RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory?

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RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/13/2011 11:22:11 PM

ElanSubdued

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seekingOwnertoo,

I appreciate the feedback you've been given and the various cases made for poly and, I suppose, to call a spade a spade, the cases made against monogamy. In terms of logistics (spreading getting needs met over more than one person, multiple incomes, multiple partners to keep one warm, etc.), I get it and, on a logical level, I agree with the principles. I don't, for example, limit the number of deep friendships I have. Actually, for accurate representation, it's fair to say I *do* limit the number of deep friendships I have because there are only so many people I wish to share with on that level and who I wish to know about me on that level. At any rate, for the purpose of this discussion I'll take the general case - no limit to the number of friendships a person makes. I think polyamorous and monogamous people are fairly in sync in this regard.

Here's where I get to a BIG kink in all this. I *am not* polyamorous. It's that simple. I've considered it and I've experimented a bit. Now I know, from talking to people who've gone from monogamy into poly that the change doesn't happen overnight. It's a slow process that takes lots of reflection and communication with oneself and with partners. Okay. Fine. But when I go down this path, it doesn't feel right for me and I have no desire to go further. It's as simple as: I *do not* wish to share my intimate partner with other partners, and I don't wish to share the privacy of my intimate relationship with other people, excepting my partner. I'm flexible in that non-sexual play with others can be negotiated. And, in some cases, even sexual play can be negotiated, but that's not what I want the focus of my relationship to be. I ain't gonna' sugarcoat this and I won't bend due to what seems like a shortage of monogamous, dominant women. I'd rather be single than court someone in a way that doesn't feel right for me.

So, my point in contributing is... consider what is right for you. This isn't a logical debate and it's not one of statistics of the supply and demand ilk. You can't force yourself to be something you're not. If the idea is compelling to you or you're at least interested enough to experiment, I support that. But, I think it's a mistake to go into poly thinking "well, I can't find a monogamous domme which is what I really want so poly will have to do". Such an approach, on my radar, registers much trouble and unhappiness down the line.

Hopefully, I'm not raining on your thread as this isn't my intent. :-)

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 3/13/2011 11:25:16 PM >

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RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/14/2011 1:09:06 AM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
you're seeking the perfect woman?

You got me! I had to try.

M

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"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

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RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/14/2011 1:27:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Perfect woman? Fuck that. I'm not perfect in any freaking way and anybody who tries to tell you that is full of shit.

I'm just Me. Thank the stars the men in My life find Me redeeming.

Why? Hell, I don't know. Both of them chose this path for My sake. Deep down, they did it for Me. That's really pretty awesome when you think about it. I can't tell you why. I'm just really grateful that it is.

Do that. Find the chick out there who you love so much that you understand that other men love her, too. That in your eyes the sun rises and sets on her happiness. When she smiles, it lights up your world. Love her like that, from a place that exists in your soul.

That's the answer, hon. It's not the situation. It's the woman.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/14/2011 1:28:32 AM >

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RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/14/2011 2:38:25 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Perfect woman? Fuck that. I'm not perfect in any freaking way and anybody who tries to tell you that is full of shit.

I'm just Me. Thank the stars the men in My life find Me redeeming.

Why? Hell, I don't know. Both of them chose this path for My sake. Deep down, they did it for Me. That's really pretty awesome when you think about it. I can't tell you why. I'm just really grateful that it is.

Do that. Find the chick out there who you love so much that you understand that other men love her, too. That in your eyes the sun rises and sets on her happiness. When she smiles, it lights up your world. Love her like that, from a place that exists in your soul.

That's the answer, hon. It's not the situation. It's the woman.

I understand and agree with you completely LadyPact. Indeed, when coupled with the right submissive, it seems the earth does move, and the angels do sing. None of that has to do with human perfection, I understand.

Indeed, perfection is

quote:

Find the chick out there who you love so much that you understand that other men love her, too. That in your eyes the sun rises and sets on her happiness. When she smiles, it lights up your world. Love her like that, from a place that exists in your soul.

It becomes surreal, when one has not had this experience for a while; there is the fear, it may never happen again. After all, how many times can one sabotage a great possibility, or fail to recognize the potential for a great connection? I trust I see it, and recognize it when I see it, or all this introspection will have been for naught.

M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 3/14/2011 2:42:30 AM >

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RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/14/2011 8:13:29 AM

LadyNTrainer

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Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued
I appreciate the feedback you've been given and the various cases made for poly and, I suppose, to call a spade a spade, the cases made against monogamy.

Whoa there. As enthusiastic as I am about poly *for me*, I am very definitely not attempting to make a case against monogamy as a healthy and sustainable relationship model or a valid choice. I am also enthusiastic about liking men, but that emphatically doesn't mean I am making a case against being lesbian.

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RE: Dear Mistress - are You wanting Polyamory? - 3/15/2011 11:36:20 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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LadyNTrainer,

quote:

Whoa there. As enthusiastic as I am about poly *for me*, I am very definitely not attempting to make a case against monogamy as a healthy and sustainable relationship model or a valid choice. I am also enthusiastic about liking men, but that emphatically doesn't mean I am making a case against being lesbian.

Clarification. My post wasn't meant to paraphrase your choices or position. I believe it was SylvereApLeanan (and possibly a few others) who made eloquent, well-reasoned cases for poly and, in so doing, illuminated myths and problems with the monogamous model. This is what I was referring to and it does seem reasonable to identify these statements as cases against (or possible negatives of) monogamy. That's all I was meaning to say.

Elan.

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