RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (Full Version)

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ResidentSadist -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/23/2011 11:43:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Get the big yellow Domming For Dummies book

You mean this one?

[img]http://residentsadist.com/pics/dommingfordummies.jpg[/img]



DarkSteven -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/23/2011 12:46:09 PM)

There's something I don't understand here. You're up front about the fact that you have no experience. Why would a slave with seven years of experience want a new Dom? I hope that you two are incredibly compatible outside of D/s.

You may want to get heavily involved with the local scene, if you're not concerned about more experienced Doms trying to steal her.

I have to ask - if it weren't for her, would you have any interest in the lifestyle?



Kana -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/23/2011 12:56:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
There's something I don't understand here. You're up front about the fact that you have no experience. Why would a slave with seven years of experience want a new Dom?


Hey, my first slave had five years in the scene and three as a 24/7 slave to a Mistress...and I didn't know jack.I had a head full of fantasies and zero experience.
Worked out great for me-she taught me so much, but most of all, she taught me to see the world through her eyes, and thus, let me understand how slaves think.



NihilusZero -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/24/2011 4:03:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

The Master label kinda shot you in the foot. You should look over some of this stuff and find the label that is right for you.

But for heaven's sake, he'd better not dare start a thread asking about the differences between labels/titles!



LadyPact -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/24/2011 4:19:21 PM)

~ Hijack ~

I can't be the only one who misses LuckyAlbatross/Emerald when such things are said.

~ End hijack ~



Arturas -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 10:01:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OK.  You're a Master who needs us to tell you how to be one?  Does that really make sense to you?
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!




Hello lovely ladies, you had your fun but time to be serious. Of course it makes sense. We were all beginners once and it's OK to ask such questions here.

To the OP,

1)she is more experienced than you so listen to her because a good Dom or master knows he must listen to her and a good sub knows how to express herself without overstepping.

2) The next thing I want to make clear to you that is you never need to swing a flogger to be a Master as no previous Dom experience is necessary; the Dom nomenclature is not some lower rank or merit badge one must achieve before moving on to Eagle Scout Master, you understand?

3) The third thing you need to know is that the determination of if you ARE a Master is yours and hers alone.

4) The fourth thing you need to know is you two must be compatible with each other's desires.

5) The fifth thing is you are perfectly positioned with an eager submissive to grow with her in this lifestyle. Don't fuck it up.

6) The six thing is to not go into the Gorean threads (see item 5).

7) Enjoy!



LanceHughes -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 10:09:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
<snipped>

5) The fifth thing is you are perfectly positioned with an eager submissive to grow with her in this lifestyle. Don't fuck it up.

6) The six[th] thing is to not go into the Gorean threads (see item 5).
<snipped>


LMFAO

Arturas, I think you win the sunshine "quote of day" award.  I'll go nominate you.

<edited to fix those quote-y thing-ys>



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 10:38:21 AM)

Okay so the OP made a slight faux pas by calling himself a Master when he has so little experience. He is asking for help and stating he has little experience, and some of your responses were to tear him a new one? Shame on you!

Kudos to all those who came across with some help.

To the OP: there are some great threads here on CM that have already been linked, start there. Two books for you: The Loving Dominant and Screw the Roses Give me the Thorns (both available on Amazon).

Get out to your local munch and meet others in the lifestyle, google munch and your city and you should get a list.

If you are looking to be a Master, a mentor would be a great idea. Find one through your local community. If you are not quite up for that yet, look at Fet Life...they have a mentors group.

Best of luck, and don't let the (lopsided) response you got here get you down.








LadyPact -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 10:40:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
Hello lovely ladies, you had your fun but time to be serious. Of course it makes sense. We were all beginners once and it's OK to ask such questions here.

Yeah, and he got a serious answer from Me, which included all of the stuff that I'd recommend that people getting into the lifestyle might find useful.  Notice I didn't say much that was related to the net. 

quote:

To the OP,

1)she is more experienced than you so listen to her because a good Dom or master knows he must listen to her and a good sub knows how to express herself without overstepping.

2) The next thing I want to make clear to you that is you never need to swing a flogger to be a Master as no previous Dom experience is necessary; the Dom nomenclature is not some lower rank or merit badge one must achieve before moving on to Eagle Scout Master, you understand?

3) The third thing you need to know is that the determination of if you ARE a Master is yours and hers alone.

4) The fourth thing you need to know is you two must be compatible with each other's desires.

5) The fifth thing is you are perfectly positioned with an eager submissive to grow with her in this lifestyle. Don't fuck it up.

6) The six thing is to not go into the Gorean threads (see item 5).

7) Enjoy!

About half of this was good.  Some of it is going to depend on what kind of compatibility that they have between the two of them.

I actually don't agree with the bit about not seeking out information just because it happens to be a part of one of the sub cultures that gets associated with alternative lifestyles.  Suggesting that limiting a person's education is never a good thing.  Just because someone has a personal beef with one of those sub cultures isn't a very good reason to stereotype that group as a whole as not having anything worthwhile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
LMFAO

Arturus, I think you win the sunshine "quote of day" award.  I'll go nominate you.

<edited to fix those quote-y thing-ys>

Really?  Had somebody made a dig about the leather community that way, would you have had the same reaction?  If it's not right to say about one culture, it shouldn't be right to say it about another culture, either.



leadership527 -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 10:45:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If it's not right to say about one culture, it shouldn't be right to say it about another culture, either.

Agreed.



LanceHughes -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:05:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
LMFAO

Arturus, I think you win the sunshine "quote of day" award.  I'll go nominate you.

<edited to fix those quote-y thing-ys>

Really?  Had somebody made a dig about the leather community that way, would you have had the same reaction?  If it's not right to say about one culture, it shouldn't be right to say it about another culture, either.


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If it's not right to say about one culture, it shouldn't be right to say it about another culture, either.

Agreed.



I took it as the joke it was meant (I hope) to be.  My bolded and over-size LMFAO was a clear indication - even to the OP - that was a joke.  As a matter of fact, if I had NOT done that and left it stand alone, and LadyPact had not commented, the OP would not havae know which "half of this is good."

And besides, you all know I'm not like that.  I'm mocking the 7th suggestion, not endorsing it.  Lighten UP, folks!

But, seriously, there's a grain of truth there (as in most humor.)  Beginners are (in general) looking for a template.  Gor provides that.  NOT the best place to learn about yourself and what the needs and wants are on both sides of the kneel.  That's a summary of the advice that most are giving here..... learn what works for you and her!

I took Arturas's comment as that - do NOT start at Gor since it's too "easy" and might not be right for you as a couple.



leadership527 -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:16:12 AM)

Actually I don't think it was a joke having read some of Arturas' conflicts on the gorean boards and even if it was, a joke in poor taste.

On your more serious note I also disagree. Trust me on this. As a guy who's not particularly well aligned with the BDSM norms BDSM also provides a STRONG template and failing to conform is strongly discouraged. All sub groups are like this and the more they see themselves as embattled the more extreme that behavior becomes. I suspect that you don't see the norms imposed in BDSM-land because you do happen to conform to them quite nicely so they are invisible to you.

In the end, someone either has the strength to be themselves or else they succumb to the masses. That choice happens everywhere in life.



Arturas -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:20:40 AM)

Exactly. The Gorean threads are like walking on land mines for beginners. Serious people there with little tolerance. Nothing anyone new needs to mess with.




LadyPact -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:31:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
I took it as the joke it was meant (I hope) to be.  My bolded and over-size LMFAO was a clear indication - even to the OP - that was a joke.  As a matter of fact, if I had NOT done that and left it stand alone, and LadyPact had not commented, the OP would not havae know which "half of this is good."

And besides, you all know I'm not like that.  I'm mocking the 7th suggestion, not endorsing it.  Lighten UP, folks!

But, seriously, there's a grain of truth there (as in most humor.)  Beginners are (in general) looking for a template.  Gor provides that.  NOT the best place to learn about yourself and what the needs and wants are on both sides of the kneel.  That's a summary of the advice that most are giving here..... learn what works for you and her!

I took Arturas's comment as that - do NOT start at Gor since it's too "easy" and might not be right for you as a couple.


Fair enough on the joke part.  I didn't say that the comment was done maliciously.

I guess I look at it as something like this.  I'm still really used to the idea that, when a lot of folks get their first introduction to the leather community (please don't confuse this with the net) a lot of them have the feeling of coming "home".  There's some kind of spark in them somewhere when they are in the same physical location with leather people the first time, that they know they belong there.  That piece to the puzzle all makes sense.

So, if I accept that this happens in the leather community, I have to believe it happens in other communities as well.  I have to think that there are folks out there who pick up that first Gorean book and say, "Oh My Gosh...... This".  It might just speak to them in the same way. 

Also, I have to look at the source.  It's not a personal thing, Arturas.  I do the same thing when other posters come on and do their own personal grudge thing about various communities.  When somebody is making a dig because of their personal bias,  that has to be considered as well.



Arturas -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:33:19 AM)

quote:

Actually I don't think it was a joke having read some of Arturas' conflicts on the gorean boards and even if it was, a joke in poor taste.


Actually, many others also have conflicts on the gorean boards here in case you are not paying attention, more than there are Goreans on the threads. Having been there as well as the Fetlife like boards that are totally different I know what I'm talking about. I am in good company.

quote:

On your more serious note I also disagree. Trust me on this. As a guy who's not particularly well aligned with the BDSM norms BDSM also provides a STRONG template and failing to conform is strongly discouraged.


Failing to conform to a "BDSM norms"? I find most BDSM lifestylers are very tolerant and expect the same. When I am a the club I don't see any standard template; it's amazing. Perhaps it is you who simply have your perceptions of BDSMers tainted by too much contact with the Gorean boards and become intolerant and not the 10 million BDSMers you refer to.






tazzygirl -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:33:41 AM)

Rokobilli

My best suggestion to you would be read through the threads that interest you. Find those who you feel have similiar beliefs as you do, then ask questions. That is all I can think of to add to Lady Pact's great advice!

As far as the gor boards, if you approach them on an honest level, and are willing to take some criticism, then they can also be a wealth of information.



LanceHughes -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:34:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

<snipped>
On your more serious note I also disagree. Trust me on this. As a guy who's not particularly well aligned with the BDSM norms, BDSM also provides a STRONG template and failing to conform is strongly discouraged. All sub groups are like this and the more they see themselves as embattled the more extreme that behavior becomes. I suspect that you don't see the norms imposed in BDSM-land because you do happen to conform to them quite nicely, so they are invisible to you.

In the end, someone either has the strength to be themselves or else they succumb to the masses. That choice happens everywhere in life.

My comment about the Gorean template is predicated upon the books themselves with their "This is THE way" attitude.

To my knowledge, no BDSM book starts out with ANYTHING but, "your mileage WILL vary."

There's a third choice to be added to: "someone either has the strength to be themselves or else they succumb to the masses."  That would be chosing to be at the mean of the bell curve. I have NOT "succumbed" to the masses - whatever the HECK that means.

Thanks for the compliment [implied]  when you write that I "do happen to conform to them [BDSM norms] quite nicely."  At least, I guess my on-line persona conforms to your perception of the (invisible to me) BDSM norms.

BUT! enough about me, let's ALL get back to helping the OP.  Maybe you could make a helpful comment to him about the relationship you and Carol share.  I'm thinking the OP could/would learn alot from you and yours.



LanceHughes -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:51:38 AM)

Did anyone else notice that the OP has made (as of this writing) NO more posts anywhere?
Did anyone else notice that the OP has not been on CM for two days?
I did and I decided to kinda, sorta apologize.  Here's my CMail to him:
--------------
Don't get discouraged by those first comments.  There's been a LOT of GREAT info added since you were last here.

Some on CM have seen posts like yours over and over.  They get a little testy.

PLEASE!  get back there and read some of them, but MOST importantly post a line or two to let everyone know that you're okay with some of the snarky, off-the-hip, sarcastic answers. Okay?

Oh, yeah... ignore those VERY personal comments about your pic.  I kinda like it.  A thick skin helps around here.  I think you got off on the wrong foot by calling yourself a Master.

After more than 30 years in the scene, I still do not call myself a Master.  That term is reserved for my slave to use with me alone.

I think you meant to say "I am a beginning Dominant."  There is no shame in that.  We all started with exactly the same amount of knowledge, namely ZERO.

Part of learning is the vocabulary.  You just happened to kick a landmine in your first post.

I think people here are helpful.  Especially to those with an attitude to learn - which I sincerly believe you have.

Regards, Lance



LadyPact -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 11:52:28 AM)

I don't really know if this is on topic or not.  I am trying to help the OP in conjunction with saying it.

All of these different cultures get mixed together around here.  CM is pretty much a catch all of a site.  There's lots of diversity here.  Finding what's right for you is going to depend on where you fit and what you would best like to achieve.

It's worth saying that there are going to be good and bad examples within any 'group' that just happens to have something in common.  Kink, leather, gorean, etc, etc.  Even if one group does follow a One True Way thing because it's what they feel most is where they identify, that's entirely cool for them.  (I'm not especially trying to put that on any group.  Just saying "if" it were correct.)

I happen to think that 'outsiders' tend to do ok going to the Gorean forum these days.  I get treated pretty well there even though I have a different culture.  If I go there and ask My questions in a courteous manner, there are a number of folks who will be patient with Me.  I might even be harder to explain certain things to because some of the terms have different definitions between the cultures, so it can take longer for things to click.

Really bad analogy, but it might work.  If somebody was raised all of their life on a diet of only German food, I wouldn't tell him that he should only explore french cuisine because Thai food might be too much for him.  Go out there and taste a little bit of everything.



LanceHughes -> RE: I need some help on the lifestyle (3/26/2011 12:06:14 PM)

As usual, LP, you and I are on the same page.

I'm going to expand your analogy just a bit. Go out there and tast a little bit of everything, French and Mexican and Caribbean and Brazilian and Thai, but just a word of caution.... Thai food comes with a surrounding culture that is sometimes very attractive to the beginner.  Sometimes it is so attractive that you forget that you were there to have just a taste and you get stuck.



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