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stellauk -> RE: Bartering Sessions... (3/17/2011 5:09:44 PM)
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With response to ANY bartering any such transaction usually involves a certain degree of altruism on one or both sides.
This altruism doesn't always enter into a bartering transaction. In the past I have done my fair share of maiding for dommes often with little or no expectations because the play given in response didn't quite meet expectations. Not that I had any high expectations to begin with, but it was play for the wrong reasons, out of obligation and therefore cannot be compared to play in general. This is how I learned a bit more about altruism and what it really means in practice.
Another reason why it doesn't work is that usually bartering arrangements involve elements of both service and kink and the assumption that they are interchangeable and can be exchanged. I disagree and find that service and kink are not the same, they are rarely if ever compatible and even in one relationship constitute separate elements of that relationship. There is an element of 'do me' in many proposed BDSM bartering arrangements and it exists on both sides of the kneel - examples are the male submissive who seeks play only for reasons of his own gratification and the female dominant with an over-inflated sense of entitlement stemming from her self-imposed title seeking service.
Some degree of altruism and allowances need to be made for such an arrangement to be successful. If not either the service will generally be substandard or the play and kink be somewhat disappointing. This is because the concept of barter often involves the illusion that BDSM is something generic, instant, universally applicable when in reality it isn't.
I have nothing against pro-dommes and indeed see a session with a pro-domme as being no different to going to a concert to see a live band. You are not paying so much for the time of the Dominatrix, or indeed for the kinks themselves, but you are paying for her experience, her knowledge, her creativity, her individuality and her ideas and skill of taking your needs and desires and transforming them into reality.
I mean you pay to see a band because of the exact same reasons - their individuality, their creativity, and their artistic and musical competence.
This is also the same when it comes to service submissives which is why now when a domme approaches me out of the blue and wants me to clean her apartment I charge the set rates, and she is paying me for my experience, my skills, creativity, and my knowledge of service. Genuine service isn't something you find off the internet, you can't ever hope to walk in off the street and achieve the same standards (with the exception of course of a female submissive who is conditioned to serve through being a woman which comes close).
This doesn't mean that I will no longer clean for free, and there are times even in vanilla domestic cleaning jobs I have cleaned a house from top to bottom and refused payment. I will happily clean for my friends free of charge and people I know. But like everyone else I am picky about who gets my altruism and who doesn't and I would assume that the same is true on the other side of the kneel.
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