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Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 5:19:46 PM

vegetablelamb

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From: The Cabbage Patch
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Hi all. I've had this discrepancy rattling around in the back of my mind that I keep coming back to every so often, so I figured I'd get some opinions on things while I consider the question this time 'round.

I'm twenty, and I've considered myself a submissive for a couple years. Here's the thing: I'm a virgin, with not much experience in any realm, let alone that of BDSM. I only know what I've read, seen, thought, and discussed with other people, and while I haven't exactly deviated from what I say my preferences are, I've had this underlying feeling of foolishness (and seeming foolish to others, although that doesn't matter so much). Such skeptical questions as “How do I know what I want/like/whatever-is-under-scrutiny?” and “Where do I get the basis to include myself in a community I've never actually participated in?” arise in my mind. I suppose I get that I am who I am, I like what I like, and it doesn't matter if I feel/know so-and-so, but... I don't know; I feel like I'm unequipped to participate in, say, CM or its forums. Or the BDSM community in general. Like I'm perhaps getting ahead of myself or something, and I need to park it and get something under my belt before I try to join in.

So, while I'm going over this and debating one way or the other, I was wondering if anyone had two cents they might like to put in? Is it possible to be in the community as is without the experience, or am I more of an armchair submissive who needs to “get in the field,” as it were, before she can really consider herself a participant? Furthermore, would it be rather impractical to try and become more familiar with my local community with the aforementioned situation?

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 5:31:47 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vegetablelamb

I feel like I'm unequipped to participate in, say, CM or its forums. Or the BDSM community in general. Like I'm perhaps getting ahead of myself or something, and I need to park it and get something under my belt before I try to join in.

I have enjoyed your contributions to the threads, and feel that they came from someone who
is very self-aware. That you speak from your spirit alone as opposed to an experienced spirit,
hasn't lessened the positive impact you have left in sharing your thoughts. Keep on singing!

< Message edited by poise -- 3/20/2011 5:32:29 PM >

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 5:37:41 PM

Lockit

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When I was a little girl, my family couldn't afford tennis lessons for me. I use to stand and watch this really handsome guy teaching other kids my age how to play tennis. I was very sad and then thought... I don't care, I can still learn something. I would stand and do everything he had those other kids doing. I would pay attention to everything. So much that the man talked to me about how serious I seemed to be about learning to play and offered to help me because he knew the desire in me came from a deep place. So deep that I was willing to stand there each day looking stupid to the other kids.

What you seem to be saying is that you have this deep inside and even if you haven't any experience... you wish to, in your time or under the right circumstances. Good... great place to start. You have as much right to be here as anyone does. If you want, go to an event and check out more.

I would rather see you do it as you are, than jumping in body and soul without a thought in your head. Kudos for that!

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 5:45:27 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vegetablelamb

Furthermore, would it be rather impractical to try and become more familiar with my local community with the aforementioned situation?

You should definitely get involved in your local community. When someone says, "what are you into", you simply say, "I don't really know, I'm still exploring." No one will fault you for that.

I have a very good friend who moved from my town to your general area. If you would like, I can put you in touch with him. He is always happy to meet up for coffee, so you won't walk into your first munch knowing nobody.

Cali

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 5:59:46 PM

leadership527

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So I gather that for you "submissive" is a sexual thing. Given that, I don't really see what the issue is. God knows I certainly contemplated sex in a wide variety of ways while I was still a virgin. I see no reason why you shouldn't. Nor do I see any reason why you shouldn't share your thoughts here... some of which will be educational for the likes of me I'm sure.

The only time I get annoyed with inexperienced people is when they come in and give us all the one true way. I also find it a big disingenuous when they write long, dramatic odes to their submissiveness/dominance which really do nothing but encourage other people to believe in a fantasy. So long as you keep it real and don't make your thoughts sound like your reality then I don't get why you'd be "unequipped to participate here".

If it helps you any, I'm not into sadism or masochism and we're not particularly kinky. I'm pretty "unequipped to participate here" too. I just avoid the threads about kinky scenes and S/m since I can't usually contribute to them.

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 6:29:48 PM

vegetablelamb

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Thank you for your comments, Poise and Locket; I appreciate the fact that what posts I have made have been received better than I'd hoped, and I'm glad I might just be letting other things get to me. I'm also glad you were so determined in learning, Lockit!

Obviously, I was a bit wary of the locals, so I'm glad I'm hearing positive things in regards to getting involved. Thank you very much, Cali; I'd appreciate that quite a bit.

As for it being a sexual thing, Jeff, I'll confess that that plays a big part, but mainly when I've conversed with a few dominants and submissives, particularly on other forums, the experience bit has been a big factor. I had that as a basis for my suspicions, because when it came up in conversations (and me being all too open), I was given some label similar to one who's just playing around, has no idea what she's talking about, or is otherwise living some fantasy with no serious groundings in the community on that forum. Granted, technically my ideas might so far be fantasy, I don't think we were necessarily using the term the same way.

I try to be as real as possible, so I suppose I just fell prey to a bad experience and let it get under my skin?

I feel like I'm saying thank you too much, but hey, I've benefitted from the posts and feel happy that you all have replied and helped put my qualms to rest. So, you know, many thanks. :)

< Message edited by vegetablelamb -- 3/20/2011 6:30:45 PM >

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 6:43:43 PM

peachgirl

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Just because you are submissive doesn't mean you can't have a level of control in the play that you engage in. I know it's terrifying to take that first step of going into a club or a munch, but you don't have to do anything you want to. Just go.

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I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 7:06:38 PM

Arpig

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Hi and welcome to the boards. Look around and read and ask and comment. This is a great place to learn and to explore. You have every right to be here. I know sometimes this may seem like an old boys club where you shouldn't be...but all the old hands will be only to happy to answer any questions you may have. There is nothing wrong with having no experience and no clear idea what you want or like...everybody began that way.

I agree with Lockit. I'm glad to see you here trying to figure things out.

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 7:45:10 PM

vegetablelamb

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I do tend to be nervous when it comes to first-steps, so I am much obliged for the encouragement, Peach.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Hi and welcome to the boards. Look around and read and ask and comment. This is a great place to learn and to explore. You have every right to be here. I know sometimes this may seem like an old boys club where you shouldn't be...but all the old hands will be only to happy to answer any questions you may have. There is nothing wrong with having no experience and no clear idea what you want or like...everybody began that way.

I agree with Lockit. I'm glad to see you here trying to figure things out.

Thank you, thank you; I intend to peruse the boards to my heart's content, but I'm now going to make more of an effort to join in rather than read and keep quite.

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 8:02:58 PM

sirssubk2008

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Hi and welcome to the boards. Look around and read and ask and comment. This is a great place to learn and to explore. You have every right to be here. I know sometimes this may seem like an old boys club where you shouldn't be...but all the old hands will be only to happy to answer any questions you may have. There is nothing wrong with having no experience and no clear idea what you want or like...everybody began that way.And from what I have heard, some end that way as well.
I agree with Lockit. I'm glad to see you here trying to figure things out.

OP,
I'm nearly 40 and definitely no virgin and I still am unsure of what I want. Of course you can include yourself as a participant here, without the benefit of experience. Everyone has their starting point, and for some (me) that starting place is CM. It's a good place to obtain information and get involved at your own pace...
I don't think you should worry about being unequipped...I'm about as unequipped (or maybe inept, however you want to look at it) as they come, but I still throw in my two cents worth here and there, and more importantly, I have learned a lot of valuable information on CM. Cm is my comfort zone...
edited because I can't spell...or color.LOL

< Message edited by sirssubk2008 -- 3/20/2011 8:13:20 PM >

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RE: Am I getting ahead of myself? - 3/20/2011 9:05:13 PM

vegetablelamb

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Hahah, thank you; I'm way more enthusiastic at this point.

CM, you'll do me right, I think.

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