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A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 10:46:28 AM

Katerina

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/19/2004
Status: offline

One of the biggest problems i find i encounter as a submissive is trying to balance my submissive nature while still sometimes taking the initiative to do something. correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems to me that most Dom's would still like their submissive's to have some initiative sometimes. One of the things i most often here to characterize a "good" submissive, is one who anticipates the needs of her Master.

For myself, i find this an issue in sexual context. i will NOT do anything sexual unless told to first and sometimes i know it would be preferred if i took a bit of initiative. I feel that sometimes my submissive nature is pushed a bit far especially when in combination with my self conciousness. i was wondering if anyone could give me some suggestions on how to be a bit more agressive at times, and not always wait to be TOLD to do something. i'd appreciate any thoughts on this topic from both submissives and Dominants...
what can i do?
how do you find the balance?
how often do you want your submissive to take the initiative?

i'm sorry if i've been a bit repetitive =)
thanks for your time

respectfully,
katerina

Post #: 1

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 10:57:51 AM

LazSwann

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Katerina,
Dear think of sexual initiative as being tenative.. If allowed to sit at your master's feet perhaps lovingly rubbing his cock through his clothing. Going slowly further as your minstrations are accepted.

Be aware at times you may be rebuffed, but know that you are there to suggest he use you sexually by offering yourself through your minstrations to him. If he likes his arms touched rub them kiss them and show affection and sensuality until told to stop or go on.

Basically it is all a matter of your attitude. Be willing to offer yourself sexually and to be told at times no not now later. As a submissive or slave you need to be willing to offer yourself in whatever way your master wants you.
Master Lazarus

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 2

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 11:17:13 AM

seattleminx

Posts: 46
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katerina

One of the biggest problems i find i encounter as a submissive is trying to balance my submissive nature while still sometimes taking the initiative to do something. correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems to me that most Dom's would still like their submissive's to have some initiative sometimes. One of the things i most often here to characterize a "good" submissive, is one who anticipates the needs of her Master.

Be very careful when trying to generalize behaviors as "Most Doms act this way" or "Most Doms want this". Each Dom is as unique and individual as each submissive is. If you want to know what a Dom likes, ask them.

Anticipating their needs is something that comes with time. We are not mind readers. But after you hang with a person, you know that they may enjoy you simply sitting at their feet reading, and that you will get them a glass of water when you get up. If you do something they dislike, rest assured, they will let you know.

quote:

i was wondering if anyone could give me some suggestions on how to be a bit more agressive at times, and not always wait to be TOLD to do something. i'd appreciate any thoughts on this topic from both submissives and Dominants...
what can i do?
how do you find the balance?
how often do you want your submissive to take the initiative?

Being aggressive and taking initiative are two seperate topics. If being agressive in bed doesn't come naturally to you, then do things because they simply please your partner. That's where the true fun in being in a BDSM relationship comes into play. If youtake initiative and your please your partner, then fun is had. If you take initiative and you displease your partner, they will/should correct you.

Again, anticipating your partner's needs takes time. And then there's the old standby.. if you don't know what they want...ask.

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 3

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 2:50:35 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Midear Katerina-

for me, the best service is proactive- that is, one who takes the initiative in pleasing me. Of course, what please one may annoy another, but it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what works and what doesn't.

If all else fails- ASK!

stay warm,
Lawrence

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 4

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 4:08:42 PM

sweetieboop

Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree with seattleminx. If you look at it as, "I'm doing this because it will please my Master" instead of viewing it as taking charge of things, there is a big difference. I always use to say that I want my partner to dictate what will happen in the bedroom. I never wanted to take the initiative to make things happen. However, once I started to learn the wants and needs of my Master, it became natural for me to initiate things and to stop when I'm told it's not a good time (without feeling rejected).

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 5

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 6:13:39 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I always tell my slaves that they are allowed to show affection to me, whether it is touching, rubbing, kissing, hugging, etc., and if I don't want it, I will say so. I do like showing and receiving affection, and don't want to have to ask for every little gesture. But the focus of the slave is always on what pleases me.
As far as sex, one of the great things about owning a slave is that I can tell her exactly what to do. And then it is up to her to please me with all she has. And the focus again is on pleasing me.

(in reply to sweetieboop)

Post #: 6

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/26/2004 7:06:40 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Seduce him.

Plan an 'event' that encompasses all his favorite things. Ask for a 'date' to deliver a 'surprise' and plan something that takes time and energy.

I once saw a woman who was petrified of being nude in public practice at my studio for two weeks to learn a strip tease. Her master had mentioned that no one had ever done a strip tease for him and she knew that he was exhibitionistic ie: he enjoyed playing in public. So she came to my studio for two weeks and practiced and then, at the next party, we had it all set up and she did a strip tease for him (in front of about 40 people). It really was special. And she got over her fear of being nude in public, too (she's quite the attention slut, now).

What are his fantasies? What flips his switch? Find the buttons and press them.

As for sexually aggressive submissives...my personal preference is someone who can be just as rough and animalistic with me as I am with them, and knows when I say "cave" to do it NOW. But then, I am sado-masochistic - not all dominants enjoy experiencing pain as well as giving it.

I agree with the advice to get some thick skin. Being told "no" is an eventual inevitability. It's not personal.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 7

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/31/2004 7:03:26 AM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieboop

*snippage* However, once I started to learn the wants and needs of my Master, it became natural for me to initiate things and to stop when I'm told it's not a good time (without feeling rejected).

That's the tough part - not feeling rejected when told "no". This is something I have seen more than one sub/slave struggle with. Being told, “Now is not the time”, is not a personal rejection – it is usually a concession to the pressures of everyday life. Whether it be timing, or other activities that are scheduled. The one thing it is NOT is a rejection of the sub/slave. It is simply declining, for the moment, what has been offered. Should a sub/slave feel rejection if she brings his/her Master/Mistress a soda and he or she says, “No thank you – I’m not thirsty”? Of course not. And while you may think it a bit of a stretch to equate offering a drink and offering ones body to the Master/Mistress – it really isn’t that different. You are offering something that is already theirs.

Terry

(in reply to sweetieboop)

Post #: 8

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 3/31/2004 4:35:35 PM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

There is a fine but important distinction for a sub or slave between anticipating and assuming, katerina. A good slave or sub does anticipate her master's needs, but it is because she is keenly attentive. All of her senses are focused on her master or dom when she is in his presence. When your focus is where it belongs, on him, and not in your own self-conciousness. you will quickly come to recognize when he is open to sexual activity without him saying a word. That is anticipation. Assumption is when you just mentally decide that he might like <insert sexual act of your choice here>.

The other thing for you to consider is your own level of arousal and desire. I don't know how or if you are being trained, but a slave or sub whose actions are a confession of her own sexual need and arousal is generally far more interesting to a man than one who is just doing something that she thinks might please. Much of the training of a pleasure slave is specifically focused on making her sexually excitable and responsive.

The mechanics of your situation are more easily addressed than the deeper issues that I talk about above. Simply beg. "Master (or sir), I beg to <sex act of your choice here>" does nicely, especially when uttered by a girl who is obviously hot to do whatever it is that she is begging to do.

Take care of yourself.

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 4/4/2004 4:56:10 PM >

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 9

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 4/1/2004 2:03:06 AM

kat36

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/14/2004
Status: offline

Hi Katerina,

i can completely understand where u r coming from. As a submissive woman i find it intimidating to be invited to make the first move, sexually or to be the initiator...i am, by nature, passive in this way. I liked the suggestion by MizSuz; plan a seduction, get to know His/Her fantasies and make them a reality...take baby steps in this...do not try to do everything at once. Perhaps a warm bath with oils and candles and wash him lovingly, teasing gently as you do so could be a gentle way to ease yourself into the role of initiator? I think i will take her advice also!! Find what he loves and do it. Rejection is hard to deal with when u r already uncertain in this area but remember He may be having a bad day, may not be in the mood etc....it is not about u but about His needs. Don't take it to heart if he is not willing to be seduced once in a while.

i wish you luck with this and would be interested to know how it works out.

be well

kat

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 10

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 4/4/2004 9:51:03 AM

grizzly

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/4/2004
Status: offline

HI,
I myself find it very nice when a sub takes it apon herself to do something without being told. she does it because she knows it pleases, and and knows it is what I like. Now granted , all doms and subs as well are different , but I myself am very much into control, and what better control can there be then to have a sub do without speakeing a word.. because she knows..

Grizzly ...... you have never been hugged to you have been hugged by a grizzly

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 11

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 4/4/2004 1:08:28 PM

MistressKiss

Posts: 295
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You may wish to kneel at your Master's feet and softly say, "May your slave hold your cock in her mouth, Sir?" grinssssssssssssssss

Wonder what reaction you'll get. Hearing words like that are often an instant turn-on.

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to grizzly)

Post #: 12

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 4/5/2004 5:41:08 PM

WetropeMaster

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You r quite correct that a Master expects you to anticipate the next move, and to learn to know what is expected and when, and to even anticipate sometimes and be wrong, although some subs or slaves use this for their own desire of being punished in a certain way. It is wrong for a sub to assume she is but a piece of lumber to only move when told to, to only speak when spoken to, to only follow and not lead.

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 13

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 11:06:29 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I was encouraged to take initiative by M creating the circumstances where it could happen.

His drive to do that wasn't to enable to me to anticipate his *needs*, though.....it was to give me the opportunity and space to discover things within myself that expand me and my experiences.

He wants me to be freely sexual for me, not for him.

One of the ways he did that was to give me *playtime*....ie..He would don a blindfold and let me explore him, his body or myself, in any way I wanted.......even if that meant just looking at him. To begin with, I was incredibly self concious still....but he continued to give me that *playtime* until it was not only comfortable but a place where I began to let go. It was incremental and done in a matter of fact way with no pressure to perform or do anything apart from what *I* wanted to.

I'm not asked to take the initiative sexually when it comes to what HE wants .....I'm already on board there. That's one of best aspects of him being in control as far as I'm concerned.

agirl

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 14

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 11:12:29 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Damn agirl, where did you unearth this sucker?

Now I miss topcat, you made me sad :(

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 15

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 11:13:14 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I simply ask if i may show my appreciation. Sir will then say yes or he is fine.
Sometimes he says he is fine, then he will look down at me and smile and then say i will give you a treat.

oceanwynds

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 16

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 11:36:01 AM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Well Katerina, girl has noticed that a great many here link passive with aggressive as being something that is not very good to acknowledge. Yet it is quite possible to split them up and be the submissive by being passive. Current master likes a little aggressive behavior, he says it makes an individual assertive, competitive and independent. Competition is good if its turn inward and it is within yourself. To do things better, to excel and to please.
Now it is true that others can say an individual is being too aggressive. Then again some dom/mes approve of it. Especially if your dom/me enjoys feral play or playing were.
It is often stated how some submissives attain a certain mindset when it comes to pleasing their dom/me. It is true and it is possible. For some its like a connection, reactions become an instinct, but this takes time. Training with dom/me improves this. Girl guesses an individual gets a 'feel' for their dom/me.
Now girl knows that others here will have a different take of this. But, such works for me.

(in reply to Katerina)

Post #: 17

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 12:35:14 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Damn agirl, where did you unearth this sucker?

Now I miss topcat, you made me sad :(

I stood on a street corner and advertised.

agirl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 1:25:08 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*snort*

were you wearing a bikini and holding a sign? lol

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 19

RE: A Submissive Initiative - 12/13/2008 2:11:57 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*snort*

were you wearing a bikini and holding a sign? lol

Newp....advert scrawled on bare arse..I'm not a fan of props.....lol

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 20

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