Rant & Comedy Minute (Full Version)

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aleshaDreams -> Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 3:06:08 PM)

What are some of the most cheesiest lines you have heard from said dominant types in the first few initial conversations (within the first 3 weeks)?  Here are some of the ones I have heard:

(Occurs 7 times out of 10 for me) 'I am not like other Dominants, all the rest are (negative image laid in this spot)',
(1-week into chat)  I want you to go to the store and buy candles so that you can prepare your ass for me,

I will think of more not so reflective of the individual dom so that they aren't looking in the mirror if they ever read this post.

Ah it is just one of those days......................




KnightofMists -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 3:12:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

(Occurs 7 times out of 10 for me) 'I am not like other Dominants, all the rest are (negative image laid in this spot)',
(1-week into chat)  I want you to go to the store and buy candles so that you can prepare your ass for me,



he's right... he is not like other Dominants... the book Dominant for Dummies says you should be at that step within a few hours of chat... not a week... gosh he not pushy that all.. I think you might of snagged a winner there... well if you want to take things slow and easy that is   *w*  Like I said... this is based on the Dominant book of books... a great reference for all online dummies  umm dominants  "Dominant for Dummies"  it's a bargin 99 cents



littleone35 -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 4:50:19 PM)

well the funniest one i got is from a guy who said perice you nipples and send me a pic.  Like i was really gonna do that(this was within one week of chatting).

Matt's littleone

editied for typos



mayapple -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 7:08:47 PM)

Awhile back, when I was new to all this, I received lots of messages when I posted a profile on a BDSM site.  One of the first guys I heard from asked me to send a photo and I did.  He did not reply for a few days (he was silent over a weekend... so I'm thinking, "Ah, this one has a wife..."), and then on Monday morning he wrote one line to say, "So, are you ready for an assignment?"  I replied to say that I was corresponding with several Doms and I was not at the point of being ready to accept assignments from one Dom.  He wrote back:
 
"I will NOT be interviewed by a sub!  GOOD-BYE and GOOD LUCK!"
 

(.... It still makes me laugh.....)
 



twicehappy -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 8:29:58 PM)

A few of the worst;

You WILL be at my house by the end of the month or i will punish you severely.( hmmm, how, by sending me another arrogant email?)

If you have had yourself fixed this will be reversed, all women on my chain are breeders.(uh, sure, right away)

The day you arrive you will be branded(as what, the biggest idiot on the face of the planet)

And from my standpoint anyway, my favorite;

Subs/slaves in this house do not ride 



cuddleheart50 -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 8:30:10 PM)

Within a week I was told to pierce my labia...and do it while he was talking to me on the phone...lol....That was the first and last week I talked to him.



NakedGirlScout -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 8:46:42 PM)

How about,

"My wife is neutral to light submissive and needs a female to bond with. You will be my ultra submissive, to do, to say, to act, to think as I command you. Period. You will obey me because you need to obey me. I command you to call me, as my sister, Monday March 25 at 11 a.m. central  time. ###-###-#### . You will say "is my brother home" and I will order you to travel to live with my family as my second wife."
 
I really got this letter, verbatim!! His wife didn't know!




juliaoceania -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 9:41:18 PM)

OMG we have all had so-called doms order us to our knees in chat.... this tends to make me smile...lol (once I said.. "OK, on my knees, whats next?".. He never answered...lol)

I have had doms either say they are "strict". or "firm but kind". and I have never understood this one at all. Strict in what way? Are you going to hit my knuckles with a ruler for talking in class? Stick my nose in a corner for burning dinner? WTF do you mean??? I believe in informed consent..lol



ElectraGlide -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 10:05:14 PM)

A online chatroom dom on the west coast with his online chatroom sub on the east coast. Listening to those phonies on voice chat is a joke. They are probally both married and vanilla pretending to be something they are not while their other half is at work. I know one online dom that lets female doms torture him on voice chat. He must be a switch dom and sissy boy sub. She tells him she is standing on his balls and he whines and moans that is extreme fantasy role playing if I ever heard it. I am glad I dont take that ridiculus stuff serious.



perverseangelic -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 10:24:06 PM)

My absolute favorite one was this-- *from someone I'd enver spoken to before)

"[city X] Starbucks, 4 pm, I have 12 pairs of panties, 2 pairs of stockings, slutty red lipstick, candles, clamps and floggers. YouWILL be there or you will be punished."

I wrote back and informed him that City X was 5 hours from where I was, and seeing as it was 3pm it was unlikely I'd make it there, even if I wanted to.



ElectraGlide -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 10:32:00 PM)

I have chatted with local subs that said they cant stand Doms because they are mean and arragant. Yet they called themselves pain sluts so I guess they were just pretenders.



ElectraGlide -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/6/2006 11:20:50 PM)

How about those jokes that say I spent 5 years in a state prison like they are real tough. That dont impress me if they were so tough why did the dum ass get caught and locked up. They could have been giving Big Bubba a daily stool sample for 5 years. They could have been blowing a guard for a pack of smokes. I guess I should pin a dum ass of the year award on the next idiot that brags about being in prison.



aleshaDreams -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 12:12:01 AM)

This stuff is outrageous lol



BitaTruble -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 12:22:53 AM)

Two of my favorites:

"I'm a SWM. My wife is going to divorce me as soon as she finds out about what I'm doing."

... and an oldie but a goodie...

"Get on your knees, slut!"

"NO! You get on YOUR knees, boy!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Uh huh.. if I had a dime ...

Celeste




perverseangelic -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 1:59:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

I have chatted with local subs that said they cant stand Doms because they are mean and arragant. Yet they called themselves pain sluts so I guess they were just pretenders.


I'm not sure how disliking someone who is arogant and mean makes the assertation that one is a masochist false.



zebra -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 2:05:03 PM)

I guess each of us could write a book about this stuff. I had one who (in his first message) sent me his full name, telephone number, place of employment, job Web address, etc., and then reamed me out for lack of "honesty" when I declined to do the same. (Who asked you for all that info, friend?)

That's certainly not the lamest or cheesiest thing, but it's clumsily manipulative, and I think doms who want you to "submit" to them in the first week are just proving that they can't be trusted to take care of you or look out for your best interests in the long run.  



CanadianGuy -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 2:51:59 PM)

I don't get any of this crap (in fact, I don't really get any messages at all) but I did have a submissive female friend of mine forward me an email she got from someone here she'd never spoken to before.  It went something like this.

"Hello.  I am a very, very controlling and painstakingly intelligent and dominating man.  You are going to be my slave.  Here's how it will work, little one.  You will first contact me, to let me know you are interested.  I will withhold sex, and sexual talk, until at least the third message we exchange.  This is all about control and power.  Then, you'll tell me about your panties... what colour, what style, if they have perfume in them maybe.  Okay?  You are a slut to be used, I hope you realize this.  I want you in my house doing dishs alot.  And washing my floor... BITCH!  Okay bitch?  Like a dog, you know, a bitch dog.  You're gonna lick food off the floor too.  And always nakde, mmmmm I hope ur hot.  So hot...... mmmm... Gonna make you be naked in front of my friends and probably really sluty clothes in public, and you MUST CALL ME MATSER.  Do it right now when u reaply.  jerking off right now thinking about ur submission and slutty yeah one handed tping omg here u go hav some cummmmmmm.........  Hi.  This is how it will be for us, every day.  I'm very demanding, as you can tell by what just happened.  You will immediately reply with all contact info and how big ur tits are.  Hurry up, slut."

I'm sort of embarrassed to share genetic similarities with the thing that typed that.  [>:]



slavejali -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 3:29:48 PM)

online:

" Where do you live?"
" Do you like this and this and this and this (insert various forms of kink)."
" I will come and stay at your place for a few weeks, I wont pressure you into anything (except trying to get free accomodation for a holiday and yeah sure I believe the no pressure stuff)"

(This was in the course of an initial 10 minute conversation) Don't really consider it cheesy, it scared me a bit....but was laughable [:)]



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 7:17:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

"[city X] Starbucks, 4 pm, I have 12 pairs of panties, 2 pairs of stockings, slutty red lipstick, candles, clamps and floggers. YouWILL be there or you will be punished."


Well damn, why didn't you string him along a bit longer? Now we'll never know what kind of scene he was planning to do in Starbucks with 12 pairs of panties and candles! Geesh, now I'm going to die of curiousity!!

Cin



babysburnin -> RE: Rant & Comedy Minute (5/7/2006 8:37:39 PM)

I'm so glad I'm not here looking - but I was elsewhere, before.  I like to laugh - so I would read all of the "requests" and giggle my head off - soooooo amusing what people will come up with!  I had 3,000 responses in less than 6 months - I could write a book.  Online can be good - just take it with a grain of salt (a pile of salt).  Lots of lonely people in the world - playing tricks. 



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