2011 12:03:55 AM)

This story is 100% true except for the bits I make up.

So my mother moved from Toronto to a town near Philadelphia when she was a teenager.  She met and fell in love with my father.  Then she married him.

In those days you couldn't have a dual citizenship.  In 1978 she became an American citizen in order to move with my father and all her children to <location redacted due to NSA services.  You are welcome citizen>

Anyhow, fast forward about 30-some years.

In April of 2009 my pal told me about his plan: He was moving to Canada to become a citizen there.  He explained his whole plan, his move, the laws allowing him to eventually become a Canadian citizen, the whole nine yards.

On Monday I helped him pack his truck.  On Tuesday I saw him off.  On Wednesday he called to say he arrived.  On Thursday i woke up a Canadian citizen.

It turns out that they passed Bill C-37 _that_ day.  And that's the story of how I became a Canadian citizen.



softweregurl -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/16/2011 8:00:40 PM)

roflmao, but....
A subset of those is from the "You know your a redneck/hillbilly/county folk/small town of [insert town name]" stock list.

However,....here's one to add to the list.

You know your a(n) [insert word here] when after dinner and dessert, your real dessert is cold bread and gravy left over from dinner.



Tantriqu -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/16/2011 8:30:09 PM)

I totally measure distance in hours. I also give directions by compass-points: north-northwest, etc.
I will tell you which Oscar- and Nobel winners are Canucks, and that Edison bought the patent for the lightbulb from two poor Canadian inventors.
My Hallowe'en costumes totally fit over parkas, and I don't wear a hat until it's <-25'C.
I offer assistance in Home Hardware.
Anything below the 49th parallel IS south.
And the further I am from home, the more I say 'eh'.

I.
Am.
Canadian.



kissheels -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 1:12:44 AM)

I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarettes across the border
I don't eat Pepsi and May West for breakfast (*)
I don't watch da hockey game doing it doggie-style
And no, I don't know Claude, Manon, or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue (*)
But I'm sure they all have nice teeth

I smoke in church
I speak Québecois in joual, not French or English
I pronounce it "tird", not third
And eating French fries with cheese makes sense, mon ostie,
I believe in a distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it
And, calisse, I believe that Club Super-Sex is an appropriate place
for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire
What the hell, she goes on at ten anyway

In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than
Halley's comet
I can get beer at the dépanneur, not the convenience store
And maybe I can't turn right on a red light
But tabarnak, I can go right through it
Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup
The home of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine
The land where everybody is shacking up and the legal drinking age is
just a suggestion




tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 6:46:24 AM)

I know people who speak joual criss, I can speak it myself depending where I am.
Tabarnak, ostie and calisse are regular words in my speech when I'm really pissed off, or not [;)]
My hand gestures are part of the language
I speak Franglais with the best of em, and they understand me perfectly well.
And tabarnak d'ostie d'calisse I'm Canadienne Francaise, NOT Quebecoise.
And maudite marde, there is a difference.
Calvert, d'enfant d'chienne de  verra, 'chale moais pas st-sacrament. 




domiguy -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 11:14:42 AM)

I hope jeff foxworthy catches the aids.



sirsholly -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 1:21:46 PM)

Damn...every one of those also applies to Pennsylvania



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 4:36:17 PM)

Does that mean I'm not Canadian anymore but American?  Cuz if that's the case, I want rid of the passport and allowed to move somewhere warm without a hassle! [:D]



Tantriqu -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 5:01:08 PM)

Lol, I just had to explain 'ostie to a colleague: they'd heard of 'tabernak' but not the other sacres.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/17/2011 5:09:20 PM)

"ostie" otherwise pronounced as "estsie".  As in estsie d'calice de tabarnak.  The triumvirate of my mum rolling over in her grave, along with assorted older relatives who were so Catholic it wasn't even funny.  Now I know why I prefer my dad's side of the family, they're a lot more fun. [;)]



heartcream -> RE: Jeff Foxworthy You know you're Canadian if... (3/18/2011 3:55:58 AM)

These sorts of jokey things are somewhat annoying and creepy. I was born in Canada but do not relate to most of the statements in the OP. I think it is a stupid article. Not funny really, just sort of stupid.



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