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How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 9:58:13 AM   
punishme1972


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/13/2011
Status: offline 		I am new to this and was wondering how to go about meeting someone in person without getting hurt. Do I take pictures of there license plate and send it to a friend? (Id prefer not to cause I'm worried about what my friends would think of me for doing something like this) Do I ask for references? What do I do? I want to have a real time meet but I want to do it safely.
P.S. I am a Sub and want to meet a Dom real soon but as I said before I want to make sure I make it home safely.  
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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 10:00:16 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		How do you meet someone safely now in life?

But that is a discussion for another forum, welcome to these well trodden boards!

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 10:09:21 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

How do you meet someone safely now in life?


As usual, you have hit the nail on the head, my friend. 

This isn't so different from vanilla life.  I don't know why some people, particularly submissives, seem to think they are at greater risk meeting someone off a kinky board than Craig's List (Shall I list the body count for that site?)  Or even from a chance hookup in some singles bar (Looking for Mr. Goodbar, anyone?)

I've even had people want my social security number... as if they had the facilities to confirm it [laugh]

There are precautions, but they are the same any sensible person would take.  I'd like to recommend a book (no, not mine... this time)  "The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating."  It's on Amazon and there's a lot of good, common-sense advice in it.



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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 10:12:19 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		Good for you for being sensible and thinking of safety!

You pick the place (public and populated!). Get there before he expects you, he won't see your car that way.

Tell your friends it's a blind date, they don't have to know all the gory details. Let them know when and where you are going and tell them you will call when your meeting is over at ??'o clock.

Let them know what you want them to do. Call the police immediately? Try to call you first? If they do call and you're in trouble and allowed to pick up the phone, have something innocent to say (ex. if you say I'M OK, that means "911") that tells them to CALL 911 NOW. Make sure they KNOW what they are supposed to do.

Make sure you feel comfortable meeting them to begin with, don't be pressured into it.

Have fun and good luck!!

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 10:20:16 AM   
Selectivelight


Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline 		Not much of an introduction, but I'll humor you.
Depending on how "safe" you'd like to play it, my advice is either "don't:" or;

Meet in a public place with a lot of witnesses. Stay in that public place. Don't take your "date" back to your house or go to his. Take a cab to and from, and don't share it with him or anyone else.

Edit: Good lighting works in your favor. Night clubs and raves might seem like a good time, but they're not very sensible when dating defensively.

Drink water if you drink anything, and don't you dare take your eye off your drink. Don't let him or anyone who isn't employed by the business serve it to you. Same rules apply to your food.

Don't give out any information he could track you down with. Address, employment, phone number, anything that singles you out in a crowd should have a giant red flag on it.

And listen to your instincts. If they say it's time to call the date short and get out, then it's time to call the date short and get out.

Now, this is just the short list. I'm sure there are more practical and comprehensive guides out there.

< Message edited by Selectivelight -- 3/16/2011 10:22:22 AM >

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 10:25:20 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If safety is genuinely a concern, statistically you're much better off putting more energy into making sure you don't get into a car accident on the way to a meet.

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 11:03:10 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM and the boards.  Meet somewhere bright and populated.  Never leave your drink alone, don't even take your eyes off it.  Make sure you have a safe call set up, a friend who can call you let's say an hour into the date to make sure everything's ok.  Most of all trust you gut.  If you don't feel comfortable meeting someone in the first place, then there has to be a reason for this.  Nerves happen, as does a first meet, but sometimes that little voice in your head that's screaming at you is doing so for a reason.  

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 6:09:14 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		Nothing to add except hello.

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 6:15:32 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		I meet only at events or at a coffee shop. I dont meet for alcoholic drinks or dinner or anything other then coffee if we meet privately... At munches I make sure we have time to talk but i also make sure they know Im known here if you try anything they will... interrupt.

I also have a rule that first and second meets are on my time.. Meaning I do not allow that person to buy me coffee or dinner or anything because ive run into people who believe doing so means they are entitled to getting laid.


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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 6:16:08 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM.

I recommend meeting at a munch. Most are in vanilla settings, restaurants, coffee houses, etc. They're no pressure meet & greets. Many have a play party afterwards. Again- no pressure to play.

In any event, have fun!

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 9:31:52 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi punishme,

Welcome to CM. Please stick around and read the forums!

How do you meet someone safely? Are you asking about playing safely or meeting safely? Playing safely with a stranger means playing in public with folks around you that you already know and trust. That means a munch, like BurntKitty suggested.

Meeting so you can eventually play in private? First you meet at Starbucks. Then you meet at Chilies... and so on. Get to know that Dom, not his Dom persona. You shouldn't consider meeting someone who calls themselves a Dom for private play until you know them very well.

Do you fuck the first man who says he's a great lover? Do you? Please allow your common sense to direct your fantasies, not the other way around.

January



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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/16/2011 10:13:43 PM   
Jennislut


Posts: 234
Joined: 2/24/2011
Status: offline 		wow - im either really brave or really stupid. do you people really do all that stuff when you go on a date? how do manage to have any fun?

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/17/2011 1:02:45 AM   
kissheels


Posts: 656
Joined: 3/8/2011
From: Inside Your Mind
Status: offline 		welcome to the boards

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/17/2011 8:27:36 AM   
punishme1972


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/13/2011
Status: offline 		I'd like to thank everybody for there incite. Everyone seems to agree with meeting at a bright public place, get to know the person first and if I don't feel comfortable with them then leave. Thanks again.
P.S. Sorry if I posted this in the wrong form. 

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/17/2011 8:56:54 AM   
OohAahMrs


Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline 		Good Grief! What sort of people are you looking for?

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/17/2011 9:33:23 AM   
punishme1972


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/13/2011
Status: offline 		   I posted this in the wrong message board so I'd like to fix it by giving you a little introduction of myself. I'm a 38yo bi-curious male that has always had a fascination with bondage and anal play. I'm also interested in a lot more but thats for another day. I don't have any experience except from the little play I do by myself and was hopeing that I could meet someone I could trust to teach me. All my past relationships have been boring and I was hopeing I could meet someone to spice things up. This site seems to have a lot of interesting people that I could learn from. Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. Happy St. Pattys Day.

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RE: How do I meet someone safely? - 3/18/2011 7:40:01 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Well hello and thanks for the intro!

I echo the messages, make sure it's a vanilla meet first, somewhere safe to chat (not too noisy, you don't want to shout out 'i'm really into anal play' at the very moment the crowd suddenly hushes LOL), get to know the person. Trust your gut. Have a safe call set up, and you can disguise that as a way of getting out of a boring date by having the interruption! Pay your way for any refreshments.

When it comes to first playtime ... hopefully you will have developed some measure of trust with the person by then, but I do feel it's safer at a public event, lots of people around, Dungeon Monitors etc if your safe words aren't respected. DO insist on safe words to start with, but also be aware that if you get very spacy, you may not be able to use them, so you do need to feel the person has integrity!

Good luck
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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