quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

An man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. He buys the first round, and asks the ostrich and cat what they're drinking. 'I'll have half a cider,' says the ostrich. 'Make mine a double Scotch,' says the cat, 'but I'm not paying.' So the man orders a pint, half a cider for the ostrich and a double Scotch for the cat.

A while later the glasses are empty and the ostrich says, 'I'll get this one. What are you both having?' 'Oh a pint please,' says the man. The cat again says, 'Make mine a double Scotch but I'm not paying.' The barman serves them and they continue chatting.

When the glasses are empty again a while later the cat looks at the man and the ostrich and says, 'I hope you both aren't expecting me to buy the next round.'
The man sighs and offers to buy the next round. The ostrich again, 'I'' have half a cider.' and the cat, 'Make mine a double Scotch and I'm not paying.'

While serving the man, the barman asks, 'What's with the talking ostrich and cat?'

'A white back I met a genie who gave me three wishes,' explains the man,' So I make my first wish a bird with long legs and a tight pussy. How was I to know the genie was Irish?'

Casey and Flanagan walk into a pub. Flanagan insists on buying the first round. 'These are on me,' he says, 'I'm celebrating.'
'What are you celebrating?' asks Casey.
'Just bought my wife a birthday present,' explains Flanagan, 'Just what she wanted. Something with diamonds in it. I have it here in my pocket. Want to see what I bought?'
'Of course I do,' says Casey. 'What is it?'
Flanagan reaches into his pocket and brings out a pack of cards.

'Enough is enough,' announces Paddy as he leaves the dentist, 'I've just had all my teeth out. Never again.'

An Irish carpenter walks into a DIY shop. 'I'd like a bag of nails please.'
'How long do you want them?' asks the man behind the counter.
'I'd like to keep them if possible,' replies the carpenter.

An Irishman walks into a pub in Adelaide, Australia and orders a pint of the amber liquid.
'Excuse me' said the barman, 'Is that not an Irish accent I detect?'
'Sure it is. Dublin to be exact.'
'Bless my soul,' says the barman,'I'm a Dublin man myself. Ballymun to be exact.'
'Be jaysus, aren't I from Ballymun meself?' the man exclaims, 'Carberry Street to be exact. St Joseph's was me parish church. Father O'Connor the parish priest.'
'Well I never', said the barman, 'Didn't I go to nine o'clock Mass every Sunday? What a small world this is! And did you go to St Joseph's school?'
'I sure did. I was in Miss Boyle's class.'
'Good Lord, so was I.'
Just then the phone rings and the barman answers it. 'No, no, the bar's empty. Just us two Murphy twins here.'