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Equal slaves - 5/5/2006 6:31:46 PM   
urantiam


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		Hello again!

As of July, I will be serving Mistress Cynthia, who is known as collarworthy here on collarme. My Mistress was mad with me yesterday, because she said that she wanted me to be her alpha slave and I replied that: " Alpha slaves don't exist".

Mistress Cynthia is in the process of creating a Harem and she wants me to be part of it. I have no experience in this lifestyle, nor have I ever been part of a harem before. But I am asking members with experience in these uncommon relationships, do the slaves of a Harem must be equal or is there such a thing as an alpha slave?

Won't there be jealousy if one slave is treated more special than the others?

How do we make this work without hurting the feelings of the slaves?

If my Mistress wants me the be leading slave, I will. I must obey her, but does this function in real life?

Urantiam
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Equal slaves - 5/5/2006 6:42:33 PM   
torsionman


Posts: 74
Joined: 7/28/2004
Status: offline 		The only time it has to function is while the subs/slaves serve together. As an Alpha I serve more as an assistant to Her while the others serve Her. I have no room for jealousy and do Her bidding willingly. It all depends on how you will handle your duties as an Alpha, your feelings for Her. Her pleasure, satisfaction and word comes first. I'm happy to see it happening no matter who is actually serving Her at any one moment.
                                                                        torsionman

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Equal slaves - 5/5/2006 6:44:13 PM   
Kidless


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I guess you'll just have to make her happy-it's her thing you are buying into. Don't play if you can't hack it.

< Message edited by Kidless -- 5/5/2006 6:46:33 PM >

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Equal slaves - 5/5/2006 6:46:35 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Won't there be jealousy if one slave is treated more special than the others?

Being an 'alpha' slave does not mean that one is treated differently.  
quote:

  How do we make this work without hurting the feelings of the slaves?



By using an excellent tool called COMMUNICATION.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 4:59:22 PM   
urantiam


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the information. I really love my Mistress and really want her to have the Harem she dreams of. 

(in reply to Tikkiee)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 5:14:56 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		I hope it all goes well for you.  As Tikkee said, communication, communication, communication.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 6:20:00 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

I hope it all goes well for you.  As Tikkee said, communication, communication, communication.

Cin


But Cin, what about communication??

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 6:36:09 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Ah, you are just starting out and you are all ready considering getting into a harem of slaves? Don't you think you might be going a bit fast?

Whenever we are in relationships they are relationships first and foremost -- that means we each have to get positives from them and, more importantly for BDSM I think, we have to agree on what we are doing.

If you don't think you can handle or that you do not desire to be in a hierarchy of slaves then it will likely not work well for you because in order to be the alpha you'd need two things: confidence and experience. You're just getting started so I'd say you lack experience. Can you be confident in the role if you yourself don't believe in said role?

All this said, in a harem style arrangement you will probably have a hierarchy so that things run a bit more smoothly -- it is unlikely the master or mistress will have the time or desire to be there micromanaing everyone and may want to leave someone "in charge" or at least with more responsiblity for getting anything done that needs to be done. Think about, wouldn't "harem style" mean "like a harem" and harems in historical terms and current ones in the middle east have a chief wife and then lower wives and slaves in the ranks.

If every slave or submissive were equal, I'd personally consider that a household instead of a harem, maybe a family depending on the affection level of everyone. But this is just me.

Overall, urantiam, I'd get more experience before joining a harem especially as anyone's alpha.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 7:54:10 PM   
urantiam


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		THETAMMYJO

Thank you for your advice. It is true I have no experience in this Harem functioning and that is why I have asked professional advice. The only thing I am sure of right now, is that I truly love this woman and I want to dedicate my life to serving her.

Her pleasure and happiness is the only thing that matters to me now. I am even ready to die for this woman. I have no more needs of my own. I totally surrender

mind,soul and body to her

urantiam

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 8:21:23 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		OK maybe just because I'm slow today I'm missing a few pieces. In the Switch section you wanted to know if a mistress that has sex with others makes you switch and were told no you should be looking for cockhold relationship. In another thread you're once again discussing how to deal with your mistress being serviced (sorry couldn't come up with a better word) by DOMS of all things and you're wondering if they will think less of HER for having you. There you admitted to never having met this woman and moving across country within 60 days. Now you're looking for how to set up HER HAREM?!?! I'm all for jumping into the deep end of the pool but geeze honey grab a life jacket this ship has titanic written all over it. There are threads...LOTS of them about male doms taking on newbie girls and then immediately having them seek out sisters in service. I think you need to go have a look at how those situations turned out. This one has trouble written all over it and in the long run never having met this person I'm concerned that you're going to find out this is really a dom...read DUDE having a good giggle at your expense.On the net pics don't necessarily mean it's her...I can send you pics of claudia shiffer but that doesn't make me her except in your fertile newbie imagination.
You might check out people that are local, dip your toe in maybe splash in the shallow end till you learn a little bit. You're so far over your head with this I think even an experienced sub should be worried.

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 8:23:01 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		The last thing you need to do is commit yourself completely to someone you've never met face to face.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 8:27:47 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		There is no such thing as equal, bear that in mind.  Many things come into play... who has been with them longer, that often lends to an intimacy that the new slave will never be able 'compete' with (mind you you are not supposed to be competing.. just pleasing).  Many factors lead to the fact that .. no matter how much the Dom/me may wish it to be otherwise, there is no equal.. there may not be a superior inferior, but there will also never be equals.

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 8:51:28 PM   
Veryfewcan


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline 		Alpha...in it's own definition is but the first word in an old language. There is no such thing as equal. It is not in the nature of humanity. For the lifestyle, an alpha slave is the number one. All others are considered under him. This is a poly lifestyle, that takes alot of work, to make it work.
Good Luck on that.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 8:57:57 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



As of July, I will be serving Mistress Cynthia, who is known as collarworthy here on collarme.


What is collarworthy and how does one get to be collarworthy by collarme standards? What are the standards?

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 9:09:17 PM   
Veryfewcan


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline 		Good question?????

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 9:21:54 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Ah, nevermind. I didn't realize 'collarworthy' was her screenname. ::chuckles::

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Veryfewcan)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 9:30:54 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Won't there be jealousy if one slave is treated more special than the others?


I suggest you read the Polyamorous Lifestyles forums and also search the word "jealousy" for threads on that topic.

Also i strongly agree with those who said you need to meet your mistress before moving in with her and becoming part of her harem.


_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 9:43:16 PM   
apb


Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: urantiam

Hello again!

As of July, I will be serving Mistress Cynthia, who is known as collarworthy here on collarme. My Mistress was mad with me yesterday, because she said that she wanted me to be her alpha slave and I replied that: " Alpha slaves don't exist".

Mistress Cynthia is in the process of creating a Harem and she wants me to be part of it. I have no experience in this lifestyle, nor have I ever been part of a harem before. But I am asking members with experience in these uncommon relationships, do the slaves of a Harem must be equal or is there such a thing as an alpha slave?

Won't there be jealousy if one slave is treated more special than the others?

How do we make this work without hurting the feelings of the slaves?

If my Mistress wants me the be leading slave, I will. I must obey her, but does this function in real life?

Urantiam


Hello there -

Well, I have to say that I agree with the comments here warning you to slow down a bit.  It does seem rather as though you are going a little fast ...  I got in to the lifestyle quickly, but the difference with me was that I did meet my first Dom/Domme, and my lover/fiancee/Domme in real life.  So I knew what I was getting in to ... it worries me that you have no experience and yet are about to jump in to a full time situation.

As far as the Alpha sub situation ... that is definitely something that happens.  Not all subs are equal.  I seem to naturally assume the alpha sub role, especially when it comes to taking care of male subs.  I actually enjoy it, and have been trusted to guide and teach other subs ... also have been left in charge of subs.  But, again, I believe that is because I have taken the time to learn the role of the sub.  I am not sure how you can assume the role of alpha sub with no experience.

Just my humble opinion and I am always up for discussion and sharing of experiences ...


_____________________________

~ apb

"This is who I am - you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me 'cos I'm never gonna' stop."
~ Madonna

(in reply to urantiam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Equal slaves - 5/7/2006 9:44:24 PM   
FootQueen


Posts: 241
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Ah, nevermind. I didn't realize 'collarworthy' was her screenname. ::chuckles::

*giggling* don't feel bad, you weren't the only one who was wondering what you actually said...*giggling*

_____________________________

Don`t engage in a relationship if there is no trust, for without trust there really is no relationship!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 19
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