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Advice - 3/25/2011 2:42:08 PM   
comingout84


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline 		I am very new to the scene and completely intrigued by the Femdom world. I was in a very long relationship where I was controlled and hated every minute of it. I have a friend who is a sub and he opened my eyes up to the lifestyle. I have done lots of research on the matter and I feel as though this is totally me! I feel as though I was repressed. I am very dominant in nature, but since I was repressed for so long, I'm having trouble bringing the tigress back out inside of me. She is there, she just needs a little push! My thoughts and ideas of what I want just sit floating around in my head because I am nervous about how it will be percieved. I would greatly appreciate any feedback or ideas on how to get my start and bring her back out. She is screaming!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 3:15:01 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		You're nervous about how they will be perceived???? In THIS community?

OK, to be clear, in this community I have heard about eyeball licking and spinal tap play (cause, you know, they had heard it hurt a lot). Here there are long and happy discussions about the joys of raw, unlubricated ass fucking. Hell, there was even a picture of me in a red thong panty. And that's only a select few of the "horrors" we all talk about on a pretty regular basis.

There's only a very precious few things NOT-TO-BE-SPOKEN-ABOUT-HERE and the odds are good you're not into any of them. But sheez, if we can handle eyeball licking surely we can handle your weirdness too :)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to comingout84)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 4:27:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Perceived by whom?  The sub that you might want to let her out with?  Yourself?  Other folks who it really isn't any of their business?  Which ones of those really matter?

Funny that you should phrase it just the way you did.  The "push" that works is different for different people.  I don't know what will work for you.  I can tell you some things that work for Me:

People telling Me that I can't, when I know that I can.

People telling Me that I have to, when I know I don't.

People telling Me that I'm not something, when I know that I am.

And the really good one.........

When not doing something makes Me not be as happy as the potential that I know I have for happiness if I would just do it.



IF you really had a tamed tiger, what would you do to return in to the wild?  Even if you had raised it in captivity, only ever had it fed by humans, and it was as domesticated as a tiger can be.  You would introduce it to the world little by little.  Let it go out and let it's instincts come back to it.  You would provide it with less from the captors so that it would stalk prey.  You would give it more freedom in increments so it would develop the muscle tone that it lacked due to it's confinement.  In stages, you would let it unlearn what it learned in it's life as a caged tiger.  You would teach it to depend on it's instincts and in time, it would become free.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to comingout84)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 4:30:13 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

People telling Me that I can't, when I know that I can.

You can't come visit Carol and I.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 4:38:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Do you really want to hear about the passport fiasco?

Due to the lack of one, that's a situation where I literally can't.  See, that's an authority (border) that I know is valid.  I actually don't have issues with authority that I know are valid and greater than Me.  Lacking such is another matter.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 5:09:24 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. Forget about acceptance here.  That's a given.
2. There are plenty of people here in the forums that you can learn from.  Read away!
3. In addition, check to see of there are munches and groups in your area.  Especially check into TNG groups.
4.  Welcome!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 5:40:03 PM   
comingout84


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline 		I thank thank thank you for your wisdoms. I have been filling my head with knowledge for a while now just trying to get a feel for what I am into. I have probably hit every web site out there is out there and asked anyone I can a million questions. My friend has been helping me in my search for knowledge and answering as much as he can too. Its amazing how things are just clicking for me since I have been reading. Im really beginning to understand why relationships havn't worked! It all makes beautiful sence to me now!

When I say that I am nervous how I will be percieved it is by everyone including myself. I am nervous that I will be asking myself it is is ok to do the things I am doing becuase I was not raised this way (but on the inside i want it so bad). Im still unclear how to approach a sub, how to train, oooooo so many questions! Once again I appreciate the help!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 6:33:11 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: comingout84
I am nervous that I will be asking myself it is is ok to do the things I am doing...

Yeah, I can sympathize. I had a bajillion such questions when Carol and I started this. Just keep asking yourself that question, "Is it OK?" But when you ask it, you need to REALLY ask it. If you think it's wrong somehow, ask yourself why? Are you hurting someone? Are you hurting yourself? Are you in some way doing something which ACTUALLY has negative results?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to comingout84)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 8:28:26 PM   
comingout84


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you Jeff. I think it's all a little overwhelming at first when you look at the whole scope of things. There were a few times I went "woah" but the more and more I read I find that someone else has the same fetish, or like so it makes me feel more easy about it. There has to be someone out there to fit my needs, as small and basic as they are now. Just hoping that one person can help me to embrace what I want to become and expose me to more things.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Advice - 3/25/2011 8:29:44 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: comingout84

When I say that I am nervous how I will be percieved it is by everyone including myself. I am nervous that I will be asking myself it is is ok to do the things I am doing becuase I was not raised this way (but on the inside i want it so bad). Im still unclear how to approach a sub, how to train, oooooo so many questions! Once again I appreciate the help!!!


Okay.  Stop with the idea that you have three hours to learn it all, and never make a mistake.  It will take some time to grow into what you'll become.

It WILL BE okay to do it.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not tomorrow.  But it will be.

1. How do you approach a sub?  Generally, you beat them off with a stick.
2. How to train?  You tell a sub what you want, and make sure he does it.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to comingout84)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 1:16:43 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to collarme.
I began learning about this, aproximately 10 years ago, because I found self to be perfectly able to understand standard relationships, but freaked out by them. I read, introspected, and came to collarme, a school in and of itself, if you have the common sense to take what is useful, and discard what isn't.

Read, learn, experiment, and enjoy. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to comingout84)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 2:05:20 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what the others have said.


quote:

Hell, there was even a picture of me in a red thong panty.

did I miss this, or has my memory gotten that bad? (I'm thinking option 2)


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 5:58:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: comingout84

I am very new to the scene and completely intrigued by the Femdom world. I was in a very long relationship where I was controlled and hated every minute of it. I have a friend who is a sub and he opened my eyes up to the lifestyle. I have done lots of research on the matter and I feel as though this is totally me! I feel as though I was repressed. I am very dominant in nature, but since I was repressed for so long, I'm having trouble bringing the tigress back out inside of me. She is there, she just needs a little push! My thoughts and ideas of what I want just sit floating around in my head because I am nervous about how it will be percieved. I would greatly appreciate any feedback or ideas on how to get my start and bring her back out. She is screaming!


I echo what LadyPact and the others have said.

You are 26, you are still in the process of discovering yourself. You are starting this path much younger than I did. Granted, I had quite a few extenuating circumstances that were a huge part of my slow and cautious approach, but still......there is no mad rush. You are not trying to win a race here. Just exploring different facets of yourself and different relationship styles.

You will screw some shit up! Accept that, treat the screw ups as learning experiences and learn to laugh at yourself.

As an FYI.....some of the best fountains of information for ME, have been men and women of the submissive/slave nature.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to comingout84)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 8:44:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
did I miss this, or has my memory gotten that bad? (I'm thinking option 2)


I don't remember the color of what might be pictured in the "men in My panties" thread.  I was thinking white, but I could be wrong.

Yep.  That was Me.  Throwing Jeff right under the bus.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 8:46:28 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yep.  That was Me.  Throwing Jeff right under the bus.



My God.  What an awful thing to do.  That would leave fewer of us Dom men for all the slavering hordes of female submissives.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 8:48:57 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Either that or folks will be going back through pages of that thread trying to get a look at Jeff's caboose.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Advice - 3/26/2011 9:00:23 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
did I miss this, or has my memory gotten that bad? (I'm thinking option 2)
We were all worried about whether or not you'd consented to be exposed to such horrors so we protected you. Yay! Aren't we all SSC and whatnot?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 17
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