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RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 10:54:42 AM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		good morning and thanks to all for your answers!

I love all the different POVs and they have given me all food for thought, good advice for today and the future as well.

cheers,
peach

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 12:31:50 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Dynamics fluctuate. Always.

(in my humble opinion)


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To my stalker:
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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 2:30:51 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I've always had issues with authority figures, meaning, I really have to feel you've earned the right to be an authority figure in my life before I can accept you as one. There are a few (ok, maybe more than a few) times in our relationship where I have struggled to accept his authority, and he has had to remind me that I chose him to be that in my life. I feel that his presence has permeated every bit of my life, that he has "mastered" me, but I do have a tremendous amount of autonomy as well.

I've had this thought cross my mind a couple of times...if all the obstacles in my life were to be taken away and I could be 24/7 with the Man, would I be able to do it? Would I be able to give up some of the autonomy that I have now in exchange for the opportunity to be with him more?

I wish I did have that choice in front of me - this is purely hypothetical, at this point. Just looking for thoughts from others. Thanks.


I think that an effective 24/7 power exchange relationship needs for both people to retain all of those things that make each of them the individuals that they are.
That probably made no sense.
The last think he would want would be for me to lose my identity. It's what attracted him to me and me to him.
The things he changes about me are my habits. Not my personality.
He makes me much more effective in how my day runs and at the end of it, I'm a much better person because of it.
Just because someone makes decisions for you doesn't mean that they don't take into consideration who you are and how it will affect you.
He makes all decisions based on how it will benefit both of us. I haven't lost any of who I am just because my day is structured around him.
You can be his slave in a way that is uniquely you.

_____________________________



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RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 2:36:51 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

The things he changes about me are my habits. Not my personality.


good point. thank you.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 4:07:20 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Just because you love someone does not mean that they are capable of making wise decisions.

I don't dig authority and I certainly don't want to have to give it 24/7.

The job of a sub is not to have be continually monitored. That just means more work for me.

There is so much bullshit that transpires out here under the name of bdsm that it is very easy to be over and completely underwhelmed.

The best advice is to find someone that is sane and then go from there.

That knocks out about 75% of CM.




(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 4:23:08 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Just because you love someone does not mean that they are capable of making wise decisions.



that is the truth!

I don't know if I would choose CM as a venue to meet men...I would more than likely stick with my two local clubs. but thankfully I am not in that position.


_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 4:56:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

here's a challenge to help you...allow him to make some decisions you would normally make for yourself for one week. How did he do? Just as well as you? Better? Worse? Give the guy a break and see how he does. Don't tell him about the challenge. It will defeat the purpose.

Unfortunately a lot of women in this day and age have always been told they know themselves better than anyone else, that they should never let a man take charge or they've been burned once or twice by a bad decision maker and now find it hard to trust anyone let alone their own partner. I think we need to get out of that kind of thinking and get back to faith in the ones we love.




Well, who knows someone better than themselves? It is has nothing to do with not letting a man take charge; it has to do with finding that person who comes as close to "getting" you as you do.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 5:14:11 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

here's a challenge to help you...allow him to make some decisions you would normally make for yourself for one week. How did he do? Just as well as you? Better? Worse? Give the guy a break and see how he does. Don't tell him about the challenge. It will defeat the purpose.

Unfortunately a lot of women in this day and age have always been told they know themselves better than anyone else, that they should never let a man take charge or they've been burned once or twice by a bad decision maker and now find it hard to trust anyone let alone their own partner. I think we need to get out of that kind of thinking and get back to faith in the ones we love.




Well, who knows someone better than themselves? It is has nothing to do with not letting a man take charge; it has to do with finding that person who comes as close to "getting" you as you do.




I agree, sexyred1.  For most of my life I was convinced others knew me better than I knew myself.  Then I got to really know myself, and realized those "others" were way off.

My owner knows me extremely well.  But better?  I've been me for 45 years.  He has known me for 2.  He can't possibly know me better.  He does have a keen understanding of what makes me tick, and how I react, but to truly deeply know me better than I do?  I have to disagree.

He's still in charge, and I can feed him information about me to assist in his leadership of me. 

agirl, I just love what you posted here:  The thing that'd be tricky would simply be sharing a single living space 24/7, after living alone for so long, and all that that would entail. We'd infuriate each other for a while, I'd be sore for a while.......then life would take on a slightly different shape with all the fantastic things we already share, along with a plethora of new ones.




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RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 5:58:46 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

My owner knows me extremely well.  But better?  I've been me for 45 years.  He has known me for 2.  He can't possibly know me better.  He does have a keen understanding of what makes me tick, and how I react, but to truly deeply know me better than I do?  I have to disagree.


As usual we agree. :)

This little tidbit is one of my personal weed whackers. It assures that I'm not going to be heading down the yellow brick road with that person. Perhaps that spiel works on some or they're an all knowing guru that shines a light in a haze of darkness for the lost and confused. But some of use come equipped bearing our own lantern with the switch turned on and don't require those services.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 6:04:22 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		well I'll admit there are times he knows me better than I know myself. I used to think that no one could possibily know me better, that because no one was me how could they but then I met Him.

There are times when I don't see what he sees, when I don't know how to else to look at something because I just simply never thought to look at something in a different light. There are times when I want to yell and scream that he's wrong but when push comes to shove and I don't want to do what he tells me, I do it anyway because it's what I agreed to and it turns out....well, he was right.

He's a wise man. It's why I chose to be with him. He's older than me. He's experienced just as much if not more than me in life. He brings unique and new thoughts and views to light.

Yeah, I know me pretty well but sometimes he just makes better sense than I do. That's why I call him Master.


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RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 6:13:01 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		porcelain:  OK that just made me laugh. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yeah, I know me pretty well but sometimes he just makes better sense than I do.




This I can relate to.  The man definitely makes better sense than me sometimes (mumblegrumbledagnammit), but to me that's different than how well he knows me.  He can take what he knows of me and make some ridiculously right-on near perfect decisions, even though I know all the history of my thoughts, feelings and experiences, and how they brought me to today, how I process things based on that, and everything in between.  Yet he takes the chunks of information he knows and knows just what to do with it.

Amazing.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 6:24:04 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There are times when I don't see what he sees, when I don't know how to else to look at something because I just simply never thought to look at something in a different light. There are times when I want to yell and scream that he's wrong but when push comes to shove and I don't want to do what he tells me, I do it anyway because it's what I agreed to and it turns out....well, he was right.


I don't ascribe that to knowing me better, I consider it having insight instead. When I think of knowing I'm speaking of my core. He must understand the who to grasp the how and why. And that's the bones; the essence of who I am. I'm not about to say a that man comes into my life possessing that knowledge. Perhaps he can learn over time, but I would still be light years ahead. I've been at it longer than he.

quote:

Yeah, I know me pretty well but sometimes he just makes better sense than I do. That's why I call him Master.


I can respect that and have echoed the same a time or two.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 7:09:14 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		what I said:

quote:


Fact is, like many women out there, I get carried away with the idea that I know better than anyone else what is best for me.


what these ladies are saying:

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

here's a challenge to help you...allow him to make some decisions you would normally make for yourself for one week. How did he do? Just as well as you? Better? Worse? Give the guy a break and see how he does. Don't tell him about the challenge. It will defeat the purpose.

Unfortunately a lot of women in this day and age have always been told they know themselves better than anyone else, that they should never let a man take charge or they've been burned once or twice by a bad decision maker and now find it hard to trust anyone let alone their own partner. I think we need to get out of that kind of thinking and get back to faith in the ones we love.




Well, who knows someone better than themselves? It is has nothing to do with not letting a man take charge; it has to do with finding that person who comes as close to "getting" you as you do.




I'm making a distinction between knowing yourself and knowing what is best for you. I think there is a difference. Despite what anyone says, I do know myself best. I spend a lot of time in my head...maybe too much time, lol. Do I make the best decisions for myself? Sometimes. Other times, hell no! My struggle with his authority (at times) is the wedge between what I know about myself and what he thinks is best for me. Hope that makes sense.




_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 7:30:45 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I've always had issues with authority figures, meaning, I really have to feel you've earned the right to be an authority figure in my life before I can accept you as one.


I've not only had issues with authority figures, I've set out to bring them down. And succeeded a couple of times, too . . . .

One of the founding fathers of modern liberalism, and a key thinker in precipitating the French Revolution, was Jean Jacques Rousseau. He was also a submissive. He wanted to be dominated by a woman. You think you've got problems?

I'm cast from the same mould as M. Rousseau. Me, I'll submit to a woman who wants to dominate me, and who I like and find attractive. I don't need more than those two things. Hell, it's about adventure first and foremost, isn't it? Go where your feelings take you?

I don't know what it's like to be a Dom. But were I to be one, God, I'd want a femsub who was a red-hot feminist. I'd want her absolutely to know that she was my equal, and be pretty damned fierce about it, too. I wouldn't want any BS behind her submission to me other than pure, unadulterated choice - choice to have the thrill and adventure of power exchange.

I do see that femsubs and malesubs aren't put together the same way. At the same time, I think they could learn an awful lot from each other . . . .



< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 3/16/2011 7:33:21 PM >

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RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 8:28:31 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I do see that femsubs and malesubs aren't put together the same way. At the same time, I think they could learn an awful lot from each other . . . .



interesting thought. someone should start a thread about that (hint hint )

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 9:42:02 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'd want her absolutely to know that she was my equal, and be pretty damned fierce about it, too. I wouldn't want any BS behind her submission to me other than pure, unadulterated choice - choice to have the thrill and adventure of power exchange.

I do see that femsubs and malesubs aren't put together the same way. At the same time, I think they could learn an awful lot from each other . . . .


there was a thread that questioned why some people don't just say they're "traditional" if they don't do kink. i think what Peon said in the first statement is a pretty good summation of that thread. to many of us, this IS choice, and it gets so much power BECAUSE it's choice. when i was growing up, i was "raised" to marry a man and let him rule over me, but i kicked that straight out of my head because there was no fooking way i was just going to do something that was "expected" of me.
to me, submission is not about some inherent inequality. it's about a choice to be authentic and act on something natural (to you as an individual), not something expected (of "you" as a gender/class).

secondly, that would actually make a pretty snazzy thread i bet. there are some pretty big differences (at least it seems) between the way msubs and fsubs work/think. would be nice to explore them. perhaps Peon could start? ^_^

(edits in parentheses)


< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 3/16/2011 9:43:58 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 9:54:20 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I don't know what it's like to be a Dom. But were I to be one, God, I'd want a femsub who was a red-hot feminist.


If you were a dominant I'd relocate. Seriously. :)

quote:

I wouldn't want any BS behind her submission to me other than pure, unadulterated choice - choice to have the thrill and adventure of power exchange.


I'll just smile and leave it at that. I know you'll get it.

quote:

I do see that femsubs and malesubs aren't put together the same way. At the same time, I think they could learn an awful lot from each other . . . .


That's one of the reasons I'd rather have a male in my home than another woman.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 10:15:33 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		I am not a slave.  I am a submissive, a pet, a woman who adores her man.
However, even though we live together, and are in what can be termed a 24/7 relationship, I have a lot of autonomy.  I make a lot of my own decisions. He has neither the desire nor the time to handle all of my choices, nor would I be in a relationship where every decision was made for me.
Of course, I bring him problems I want his help on, and sometimes, after discussing pros and cons, he will make a final decision for me, but only after my asking.
You can have some autonomy and 24/7 relationships.  In fact, I would wager that that is somewhat the norm. Even for couples who live in very strictly dominated relationships, the submissive type still makes a lot of decisions in their day to day life.  The trick is knowing what decisions will please your Dom, and be the best for you.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/16/2011 10:16:18 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Am I the only one who thought this referenced "Green Eggs and Ham?"

Would you, could you in a box?
Would you could you with a fox?

Well, for Megan Fox, maybe.

Would you could you be in a box?
Would you could you sleep with Fox?
Can she will be a willing slave?
Can she will be fully shaved?

I will not should not in a box.
I will not should be with Megan Fox.
I can not eat her with a sheep.
I'd rather have LillyBoBeep.

Hmm, I wonder if she can find them.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Could you? Would you? - 3/17/2011 12:14:30 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm a Dominant and at times Master of a slave, I do on occasions pontificate that I know her better than she does.. I know of course that this is a fallacy, but yet in specific areas I am correct. This is based on acute observation, profiling her and assessing her through the medium of a couple of basic personality tests. this way I have an accurate idea (not knowledge) of her weaknesses and strengths. IMO, a smart bear works on the strengths as well as working to strengthen her weak points so it become education rather then training.. In time I should know her better than most which I am happy about. The girl is likely to respond positively to this.. It works both ways too. I know Neets in ways which her parents have nary a clue and which surprises her. but then she also predicts my probable reactions too in most cases which is why she has my back most times and protects me from my worst enemy...ME.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 40
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