Collaring... (Full Version)

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KinkyCplStl -> Collaring... (3/14/2011 4:40:45 PM)

I met a Dominant man on here last June...everything has been going pretty well, I have been living with him and serving as somewhat of a daughter sub. He has talked about collaring me since sometime last year and I have just been too nervous. I love everything about him and want to make him happy, I'm just scared of the formal commitment. It's very special to him and I just feel like it'll make things different.

Am I reading too much into it or is it normal to be this scared so far into things?

I'm still very young, we started our relationship on my eighteenth birthday...so maybe that's why I'm letting something seemingly small freak me out?

I'd just like opinions...this is our couple profile, I normally write from my profile but I'm hoping to get some advice before he figures out I'm thinking about it again.

Thanks in advance :)



TheShrew -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 4:55:20 PM)

You should be nervous in that anticipatory kind of way, if this is the relationship you wish to commit to.
It concerns me that you said "It's very special to him." It should be the same for you. Perhaps, you should just walk over to him and have a seat then speak to him what you've just typed here. Communicate,communicate, communicate.

Also, I think it's not the best train of thought or course of action for you to seek out the advice of anyone .. before him.. in hopes of receiving ANY other opinion.. before he figures out what you're thinking. And while I think it's normal to have bouts of wonder and uncertainty but for this most part, if all is well, this "far into things" you should have a fairly high level of confidence and security.

Collaring should not be veiwed as a "seemingly small thing." In some BDSM circles a collaring ceremony is little different than a marriage ceremony. The symbolism and level of commitment is no less. {And, to tell you the absolute truth, I've known BDSM'rs whose vows have lasted longer than my married friends who have since divorced.}

 Perhaps, you should do a bit of soul searching, and a lot of talking before making any commitments.
Anyway.. someone much more knowledgable than me will be along any moment to give you better advice. Best of luck.



Arpig -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 5:07:34 PM)

You don't want my input on this topic. Relax and enjoy the ride.



DesFIP -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 5:12:37 PM)

Talk to him about how you think it will change things and resolve the problems first. It appears you may have different definitions of what collared means, why not find out if that's true or not? I refused his collar when he first offered it because we were then LDR, once he explained to me how he saw it working, I accepted it.

Better to find out ahead of time that you have a conflict rather than later.



Jennislut -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 5:38:01 PM)

quote:

You don't want my input on this topic.
i dont know about anybody else, but i do



leadership527 -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 5:53:55 PM)

My opinion?

I see nothing wrong with the collaring itself. The real question is "What does that collar mean?" If it means "You are giving yourself to another human being totally and completely and without limit or boundary for the rest of your life" then I think you're fears are well founded. If it means, "I'm in a D/s relationship with a guy and we'll see where it goes over time." then I see no reason to be afraid.



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 6:33:12 PM)

You should not go through with it.  The reason is simple, but when you see dashing people on this site and maybe others (MAYBE, not likely, but a big maybe) you will say to yourself, "I certainly wish I had held off!"



kissheels -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 6:52:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennislut

quote:

You don't want my input on this topic.
i dont know about anybody else, but i do


Curious as well bout Your input



lizi -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 6:54:59 PM)

I don't see anything wrong with being cautious and waiting till you feel more comfortable about it. It's supposed to be something you both want, if it's one sided then it kind of lacks meaning.

In my relationship I am the one who tends to hang back and think things over longer and harder. My Dom knows what he wants and doesn't sweat things like I do - things come more slowly to me. He knew he wanted to collar me early on, I wasn't so sure. When we ended up doing it I was ready, by that time I didnt feel rushed into it.

It should not be a casual thing, take your time to think it through until you are sure one way or the other. How can he fault you or you fault yourself for being respectful and taking it seriously?



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 7:27:48 PM)

if you don't feel the significance of it, it would be pretty hard to feel any seriousness about honoring the commitment. you should talk your concerns over with your Dom and if he understands your misgivings, and your worries that it'll "change things," he may be more inclined to wait, too. i don't think pushing it back would be bad at all.

also take a little bit of time and explore why you're having the misgivings in the first place. do you have a journal? that might be a good place to go digging and find the reasons. are you afraid of commitment because you think the relationship won't last? what changes are you concerned about?



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 7:30:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkyCplStl

I met a Dominant man on here last June...everything has been going pretty well, I have been living with him... He has talked about collaring me... I love everything about him... I'm just scared of the formal commitment.



Y'all have known each other for 8 months... you're already living together... and things are going well.  Guess what... you've already made a "formal commitment" -- the collar will only symbolize your existing "commitement".  In short, nothing will change, other than you'll have something pretty around your neck to play with.  You're his sub, not his prisoner... and if at any time you want out, you can always leave. 

My Best!!!! [:)]



Arpig -> RE: Collaring... (3/14/2011 7:50:25 PM)

quote:

i dont know about anybody else, but i do

quote:

Curious as well bout Your input
I think "collaring" is a silly waste of time...see told you my opinion wouldn't be welcome.



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Collaring... (3/16/2011 11:04:06 PM)

No.

My reasons for saying so are different from Arpig's though.

Ask me in a few hours and I can elucidate my reasoning.  My gut feeling is that a solid "No" is the answer you should give.



IronBear -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 12:35:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

i dont know about anybody else, but i do

quote:

Curious as well bout Your input
I think "collaring" is a silly waste of time...see told you my opinion wouldn't be welcome.


Now take two asprin (or willow bark) and half a bottle of JD to cure the after effects.... All additional pennies should be places in Apig's collection box..



sirssubk2008 -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 8:35:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

i dont know about anybody else, but i do

quote:

Curious as well bout Your input
I think "collaring" is a silly waste of time...see told you my opinion wouldn't be welcome.


Arpig, just because your opinion is different than others, doesn't mean that we don't want to hear it. I had never heard of 'collaring' until I meant a Dom friend a couple of years ago. I'm still not sure that I understand the necessity of it, but I look at it as something that each person decides on their own.




IronBear -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 8:50:46 AM)

Put it this way, when you own a dog (no I am not calling the sub/slave population dogs) you place a collar about it's neck for several reason, perhaps you add ownership tags so if wee doggy gets lost or mislaid a finder (if honest) can contact you to tell you the finder has you pet and to collect any reward. here you'd also add the local counsel registration tags. You may also add a tag with the microchip numbers on it to make a vet's or pound's job easier if the dog comes in as a stray and was missing ownership details. Of course you attach a leash to the collar when desiring to walk the dog. if needs be you can also clip a restraining chain on the collar if gates etc are open for a while or if you need to restrict the pet from having free roaming rights. 

Other than the pound or vet, pretty much the same reasons apply to a slave collar. Mind you it may be preferred to tether the slave by her ankle and the chain reaches sufficiently to allow her to potty during the night without the requirement of awakening her. I like to walk a slave on a leash in public though.. Possibly her leash in one hand and the Malamuts's in the other.. Although both our snow dogs believe leashes are their personal property.

On another note, and this is very personal, I prefer to hand craft a collar for a specific girl and thus it becomes not just her symbol of her submission to me, but a display of my affection and love for her too.. The collar states in a loud voice to all kingsters that she is MINE..



sirssubk2008 -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 9:14:00 AM)

I would think that hearing her voice that she is yours, loud and clear to anyone and everyone would be more valuable than a collar, (just my opinion) however, I do admit to still being new to the lifestyle and without any experience in many of the different areas. I do like the idea however that you take the time to make your own collar and understand your reasoning behind it, but then I'm one of those people that enjoys handmade gifts much more than anything store bought.



masternoname -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 9:42:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

i dont know about anybody else, but i do

quote:

Curious as well bout Your input
I think "collaring" is a silly waste of time...see told you my opinion wouldn't be welcome.


As far as I am concerned it is always welcome, whether you agree with me or not. in this case you do



Arpig -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 9:50:38 AM)

quote:

Arpig, just because your opinion is different than others, doesn't mean that we don't want to hear it. I had never heard of 'collaring' until I meant a Dom friend a couple of years ago. I'm still not sure that I understand the necessity of it, but I look at it as something that each person decides on their own.
The thread isn't about collaring per se, but rather if doing it will change her relationship. The OP clearly considers collaring something important, and thus this is not the thread to go into why I feel differently. To her and her man, it is a significant milestone in their relationship, so who am I to belittle that, just because I don't agree with them. Start a thread about whether collaring in general is important and I'll wade in, but it isn't really appropriate to do so on a thread like this one, that's all. I can't advise the OP on her original question, and thus wished her well & offered the only advise I could...relax and enjoy the ride.



RCdc -> RE: Collaring... (3/17/2011 10:18:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkyCplStl

I met a Dominant man on here last June...everything has been going pretty well, I have been living with him and serving as somewhat of a daughter sub. He has talked about collaring me since sometime last year and I have just been too nervous. I love everything about him and want to make him happy, I'm just scared of the formal commitment. It's very special to him and I just feel like it'll make things different.


Arpig is correct, this isn't about collaring and it's importance or non importance, it's whether the relationship will change and the only person that can answer that, is the dominant in the relationship.

So in a way, yes you are making too much of it - until you get clear instruction from your dominant, you are just second guessing his expectations. I simply suggest you ask him and sit down and negotiate the terms of the collar, just like you negotiated when you moved in together.



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