RE: Background Checks (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 8:53:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have never done aa background check on anyone. If my gut says I have a bad one, I listen!


This.

I am no hysterical drama llama. At age 48almost49, my gut has NEVER failed me. I know there are many people that are not as perceptive as I seem to be. They probably should.......but don't.......use other resources.

If a person wants to go to the bother of formal checks, more power to them. The funny thing is, based upon what I've seen, the people that crow about it the most are the ones that tend to have 'personal stories' as to why others should. That tells me something right there. Hell, I've seen some of these 'sky is falling' types, get involved with people, even though they talk a good back ground check story, that my gut told me was bad news even though it seems their back ground check told them nothing. Their handy dandy little crutch doesn't seem to stop them getting into relationships with putzes.

I don't need a back ground check to tell me a creep is a creep, a nutcase is a nutcase, etc. I also don't need to be the first victim of a crime, to give a creep or nutcase a police record.



DommeKeliDallas -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 8:54:46 AM)

I think it would be determined by which side of the whip you are on.

If a woman will allow a stranger to tie her up naked, or hit her...she REALLY should find out whom she is allowing herself to be vulnerable to...just sayin'.



divi -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 8:55:21 AM)

Very well put LaT.




YSG -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 9:03:01 AM)

Personally, I do understand people that are cautious. This IS the internet, people do actually, yanno, lie about who/what they are (perish the thought! All hope is lost!). If someone wants to do a backround check on me, at their own expense, I say go right ahead. The only thing you'll find are a couple traffic tickets, if those even show up.



Lockit -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 9:06:23 AM)

So there is something about these awful people, that people miss... because some people got it and some don't. Too bad you story tellers... your own fault... you missed something. You did something to get there.

Okay... got it.





BonesFromAsh -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 9:15:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG

Personally, I do understand people that are cautious. This IS the internet, people do actually, yanno, lie about who/what they are (perish the thought! All hope is lost!). If someone wants to do a backround check on me, at their own expense, I say go right ahead. The only thing you'll find are a couple traffic tickets, if those even show up.


Agreed.

I've not done an official background check on prospective partners, but I do use google and check the National Sex Offender Registry just because it's in my nature to be cautiously curious.

If someone wants to do the same with me...go for it.

I'm all for following your gut feeling, but if my gut says things are ok what's it gonna hurt to do a google search and run their name through the NSOR just to be even more sure?




LaTigresse -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 9:18:30 AM)

The point is......... the reality.......bad things happen. No amount of back ground checking is going to stop bad things from happening. It is a false sense of security.

Any criminal has to have a first victim. A back ground check will not tell you what they are going to do in the future. Hell, what would a back ground check of Ted Bundy have come up with before 1975?

I know quite a few people in abusive relationships. Most of us do. A background check on most of the abusers would likely yield you nothing. It is a false sense of security.



Lockit -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 9:56:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have never done aa background check on anyone. If my gut says I have a bad one, I listen!


This.

I am no hysterical drama llama. At age 48almost49, my gut has NEVER failed me. I know there are many people that are not as perceptive as I seem to be. They probably should.......but don't.......use other resources.

If a person wants to go to the bother of formal checks, more power to them. The funny thing is, based upon what I've seen, the people that crow about it the most are the ones that tend to have 'personal stories' as to why others should. That tells me something right there. Hell, I've seen some of these 'sky is falling' types, get involved with people, even though they talk a good back ground check story, that my gut told me was bad news even though it seems their back ground check told them nothing. Their handy dandy little crutch doesn't seem to stop them getting into relationships with putzes.

I don't need a back ground check to tell me a creep is a creep, a nutcase is a nutcase, etc. I also don't need to be the first victim of a crime, to give a creep or nutcase a police record.



I have stated when I do a back ground check. When my gut goes off/red flag and that person could get too close. That means they might have my name, a phone number even if my cell goes to a false address by the phone company, that I didn't know of when I got it. I would not trade my gut for a back ground check on any day. A background check can mean nothing or something, but you don't give up what you have that helps you and you don't depend on any one thing to keep yourself safe. You also do not panic, allow for denial or false senses of security.

You don't have to be a drama lama to be realistic and know that bad things do happen and they can happen to smart, with it, gutter's. Maybe not as easy as someone else, but it can still happen. It only takes one time.

It is a fact that many horrible people got passed the radar of many people. I am not so egotistical or great at psychic ability, senses or whatever to know that 100% of the time I am going to be correct. I don't know maybe something is missing in me... but I would rather have something missing than to blame the victim of a crime or broken heart or anything else because they believed a liar in some form. No one has ever lied to you and fooled you? No one? They may not have caused you some danger, but they have done other things and those other things can lead to other things. Maybe those that fooled you in a lie was a lucky situation or you had some other strength.. or you just failed to see the lie or something... but.. it has happened whether it be your fault or not. Not everyone that falls for a lie is being foolish or over looking something and something could happen. To me a liar is a danger of some sort, whether that be emotional, mental, physical, financial or anything else.

I do get what you are saying and on many levels agree with you, but I cannot say I agree with all you are saying. In this post you seem to be pretty harsh on victims or drama lama's. Not everyone that has a story and speaks about it and the precaution or back up of a back ground check is a drama lama or someone that has something wrong with their gut, senses or anything else.

I love black and white... but there are shades of gray and I am not so foolish as to believe there are times I may not see a true color.



MrRodgers -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 11:19:52 AM)

Timely how this came up just after the other day when I did a background check on me. The info. was 25-30 years old and partially incorrect.

Not of much value for what may have happened since. In my case, I live such a sheltered life, nothing much...has happened.



SthrnCom4t -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 4:57:24 PM)

I wouldn't have any use for it. I'll go with my own judgment. If I hear something questionable about the person, my radar is up, but I still make my own judgment.

Is that absolutely fool-proof, not for a second.

Relationships are risks.

Life is a risk.

Bad things happen to good people.

Live life, but be smart doing it.





DarqueMirror -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 8:44:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
You men... have you ever been tossed around a room like a rag doll... held by the throat against a wall... followed, raped... basically vulnerable to size and intent?


You women... have you ever been falsely accused of one of the above and had no one believe your innocence because you "clearly must have done *something* in order to be accused?" Have you ever been in the national spotlight due to such allegations and been branded a rapist/abuser whether you were exonerated or not?

Have you ever had a wonderful evening giving a submissive all the enjoyment you both could stand, only to see detectives at your door the next morning because that submissive had "second thoughts?"

Have you ever been hit by another, who dared you to hit them back because they knew the cops would take their word over yours?

Let's be real for a moment, both men *and* women can be raving psychos. Both can do immeasurable damage to a person's life. The thing is, if a man falsely accuses a woman of abuse or rape, he gets laughed at. If a woman does it, the man's life is over because even if she's found to be making things up, he will still be branded an abuser/rapist.

A battered woman is a victim, sure. But when she wises up and gets away from the abuser, presses charges, etc., her life can slowly return to normal. A man falsely accused of such things will never be "normal" because the allegations will follow him for life.

Let's also not forget: there have been female serial killers as well. At least one of them claimed in her "defense" that all of her victims had tried to attack her in some way first. That defense falls a bit flat when your "body count" goes into double digits.



Jennislut -> RE: Background Checks (3/23/2011 9:03:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

I wouldn't have any use for it. I'll go with my own judgment. If I hear something questionable about the person, my radar is up, but I still make my own judgment.

Is that absolutely fool-proof, not for a second.

Relationships are risks.

Life is a risk.

Bad things happen to good people.

Live life, but be smart doing it.



[sm=mademyday.gif]



Lockit -> RE: Background Checks (3/24/2011 9:54:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
You men... have you ever been tossed around a room like a rag doll... held by the throat against a wall... followed, raped... basically vulnerable to size and intent?


You women... have you ever been falsely accused of one of the above and had no one believe your innocence because you "clearly must have done *something* in order to be accused?" Have you ever been in the national spotlight due to such allegations and been branded a rapist/abuser whether you were exonerated or not?

Have you ever had a wonderful evening giving a submissive all the enjoyment you both could stand, only to see detectives at your door the next morning because that submissive had "second thoughts?"

Have you ever been hit by another, who dared you to hit them back because they knew the cops would take their word over yours?

Let's be real for a moment, both men *and* women can be raving psychos. Both can do immeasurable damage to a person's life. The thing is, if a man falsely accuses a woman of abuse or rape, he gets laughed at. If a woman does it, the man's life is over because even if she's found to be making things up, he will still be branded an abuser/rapist.

A battered woman is a victim, sure. But when she wises up and gets away from the abuser, presses charges, etc., her life can slowly return to normal. A man falsely accused of such things will never be "normal" because the allegations will follow him for life.

Let's also not forget: there have been female serial killers as well. At least one of them claimed in her "defense" that all of her victims had tried to attack her in some way first. That defense falls a bit flat when your "body count" goes into double digits.


First of all, I was talking to the men that had spoken on the thread at that point. I am not and wasn't attempting to write about the whole topic, which could take more than a few books, but was bringing up a point. There are men that have been a victim and I don't discount them. In fact I have made a lot of guy friends because of my stance on men, victims, life and what I believe is fair and right. My first cause in life was men's rights and equal treatment... that needs to go both ways.

I am no Polly Anna, although at times I may sound like one or have been to some degree, a Polly Anna. Men are subject to many wrongs. Women are no angels. There are bad people of all genders. I know a young man who did six years, his life is ruined and he will never have a decent life with a decent job and acceptance because he was falsely accused of a sexual crime. I knew he was accused and didn't know the whole story. I knew the wife and I knew my daughter and on my daughters word that he was a good man, I brought his family to my home to consider them assisting me with some things. There was no way on this earth or this lifetime that man was a sexual offender. He had no force in him. He was a happy and wonderful person who was done wrong. I would have him around anyone I love at any time. I never judge based on one thing, except my gut sometimes. I feel creeped out, I may judge on that alone.

There are victims that basically volunteer, victims that had nothing to do with their victimization and all sorts of scenarios. I believe people can do anything lawful or healthy to protect themselves and there is no harm there... if they need that, which can be a crutch... okay. I don't believe every victim with a tale, I don't believe in remaining a victim and being a victim for life or living in fear of being victimized. I believe in balance, fairness and being proactive in your life, so that you can live free and safe and yet have enough risks to know you actually lived.

I am sorry for the men caught up in some woman's manipulation of the law and all things that were intended for good and think the one's falsely accusing someone ought to be dug out and convicted of a crime with the same amount of time and damage that the one they accused would have gotten. Not sure that could ever happen, but I would see it as fair and would hopefully cut down on the false accusations.



DarqueMirror -> RE: Background Checks (3/24/2011 2:26:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
You women... have you ever been falsely accused of one of the above and had no one believe your innocence because you "clearly must have done *something* in order to be accused?" Have you ever been in the national spotlight due to such allegations and been branded a rapist/abuser whether you were exonerated or not?

Have you ever had a wonderful evening giving a submissive all the enjoyment you both could stand, only to see detectives at your door the next morning because that submissive had "second thoughts?"

Have you ever been hit by another, who dared you to hit them back because they knew the cops would take their word over yours?

Let's be real for a moment, both men *and* women can be raving psychos. Both can do immeasurable damage to a person's life. The thing is, if a man falsely accuses a woman of abuse or rape, he gets laughed at. If a woman does it, the man's life is over because even if she's found to be making things up, he will still be branded an abuser/rapist.

A battered woman is a victim, sure. But when she wises up and gets away from the abuser, presses charges, etc., her life can slowly return to normal. A man falsely accused of such things will never be "normal" because the allegations will follow him for life.

Let's also not forget: there have been female serial killers as well. At least one of them claimed in her "defense" that all of her victims had tried to attack her in some way first. That defense falls a bit flat when your "body count" goes into double digits.


First of all, I was talking to the men that had spoken on the thread at that point. I am not and wasn't attempting to write about the whole topic, which could take more than a few books, but was bringing up a point. There are men that have been a victim and I don't discount them. In fact I have made a lot of guy friends because of my stance on men, victims, life and what I believe is fair and right. My first cause in life was men's rights and equal treatment... that needs to go both ways.

I am no Polly Anna, although at times I may sound like one or have been to some degree, a Polly Anna. Men are subject to many wrongs. Women are no angels. There are bad people of all genders. I know a young man who did six years, his life is ruined and he will never have a decent life with a decent job and acceptance because he was falsely accused of a sexual crime. I knew he was accused and didn't know the whole story. I knew the wife and I knew my daughter and on my daughters word that he was a good man, I brought his family to my home to consider them assisting me with some things. There was no way on this earth or this lifetime that man was a sexual offender. He had no force in him. He was a happy and wonderful person who was done wrong. I would have him around anyone I love at any time. I never judge based on one thing, except my gut sometimes. I feel creeped out, I may judge on that alone.

There are victims that basically volunteer, victims that had nothing to do with their victimization and all sorts of scenarios. I believe people can do anything lawful or healthy to protect themselves and there is no harm there... if they need that, which can be a crutch... okay. I don't believe every victim with a tale, I don't believe in remaining a victim and being a victim for life or living in fear of being victimized. I believe in balance, fairness and being proactive in your life, so that you can live free and safe and yet have enough risks to know you actually lived.

I am sorry for the men caught up in some woman's manipulation of the law and all things that were intended for good and think the one's falsely accusing someone ought to be dug out and convicted of a crime with the same amount of time and damage that the one they accused would have gotten. Not sure that could ever happen, but I would see it as fair and would hopefully cut down on the false accusations.


Well said. Glad to see we agree. (Actually, at the time part of me was kinda hoping for a fight, but agreement is just as good.)



mistressko -> RE: Background Checks (3/24/2011 3:38:07 PM)

Ooooooh. Now I GET it.

Where I am (This part of Canada anyway) a background check means a CRIMINAL one that you get through the police. Only the person being checked can go in and request it. The police can block out the most sensitive info like driver's license, social insurance (security) number, etc before forwarding on to a prospective employer.

The background check I got last year for a volunteer job (working around kids) was given to ME and I had to take it to the agency. They come with a unique case number, so if it looks faked the person calls and says please verify that #123456 is valid for xyz name.

The other, hire a detective or use an online service thing is a huge joke. I tried one, and nothing that it gave me was accurate.

So in my case, to get a background check on someone else, not only would they know about it, and have to go to the police themselves with proper ID and pay for it, but that's the only way I'd be able to get one. That kind covers the name they search, and driver's license not aliases. You can do a more extensive one with fingerprints, but same as above. There's no official one here that can be done without your knowledge and consent.

Would I get one? I've mulled this over. If the person I was interested in was far away and we were working toward a live in situation? Then yes. Probably I would. If they are closer and I can verify through other trusted people enough about them for a live in situation, then no I wouldn't. If someone asked me for one, why not? I don't have to share info that would lead to identity theft to do it.

Maybe people who are into that should check with their local law enforcement to see how it works, they may find they can't actually do one.

-K



LadyBeckett -> RE: Background Checks (3/30/2011 12:02:45 PM)

There are several ways to check for a criminal record.  However, as one poster stated, sometimes the information on pay for information sites may also contain incorrect information, say someone else has the same first and last name, but a different middle initial, even with the ssn.  One way to discover a previous conviction is to visit the resident state .gov site, and they usually have an offender look up.  DV offenders, past or present, don't wear this on their sleeve.  They can be charming, seductive, and difficult to spot casually.  Although there was something else mentioned more than once in this thread, intuition.  If something about this guy/gal isn't feeling right, then the probability is something isn't right and moving on would be the wise choice.  That really is just as easy to do as it sounds.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Background Checks (3/30/2011 3:10:08 PM)

~Lady Beckett!!! Squeee!!!!~

I'm not going to say that folks who do background checks are being dramatic or paranoid. We should all take charge of our safety and peace of mind.

Will a background check tell you that someone is ragingly jealous, has a mental disorder, couldn't commit to how he wants his eggs, let alone another humanbeing? No. You'll find out about public domain criminal activity. I am gonna go out on a limb here and say that a crminal record does not mean that the person is the spirit of evil and should be shunned by all right thinking folk.




Sunny27 -> RE: Background Checks (3/31/2011 2:26:32 AM)

That sounds like getting a garda Vetting clearance!I normally go out to meet the person first and if they say their 19/20 then I ask them to bring their passport!!! This is for my own safety too, like I don't want to be having fun with an underage girl you know?! I can usually tell after a month if their the right person to be having fun with! If we don't think we'd be good together then after the first meeting I say thanks for meeting up. I usually have fun as I'm eating and chatting with people!Good luck on the whole thing!



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