RE: Smarts? (Full Version)

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IronBear -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 8:32:08 AM)

I have an almost irresistible urge to swat the rotund ass of a female who dumbs her self down for any reason. When one does it because she thinks I prefer the dumb bitch door mat, I take it as an insult to my own intelligence. I have been to caustically enquire if she  really thinks I am that stupid that i can't see whwt she is doing, or is she playing head games. I know I may at times have minor issues with self esteem, but acting dumb is going to diddly swat.

All the women in my life have been intelligent women and mostly with the education to go with it. rarely has this caused friction or made the scene competitive. Wvn with the vast difference of background and possible education, there are many intelligent women here on these forums who it is a pleasure to converse with at one level another. I celebrate the differences and enjoy learning from each one. With some iot is simply the difference between male and female processing and ways of seeing things. I have as many female friends who would never get a look in the door of Mensa but have natural smarts from life. They too are treasured for their ability to cut through the BS and ficus on the real issues. I want a woman who is willing and able to contribute to what ever prioject we are involved in (including old fashion alpha arousing, primal animalistic knock em down and drag it out sex.... ). I need those in whom i have placed trust to step up and give me her best views and suggestions at any time. Neets does this, she is both survival smart and intelligent, we just have a lkargish gap inn education completed so this allows for a good debate at times and a win/win result.. (Respect is always there).

I feel pity for any male who can not respect and honour his woman for her intelligence and sense..



tazzygirl -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 8:36:07 AM)

The Man enjoys my moments of silliness when I dumb myself down deliberately. The little girl voice comes out and I get all playful and stuff.

However, we have many discussion based upon politics, religion, medicine, world events and even sports. I deliberately asked him this morning if he thought I was too smart for my own good. He said... "you are a smart ass at times, but I dont think you could deliberately dumb yourself down for any length of time and hold my interest".

Then he called me a "brat" and left for work.

[:D]




porcelaine -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 9:20:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW

Damn Prcelaine, you have a way with words... I agree entirely. I get anxious when someone approaches with "you're smart," because for me, it usually means "I think you possess the same information as I, so we'd automatically find one another "interesting" to use Arpig's description. Not necessarily a correct assumption, when it comes to me.


Thank you for the compliment. Now that I've thrown my hat into the dating cesspool I must admit there are moments when I question my sanity. Gentlemen that present opening lines of that caliber are almost always set aside. While I don't make suppositions regarding the nature of their remarks, there are those who's arrogance and implication of selectivity is hard to dismiss. And that is what occurs with swift rapidity.

I'm of the belief that when you know what you are and you're comfortable in your own skin, you have little reason to lord it over others or bemoan those who aren't up to snuff. I am not impressed by put downs and find something of merit in the strangest places. We all have something to learn and teach. Though it appears that truth is unacceptable to certain persons.

quote:

Fortunately, my ego isn't too entangled these days, with being the most important/best anything.


I shared this with someone the other night. He seemed surprised when I acknowledged my desire to partner with a man more adept than myself. And while I could hear the wheels churning, he was modest enough not to articulate his thoughts. But I did so of my own accord. It was my way of showing that yes, I value your mind and all its deliciousness. And I also appreciate the other facets of your person that enrich my own. It's the package that I'm after. [;)]

Namaste,

~porcelaine



NuevaVida -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 9:53:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I am intelligent.  This does not always translate to SMART.



I completely agree that intelligent and smart are two different animals.  I've been with men who were intelligent but not smart at all.  This did not make for a healthy relationship.

I have also experienced men whose intelligence appeared average at the outset, but who's smarts impressed me to no end.

Character holds more importance to me than intelligence or smarts.  It's what one does with the intelligence or smartness he/she possesses that matters to me. 



Arpig -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 10:02:43 AM)

quote:

shut up with that damn intee-lect, woman; make me a sandwich
And bring me a beer with it girl!



leadership527 -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 10:14:22 AM)

Well, according to the IQ kind of intelligence, I'm probably quite a bit smarter than Carol. That wasn't an item on my radar map when I met her and it isn't now. I don't tend to give much credence to IQ of any form. I frequently say "I'd give 10 IQ points for 1 wisdom point any day of the week". My previous two wives were both similar to me IQ-wise. In a more pragmatic sense, while I'm sure Carol would score maybe 40 or 50 points lower than me on an IQ test, her actual intelligence is just fine. I don't find her being unable to understand me and my thoughts. She is actively able to contribute to discussions. That's good enough for me. The fact that her brain is wired differently is a huge asset. Frequently she approaches things from a wildly different viewpoint than I do and so I get excellent perspective in listening to her.

Carol, on the other hand, very definitely wanted a "smart and knowledgeable" husband. It is key that I know "science stuff" in her mind. It's interesting that she also wanted an "assertive" husband and even maybe a bit of an "arrogant" one. Looking back I have to wonder if those words aren't painting a picture of "dominant" before she knew that word.

I refuse to speculate on what most men may or may not do. I'm not particularly into "male bashing" threads.



Arpig -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 10:35:26 AM)

quote:

I'd give 10 IQ points for 1 wisdom point any day of the week
Sorry, but once your stats are rolled you can't change them, unless you use a Wish spell.



CarpeComa -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 11:12:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

I'd give 10 IQ points for 1 wisdom point any day of the week
Sorry, but once your stats are rolled you can't change them, unless you use a Wish spell.


I guess this +2 fedora of Wis is totally worthless then.



hlen5 -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 11:22:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: vegetablelamb

......I'm only going to get tired of acting, or slip up somehow, and then bam; the brain's out of the bag..................


This is very funny!!

I loved it when a lover of mine verbally took note of something I was saying that he felt was above or beyond average. I loved that quality about him and he was no slouch in the intellect department.



porcelaine -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 11:35:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Character holds more importance to me than intelligence or smarts.  It's what one does with the intelligence or smartness he/she possesses that matters to me.


*sniffles*

You'd make an awesome guy. Just saying. [;)]

Namaste,

~porcelaine



vegetablelamb -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 12:12:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

And bring me a beer with it girl!


And then find Master's remote. Thaaaaat's it; who's a good girl? You're a good girl! Yes you are!


quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

This is very funny!!

I loved it when a lover of mine verbally took note of something I was saying that he felt was above or beyond average. I loved that quality about him and he was no slouch in the intellect department.


Hahah, was it something along the lines of "hey, your smart's showing?"

I tend to only point out my ditsy moments, so if someone mentions me having a noticeably intelligent moment I just blush and mumble something along the lines of "you know, I does what I can."



Selectivelight -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 12:38:53 PM)

I think the sexiest thing a woman could do is to prove that she's intelligent and capable enough that she doesn't need to kneel at anyone's feet... if she chooses to kneel at mine after that, it's a plus, but she'll turn me on either way.

I'm not concerned that my partners will outshine me. I'd be worried if they didn't. I already know how great they are, it's just a matter of convincing them to show the rest of the world what they missed.

Personally, I am not in the habit of picking partners without a few functioning braincells. Though in the spirit of honesty, I would probably accept absolute servitude and obedience in place of raw capacity for reasoning, as something of a pet project or experiment. But hey, that's just my inner cult leader talking.





CarpeComa -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 12:40:26 PM)

I definitely don't go seeking out someone less 'intelligent' than myself. I do recognize that statistically speaking, that is what I am going to find the most of and took that into account when determining my standards. This isn't ego talking, but the acknowledgment of a large pile of evidence, much like someone who is 6ft can't keep convincing himself that he is of average height forever. Because I know that I'm on the far end of the bell curve, this has probably resulted in my feeling less threatened by someone 'smarter' than the average person. Just because you are a bit further out than myself doesn't change my knowledge of where I am. Much like Shaq isn't going to suddenly feel that he is short just because he meets someone taller than himself.

The question for me is not 'are you smarter/dumber', but are you in the range of intelligence that I can relate to? I remember reading a while back that people relate best with people who are intellectually within one standard deviation of themselves. While the source was totally unverified, to me it has a ring of truth to it. You are likely to feel unsatisfied or frustrated if it is a person that can't keep up with you or you can't keep up with them respectively.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

I shared this with someone the other night. He seemed surprised when I acknowledged my desire to partner with a man more adept than myself. And while I could hear the wheels churning, he was modest enough not to articulate his thoughts. But I did so of my own accord. It was my way of showing that yes, I value your mind and all its deliciousness. And I also appreciate the other facets of your person that enrich my own. It's the package that I'm after. [;)]

Namaste,

~porcelaine


Exactly. I think a lot of people relegate themselves to unhappiness because they forget about the package. They develop a laser focus on the person meeting all of their wants, or a really unusual want, and turn a blind eye to compensating factors (this is usually accompanied by a war cry of "I'm not going to settle!"). If you want someone that's better/worse than you at something, you ought to realistically consider where on the bell curve you sit. If you are on the far end and you are going to require someone even farther out, your options are going to be very restricted. Every additional requirement on top of that will exponentially reduce your pool of options. It's not like most of us have that large of a pool to begin with. People shouldn't settle for someone that they won't be happy with, but they would be well served if they considered cases where they would trade not getting as much of some of their wants in exchange for getting above and beyond in some of their other wants.



Lockit -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 1:09:02 PM)

These people aren't seeking someone dumber than they surely are. They are seeking someone they can abuse by being a bully.

I seek someone who can stimulate me and someone that I can stimulate. Some are smarter in ways and some are not. The more evenly we are matched the better. I love it when we barter or banter with word play and if they can 'get' me and have a 'win' all the better! That is no threat to me. It is an enhancement in my life, but it better not happen too often or I might have to get real serious about some hehe... discipline! My men need to seek intelligence, as I do. They need to have similar charactor, ethics, honor and heart as well or the intelligence is empty after a few laughs.

I've met men thinking they had to dumb down or be silent at times because they thought I needed to be the smart one... Shit canned them really fast. They didn't know me at all.



porcelaine -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 1:41:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Selectivelight

Personally, I am not in the habit of picking partners without a few functioning braincells. Though in the spirit of honesty, I would probably accept absolute servitude and obedience in place of raw capacity for reasoning, as something of a pet project or experiment. But hey, that's just my inner cult leader talking.


You bring up an interesting point about intellect and I've been guilty of this in the past. It can lead to over thinking and endless mind fuckery sessions as well. Learning how to shut off the brain is a skill worth acquiring. I try to maintain it for the most part, but there are certain personalities that disrupt my Zen on occasion. [;)]


quote:

ORIGINAL: CarpeComa

They develop a laser focus on the person meeting all of their wants, or a really unusual want, and turn a blind eye to compensating factors (this is usually accompanied by a war cry of "I'm not going to settle!"). If you want someone that's better/worse than you at something, you ought to realistically consider where on the bell curve you sit.


I believe it's wise to recognize ones limitations and when exercising selectivity to take into account the ramifications of that choice. If they can reasonably accept the space between finding what they seek have at it. Unfortunately, most cannot.

quote:

If you are on the far end and you are going to require someone even farther out, your options are going to be very restricted.


Ones position on the line is rarely the issue. It's the fact that the individual has already crafted an idea in their mind what 'further' involves and the guise it will assume. Life is rarely that uneventful. It throws delicious curve balls in our direction to keep us on our toes. And sometimes the thing we crave requires alterations in our mindset or lifestyle that we haven't embraced. In short, you're tripping yourself up and it isn't because you're too selective. But you've become a slave to the tool that is no longer utilized as a barometer but has become a makeshift prison in its rigidity.

quote:

People shouldn't settle for someone that they won't be happy with, but they would be well served if they considered cases where they would trade not getting as much of some of their wants in exchange for getting above and beyond in some of their other wants.


Just make sure you can live with it when doing so and won't hold the other party accountable for failing to provide what you knowingly sacrificed upon commencement. If I encountered a man that had a very strong preference that I fell outside of, it would take a lot of convincing to get me to go along. In the back of my head I'd seriously wonder if he'd be happy in the long run, or come to regret the decision at some point.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



sexyred1 -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 1:42:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Character holds more importance to me than intelligence or smarts.  It's what one does with the intelligence or smartness he/she possesses that matters to me.


*sniffles*

You'd make an awesome guy. Just saying. [;)]

Namaste,

~porcelaine



I know; I often feel like that about the women here.



kalikshama -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 2:09:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

So.... lying about who one is. Not good.

Got it.


I'm going to assume this was directed to the person who suggested I dumb it down. If this was to me, I'm confused, as I'm not dumbing down.



DesFIP -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 4:42:40 PM)

It may not be that they are actively seeking women they can talk down to, but women who won't challenge them. Who will accept them as being in charge from day one without having to take months of proving themselves.



Icarys -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 5:05:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Lately, i've met a few fellas who only seem interested in women they can talk down to. they say they aren't threatened by chicks who aren't lacking upstairs, but they don't seem interested either.
I guess i'm just wondering, if anyone's willing to admit to seeking out a less "intelligent" partner, what was the motivation, and what did it bring to the relationship?
("intelligent" is in quotes because there are so many kinds of intelligence, it's impossible to really use one as THE standard)

i remember a thread somewhere, either here or on FL, where a girl's friend told her something to the effect of "if you want to find someone, you have to dumb yourself down." while i don't believe that's universally true, i think in a lot of cases, it is.
is it an ego thing?

(yes, i did search for similar threads on similar topics, but with the "no necro'ing rule," i figured it'd just be best to start another one.)


Not me. Pretty much every girl that's lasted for any length of time, were the ones that were extremely intelligent. I will say that ego may be playing a part in it for them (The Men you're referring to) but it could be both ways. I've seen more than my fair share of people in general that I would consider intelligent that had serious egos and attitudes to boot.

So who knows..Maybe on one hand some are looking for that ego lift and the feeling of superiority but they could just as well be unwilling to deal with the shitty attitudes that can accompany a really smart person at times.

I personally look for a quiet intelligence..someone who's confident but doesn't shove it in your face. I tend to do real well with those types as I don't get annoyed near as much. I've had 3 that fit that bill and looking for another. I'd rather stay by myself than settle for anything less.

I too find that a lot of people who think they're smart are complete idiots in many more ways than they show smarts..so go figure.



NihilusZero -> RE: Smarts? (3/21/2011 5:27:37 PM)

First, there's a wide variance of "intelligence" (as you've rightly noted) and people often don't really mean "intelligence" when they say it. What they means is a breadth of information about the topics they enjoy discussing. Intelligence should be definable and measurable, but with so many people incapable of divorcing an 'affirmative action' type of 'right to intelligence' (this is why the word "opinion" is so popular nowadays) from actually being able to express, assimilate, and incorporate factual information about our reality, its meaning get mangled and unnaddressed. Intelligence just becomes a subjective "eye of the beholder" placeholder.

Second, this may also have to do with the fact that authority dynamics are not always based on placing the burden of decision-making into the hands of the most competent. Many people just want the authority dynamic for its own sake. If there are enough s-types that process their dynamic this way, there will be enough D-types who do as well...which translates into a "do as I say...because I said so" structure (in which a intellectually competent s-type, with the potential to logically question a decision, could be unnattractive. Although I'd be curious what an s-type prone to question would be doing yielding in the first place if s/he was going to critique the decisions made, but this could just as easily be a perceptual preemptive insecurity on the part of the D-type as well).



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