truesub4u
Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
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It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a
high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for
those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet, "which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before
the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense
of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked
with a P); and the solutions recorded (marked
with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last .............
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel
sound! s like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
_____________________________
Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.
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