Following my own advice - collaring in general (Full Version)

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Arpig -> Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 10:00:20 AM)

Since the other Collaring thread doesn't seem to be the appropriate place to discuss collaring objectively, I am starting this one.

My opinion of collaring and collaring ceremonies is that they are a vastly overblown and somewhat ridiculous bit of silliness. A girl is mine when I say so and she agrees...not after some trial period leading up to a collar. I feel no need for any sort of formal "taking possession" or marking of ownership. That she and I agree on who owns who is sufficient...the rest of the world doesn't matter. The marks I leave on her body is all the visible signs of ownership that is required.

Collars are just sexy accessories that look hot as hell and, depending on the design of the collar, a useful restraining device. If my girl gets off on wearing a dog collar...then go for it...but she better dress appropriately so as to not look silly.

What does collaring mean to you? Is it a profound step, an important milestone, or just a bit of harmless fun?



RCdc -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 10:12:24 AM)

It is whatever Master decides it is. At this time, a physical collar is not necessary to prove ownership but is an enjoyable bondage device and an attractive neck adornment. However, a collar doesn't have to be around a neck, it could be a wedding ring (as example) and have just as much importance then. (edit for clarity).



sexyred1 -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 10:14:06 AM)

I agree. I never needed a collar to indicate I was with someone.

We just knew.



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 10:41:22 AM)

quote:

I agree. I never needed a collar to indicate I was with someone.

We just knew.
Yeah, that about sums it up for me too. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who sees it this way. But how about we hear from the other point of view...why don't some of you who are pro collaring chime in and tell us what it means to you and why it is an important step.



myotherself -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 10:52:11 AM)

While we don't do the whole 'begging for a collar' thing, at home I wear the collar he gave me when we first played together, at his bidding. I do like wearing it, and it feels strange not to feel its weight round my neck at work and when I'm out.

While I can see why there is no physical need for a collar, I find it calming, soothing and a reminder of what I am to him. I'm pretty new to the whole slavery thing (caught me off guard, if truth be told!) and there are times I simply forget that I'm supposed to be following his wishes. After 30+ years of doing my own damn thing, when I want it, I guess it's understandable that at times I slip back into old habits.

He is also aware that I have a particularly stressful job and find it difficult to switch off from being 'boss lady' to being 'his girl'...and putting on the collar is like flicking a switch for me. Collar on, and I'm reminded of how I should be. How I want to be. And suddenly all is right in my happy little world [:D]




TheShrew -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 10:52:38 AM)

I agree, Arpig. I do not feel compelled to make a relationship officially official.
 
I responded on the other thread assuming it was significant for that couple. I did not want to be disrespectful toward those who view the act with value, necessity and/or symbolism. I noticed you did not elaborate, over there, for the same reason.



leadership527 -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:02:35 AM)

Some people find symbolism more attractive than others. I don't find engagements or weddings silly despite the fact that they are nothing but window dressing. Similarly I don't find collaring silly. That being said, I no longer require Carol to wear hers 24x7. As you suggest, in the end, it's just a symbol.



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:02:50 AM)

So its more of a personal symbol and reminder to yourself that you belong to him then. That's interesting, sort of halfway between the "it means nothing" camp and the "its equivalent to marriage" crowd. Actually I understand where you are coming from, and truthfully would have no problem doing the same sort of thing if my girl needed something to keep her focused on her position...it must be very difficult making that daily switch sometimes.



myotherself -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:07:31 AM)

yes, I see it more as a means of focus rather than anything else - nice way to summarise my rambling! [:D]



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:07:59 AM)

quote:

I don't find engagements or weddings silly despite the fact that they are nothing but window dressing.
Thanks for the input Jeff. I agree that they are just a symbol. I quoted this particular part of your post because it raises an issue I often find during discussions of collars. It is often equated to a wedding ring. In my mind it is no such thing. A wedding ring indicates that a binding legal commitment has been made, undoing it requires lawyers, judges, papers, and settlements and so on. A collar does not. Had enough? Take the collar off and walk out the door and you are free of it.



leadership527 -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:14:53 AM)

I'm not sure I see it the same way Arpig. But that's predictable. I seldom think of legal things as any significant hurdle to something. If I wanted a divorce, I'd just go through the steps and presto, divorced.

For me, in both the collar and the wedding band, the real problem isn't the courts or money. It's the fact that I'd be devastated emotionally. At the point at which that's no longer true, then honestly there's no real relationship left anyway -- at least not one that I want.

In the end, commitment is commitment and we invest the meaning of commitment into whatever symbol we want. Symbols are squirrely that way :)



RCdc -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:15:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
A wedding ring indicates that a binding legal commitment has been made, undoing it requires lawyers, judges, papers, and settlements and so on. A collar does not. Had enough? Take the collar off and walk out the door and you are free of it.



Unless the collar is the wedding ring. A collar doesn't necessarily mean a piece of leather around a neck. I understand that to some people it means different things, but a wedding ring is an indication of commitment and I think that many people who believe in neck collars see them as a similar external symbol of something they have internalised.



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:33:21 AM)

quote:

In the end, commitment is commitment and we invest the meaning of commitment into whatever symbol we want.

quote:

I understand that to some people it means different things, but a wedding ring is an indication of commitment and I think that many people who believe in neck collars see them as a similar external symbol of something they have internalised.
OK, both very good points. It does however raise another related question...why the need for a symbol? When I got married, we had rings because the  Ex wanted them. Didn't mean a thing to me. When she got pregnant she stopped wearing hers because it didn't fit well...didn't bother me at all. When she got used to not wearing it, it didn't bother me either. I stopped wearing mine when the band split...didn't mean a thing to me.

So here's the follow up...why do you think some (I would hazard a guess...most) people feel the need to have a visible symbol of their commitment? Is it not enough to simply know it exists?



leadership527 -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:39:18 AM)

Well, I won't hazard a guess about "most people". Carol and I have never willingly removed our wedding rings. I have once for surgery. She has never. So obviously the symbols have deep meaning to us. In the end, I think it's nothing really all that extraordinary. We have a wonderful marriage and so ANY visible reminder of it is... well... wonderful. I don't think it's any more complicated than that. I strongly suspect the value of those symbols would plummet if the value of the marriage did.



tazzygirl -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:49:13 AM)

Gor teaches a collar has 4 purposes.

1) marks the person as a slave
2) impresses her slavery upon her (or him)
3) identifies the owner
4) makes leashing easier

Im not looking to toss this thread into a gor vs bdsm thread. while i have had collars within relationships, i have had relationships without collars.

What made me feel owned?

The owner... not some piece of leather/gold/steel.



LadyPact -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:49:37 AM)

I'll cop to being a symbolism person.  I consider the collar an outward representation of the commitment.

I've been telling this same story on these boards for years now.  Truthfully, clip felt collared to Me before I put My leather on his neck.  We did it officially (poor choice of words on My part) because even though we had the answer, we wanted to erase the question.

This doesn't mean that it doesn't also have a use when we're mixing socially.  If we're at a high protocol event, it saves Me the time of having to repeat Myself in saying he's owned.  It's a symbol that people can recognize immediately and know the status.



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:55:35 AM)

Thanks again for the insight Jeff. I'm afraid I still can't really wrap my head around the need for an external symbol to remind one of the relationship. When I was married I was very very aware of being married every waking moment. The knowledge of it infused my entire life. I had no need to be reminded..I could not forget.

Even today, some years after the divorce the knowledge that for a time we were together is with me at all times, it still is a major part of my being. I don't mean I want it back...it is over and I have no desire to rekindle things, but it is still there, that for a time this other person and I were together as a unit, and committed to eachother's happiness and wellbeing. It is part of what makes me me. It is for this reason that I have trouble understanding the need or desire for external symbols...they seem superfluous.

Colour me unsymbolic I guess.



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 11:56:37 AM)

quote:

What made me feel owned?

The owner... not some piece of leather/gold/steel.
My sentiments exactly!



Arpig -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 12:00:08 PM)

quote:

I'll cop to being a symbolism person. 
No shit LP, but from what I gather from your replies on the leather threads, symbolism is a very big part of the leather culture, so that doesn't surprise me in the least.

quote:

This doesn't mean that it doesn't also have a use when we're mixing socially.  If we're at a high protocol event, it saves Me the time of having to repeat Myself in saying he's owned.  It's a symbol that people can recognize immediately and know the status.
This is a very good point. Not being into protocol or events for that matter, it hadn't occurred to me. However, wouldn't just any old collar be sufficient for that purpose?



LadyPact -> RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general (3/17/2011 12:12:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
No shit LP, but from what I gather from your replies on the leather threads, symbolism is a very big part of the leather culture, so that doesn't surprise me in the least.

I'd rather expect you would.  At the same time, I try to craft My replies so that folks who may not be aware of the above get the same kind of info. 

quote:

This is a very good point. Not being into protocol or events for that matter, it hadn't occurred to me. However, wouldn't just any old collar be sufficient for that purpose

Are you asking specifically why it has to be leather?  The every day one isn't.  It's a chain with a lock that is more appropriate for his job.

It's not that something else wouldn't do.  It's more like quick association.  If you see a gold band being worn on the third finger of the left hand, what is the common assumption?  Married, right?  Doesn't mean it's always true, but you've got a decent shot at being correct. 



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